716TheOneWithTheTruthAboutLondon[Scene:JoeyandRachel's,RachelisfilinghernailsasRossandBenenter.]Ross:Hi.Rachel:Hi!HiBen!Ben:Hi.Ross:Hi,wehavealittlebathroomemergency.Rachel:Oh,yeahgoahead.(Benstartstogo,butRossstopshim.)Ross:Uh,beforewedouh,areanyofJoey’sspecialromancemagazinesinthere?Rachel:No.No.Ross:(toBen)Okay!Allclear!Ben:(runningtothebathroom)ThanksPhoebe!Rachel:Ben,itsRachel!(Heclosesthedoor.)Butwhatever.Ross:(toBen)Everythingokayinthere?Ben:Don’ttalktomenow!Rachel:Awww,justlikehisdaddy.Ross:Heylistencanyoudomeabigfavor?Thedean’sofficejustcalledandsaidtherewasanurgentmeeting.CanyouwatchBenforlikeanhour?Rachel:What-whataboutMonica?Ross:Oh,sheisn’thome.Rachel:(nervous)Soitwouldjustbe,mealone?Ross:Well,Benwouldbethere.Rachel:Huhumm…Ross:What’sthematter?Rachel:Wellthat—y’knowit’sjustuh,I’veneverdonethatbefore.Meandhimalone.Ross:Rach,he’snotanex-con.Rachel:Okay.Okay.Okay.Uh,whatdoI,whatdoIdowithhim?Ross:Idon’tknow!Just-justtalktohim-entertainhimandkeephimalive.Rachel:Okay.Ross:Okay.(Benenters)Ben?Comehere.Allright,I’mgonnaleaveyouherewithAuntRachelforaboutanhour.Okay?Areyougonnabeokay?Rachel:YeahIthinkso.Ross:(ToRachel)Iwasn’ttalkingtoyou.Ben:I’llbeokay.Ross:Okay,I’llseeyousoonbuddy.(Hehugsandkisseshim.)Bebackinanhour.Ben:Byedad.Rachel:Bye.(Rossexits.)Ahhh…(Silence)Sothisisfun,huh?Ben:Notreally.Rachel:Okay.Uh,wantsomething-wantsomethingtodrink?Ben:Okay.Rachel:Uhgreat!HowdoyoufeelaboutDietCoke?Ben:I’mnotallowedtohavesoda.Rachel:Okay.Wellthat’sprettymuchallthatwehave—Oh!Oh!Haveyoueverhadavirginmargarita?(Holdsupabottleofmargaritamix.)Ben:What’savirgin?Rachel:Wateritis.OpeningCredits[Scene:CentralPerk,MonicaandChandleraretalking.JoeyandPhoebearegettingcoffee.]Monica:Whataboutthesecondministerwemeetwith?Ikindalikedhim.Chandler:Youmeanthespitter?Monica:Comeon!Itwasn’tthatbad!Chandler:Easyforyoutosay;you’llbewearingaveil.Monica:Allright,whataboutthethirdguy?Chandler:Youmeantheguywhokeptstaringatyourchest?Monica:Canyoublamehim?Chandler:Sorry,Ijustdon’tliketheideaofwhenIsay,"Ido,"he’sthinking,"Yeah,I’ddohertoo!"Monica:Wellthenwestillhaveaproblem.Chandler:Yeah!Phoebe:(returningwithJoey)Withwhat?Monica:Well,we’retryingtofindsomeonetoperformourweddingandthey’realleitherboringorannoyingory’know,can’tstopstaringattheladies.(Pointstoherchest.)(Joeynodshisapproval.)Phoebe:Oo!Youshouldhaveoneofusdoit!Monica:Phoebe,we’regettingmarried,married;notsixthgrademarried.Phoebe:No!No!It’s-it’suharealthing!AnyonecangetordainedontheInternetandperformlikeweddingsandstuff!Monica:Areyouserious?Phoebe:Yes!Afriendofminediditandit’stotallylegal!Joey:Icallit!!Phoebe:What?!No!Itwasmyidea!Chandler:Guysthankyouverymuchbutneitherofyouismarryingus.Joey:Doescallingitnotmeananythinganymore?!Chandler:Wearegoingtohavealegitimatememberoftheclergy!AndwhenIsaylegitimateImean,gayandincontrolofhissaliva![Scene:JoeyandRachel's,RachelandBenaresittingonthecouchboredoutoftheirminds.]Rachel:Beny’knowwhenuh,whenyouwereababy,youandIusedtohangoutallthetime.‘CauseIwas,Iwasyourdaddy’sgirlfriend.Ben:Butyou’renotanymore!Rachel:No,I’mnot.Ben:‘Causeyouguyswereonabreak.Rachel:Hey!Wewerenotona—Okay.That’sfine!Fine.Y’knowwhatBen?OnedaywhenyouarealotolderIamgoingtotellyouthatentirestoryoverapitcherofrealmargaritas,okay?Ben:When’smydaddycomingback?Rachel:(checksherwatch)Fifty-twominutes.(Pause)Sono-nobrothersandsisters,huh?Thatmustbenice.Youdon’thavetosharestuff.Ben:Sharingisgood.Rachel:Oh,you’reoneofthose.Buty’knowwhat?Ihavetwosistersofmyownandwejust-justtorturedeachother.Ben:Really?Likehow?Rachel:Welly’know,wewouldumm,repeateverythingtheothersaid,oruh,we’djumpoutofclosetstoscareeachother,orswitchthesugarforthesaltsothey’dputsaltontheircereal.Ben:(laughs)That’sagoodone.Rachel:Yeah?Youlikethatone?Ben:Yeah,you’refunny.Rachel:I’mfunny?OhthankGod!Wellhey,I’vegotatonofthese!Umm,ohhear—Doyouwantagoodone?Here’sagoodone.Umm,youuh,youtakeaquarter,takeaquarterand,andyoublackentheedge.Right?(Doesso.)Andthenyousaytoperson,Ibetyoucan’trollthisquarterfromyourforeheadtoyourchinwithoutitleavingyourface.Andthenwhentheydoit,they’releftwithabigblackpencillinerightdownthecenteroftheirface.Ben:CanIdoittoyou?Rachel:Yeah,I-I-I-I’mfunnyBen,butI’mnotstupid.Okay?[Scene:MonicaandChandler's,MonicaandChandlerareeatinglunchasJoeyenters.]Joey:So,didyouuh,findanyonetomarryyouguysyet?Chandler:No,butHornyforMonicaMinistercalled,wantingtoknowifwewerestilltogether.Monica:We’renevergonnafindanybody.Joey:Wellthenletmedoit!Chandler:Joe…Joey:No-no-no!Look,I’vebeenthinkingaboutit.I’manactorright?SoIwon’tgetnervoustalkinginfrontofpeople.Monica:Joeylookit’sreallysweet…Joey:No-no-no-nolookno!Iwon’tspit,andIwon’tstareatMonica’sbreasts!Y’know?EveryoneknowsI’manassman!Monica:Thatistrue.Joey:Yeahandthemostimportantthingisthatitwon’tbesomelike,strangeruptherewhobarelyknowsyou.It’llbeme!AndIswearI’lldoareallygoodjob.Plus,y’knowIloveyouguysand-anditwouldreallymeanalottome.Chandler:(ToMonica)Y’know,wehaven’tfoundanybodyelse.Monica:Itmightbekindacool.Joey:SoIcandoit?Chandler:Yeahyoucandoit.Joey:Allright!!!Okay!!Allright!Okay-okay,Igottagetstartedonmyspeech!Oh,waitaminute,Internetministerscanstillhavesexright?Chandler:Yeah.Joey:Okay.(Phoebeentersslowly.)Monica:HeyPheebs,how’sitgoing?Phoebe:Oh,Ihaveaheadache.Ahorribleheadache!Monica:Oh,I’msorry.CanIgetyousomething?Phoebe:OhmyGod,you’vegottostopchattering!Monica:Here,takeacoupleofthese.(Shegetsuptograbacoupleofpills.)Phoebe:Whatisit?Monica:It’sHexadrin.Phoebe:Ohno,Idon’tbelieveinWesternmedicine.No,ifyoujustapplypressuretothesepointsrighthere.(She’spinchingthebitofskinbetweenherrightthumbandforefingerwithherlefthand.)Thenyourhandstartstohurtandyoustillhaveaheadache,sothanks.(Takesthepills.)Monica:Okay,whilewe’rewaitingforthesepillstokickin,I’mgonnasityoudownonthecouch.Comeon.(Phoebegetsupandgoeswithher.)Getsomenicesoftpillowsunderyourhead,I’mgonnaturntheTVonandyoucanwatchwhateveryouwant.AndI’m—Sitdown—(Shesitsdownonthecouch)—gonnamakeyousometea.Andthen,I’mgonnarubyourfeet.Phoebe:Oh.Joey:Oh!Myhead!Oh!(He’ssittingonthechair,liesback,andputshisfeetupforMonicatorub.)Oh![Scene:JoeyandRachel's,Rachelisreadingandthereisknockonthedoorwhichsheanswers.]Rachel:Coming.(SheopensthedoortorevealRosswithapencilmarkfromhisforeheadtohischin.)Ross:Ihaveabonetopickwithyou.Rachel:Uh-oh.Ross:Yes!Benlearnedalittletrick.Rachel:Ohyeah?Didhepulltheold…(Sheiswavingherhandupanddownherface.She’sthinkingaboutthepencilmark.)Ross:That’sright!That’sright!SaranWraponthetoiletseatsothepeegoeseverywhere!Rachel:Ohthat.Ross:Yeahthat!YouknowIhatepracticaljokes!They’remeanandthey’restupidand-andIdon’twantmysonlearningthem!Rachel:Oh,comeon!SaranWraponthetoiletseat,youdon’tthinkthat’sjustalittlefunny?!Ross:Iwasbarefoot.Nowtellme,thetoiletthingistheonlythingyoutaughthimright?Rachel:(lookingathismark)Yes.[Scene:CentralPerk,Phoebe,Chandler,andMonicaarethere.]Phoebe:It’samazing!Myheadacheiscompletelygone!Whatarethosepillscalled?Monica:Hexadrin.(Shegetstheboxoutofherpurse.)Phoebe:Oh,IloveyouHexadrin!(Shekissesthebox.)Ohlook!Itcomeswithastory!(Shepullsouttheinstructionsandsideaffectspaper.)Monica:NoPhoebe,thosearelikethesideaffectsandstuff.Phoebe:Saywhat?Monica:Y’know,thepossiblesideaffects.Phoebe:OhmyGod!(Startsreadingthem.)Dizziness,nervousness,drowsiness,facialswelling,nausea,headache—Headache.Vomiting,stomachbleeding,liverdamage!Nowokay,Idon’trecallanyofthiscomingupwhenyougavemetheselittledeathcapsules!OhI’msorry,extrastrengthdeathcapsules!Monica:Phoebe,relaxnoneofthatstuffeverhappens!Theyjustputitonthereforlegalreasons!Phoebe:Why?Monica:Incaseithappens.Joey:(entering)Hey!Chandler:Hey!Joey:SayhellotoReverendJoeyTribbiani!(Holdsupthepieceofpaperbearingtheproofofhisordination.)Chandler:Hey!Monica:Youdidit!Yougotordained?!Joey:Yeah,IjustgotofftheInternet!Man,thereisalotofpornoutthere!Chandler:Ourminister…Phoebe:Ihaveliverdamage.Ow!Oh!(Shegrabstheleftsideofhertorso.)Monica:Phoebe,yourliverisrighthere.(Shepointstotherightsideofhertorso.)Phoebe:Okay,thenImustbedisoriented.Joey:Anyway,IstartedworkingonwhatI’mgoingtosayfortheceremony,doyouwannahearit?Chandler:Okay.Monica:Yeah!Joey:Now-now,listenthisisjustafirstdraftso…(Startstoreadthepieceofpaperhebrought.)"WearegatheredheretodayonthisjoyousoccasiontocelebratethespeciallovethatMonicaandChandlershare."(MonicaandChandlerlikeitsofar.)Eh?(Hecontinuesreading.)"Itisalovebasedongivingandreceiving.Aswellashavingandsharing.Andthelovethattheygiveandhaveissharedandreceived.Andthroughthishavingandgivingandsharingandreceiving."(Phoebenodsherapproval.)"Wetoocanshareandloveandhaveandreceive."Chandler:(ToMonica)Shouldwecallthespitter?CommercialBreak[Scene:CarolandSusan’s,thereisaknockonthedoorandCarolopensittorevealRachel.]Carol:HeyRachel!(ThecameracutstoherfaceandweseethatBenpulledthequartertrickwithheraswell.)Rachel:Hi!Carol:Whatanicesurprise!Whatareyoudoinghere?Rachel:Welly’knowIwasjustintheneighborhoodandIpassedbyyourbuildingandIthoughttomyself,"What’supwithCarolandsweet,littleBen?"Carol:CanIaskwhat—Comeonin.Rachel:Okay.Carol:Ummuh,I’llmakesomecoffeeandwecanuh,chat.Rachel:I’dlovethat.Iwouldloooove…(Carolgoestomakethecoffeeandshesitsdown.)Souh,sowhereissweetlittleBen?Iwouldlovetohavealittle...Ben:(jumpingupfrombehindherchair)Gotcha!!(Racheljumpsupstartled.)Rachel:Ifoundhim!(ToBen)Veryfunny,comehere!(ShesitsdownonthecoffeetableandBenwalksup.)ThatisexactlywhyI’vecomeheretotalktoyouokay?Carol:(fromthekitchen)Rach,doyouwantsomesugarinyourcoffee?Rachel:Yesoh—(ToBen)—DoIwantsugarinmycoffee?(Bennodsno.)No,justsomemilkwouldbegoodCarol.Thanks.(ToBen)Okay,doyourememberallthatstuffItaughtyouyesterday?Ben:(mimickingher)RememberallthatstuffItaughtyouyesterday?Rachel:Don’tdothat.Ben:Don’tdothat.Rachel:Seriously,yourdaddoesn’tlikepranks.Ben:Seriously,yourdaddoesn’tlikepranks.Rachel:Ohdamnit!Ben:Ohdamnit!Rachel:No!Don’tsaythat!Don’tsaythat!Ben:Damnit!Rachel:Nodon’t!Gobacktorepeating!Ben:Damnit!Rachel:Ohcrap!Ben:Ohcrap![Scene:MonicaandChandler's,Phoebe,Joey,Chandler,andMonicaarereturningfromCentralPerk.]Phoebe:Ifeellikemyfaceisswelling.(ToMonica)Ismyfaceswelling?Monica:Phoebe,yourfaceisfine!Comeon,noneofthisstuffisgoingtohappentoyou!Stopbeingsuchababy!Phoebe:Oh,interestingyoushouldcallmethat!NowthatImayneverhaveone!(Holdsupthewarninglabel.)Joey:Okayyouguys,Igotalittlemorewritten.Areyouready?Chandler:Yeah.O-okay.Joey:(reading)"WhenIthinkofthelovethatthesetwogiversandreceiversshare,Icannothelpbutenvythelifetimeaheadofhavingandlovingandgivingand…"AndthenIcan’tthinkofagoodwordforrighthere.(Hepointstothestoponthepaperwhereheleftoff.)Monica:Howaboutreceiving?Joey:Yes!Chandler:SeeJoe,notthatthat’snotgrrreat!But,oneofthecoolthingsabouthavingsomebodyweknowperformtheceremonyisthatitcanbeaboutus!Y’know,itcanbemorepersonal.Youcantellstoriesaboutus!Joey:Ooh,likethetimeyouandIwenttoAtlanticCityandImadeyoulaughsohardyouthrewupyourwholesteak?!Remember?Chandler:No,notus…(MotionsJoeyandhim.)Us!(MotionsMonicaandhim.)Monica:Igotcha.Sorry.(ToMonica)So,didyouevermakehimthrowupawholeanything?Phoebe:Didyoueverfeedhimapoisoncapsulethatmadehimbleedfromtheeyes?Monica:Itdoesn’tsaythat!Phoebe:Oh!Suddenlysomebodyknowsallaboutthesideaffects!Chandler:SeeJoe,wewantyoutotellstoriesbuty’know,romanticstories.Nicestories.Joey:Oh.Okay.Ooh!Ooh!Okay,maybeI’lltalkaboutLondon!Y’knowwhenyoutwohookedup!Only,onlyIwon’tsayhookedup.I’llsay,"Begantheirbeautifuljourney…"Monica:Thereyougo!Joey:"…bydoin’it."Chandler:Joe?Joey:Okay.Allright.Umm,souh,sohowdidithappen?Didyoureyesmeetacrosstheroom?Andthenthenextthingy’knowyou’reinthebathtubtogetherandshe’sfeedingyoustrawberries?Chandler:Isn’tthatwhathappenedwithyouandthebride’smaid?Joey:Yeah!!IcallthatLondonstyle.Monica:Nothatisnotwhathappenedwithus.Well,Iwasumm,IwasreallysadthatnightbecausethisguythatIwasRoss’smom.Joey:Oh.Monica:AndthenChandlerwas,wasreallysweetandheconsoledme.Andwellwedranktoomuch…Joey:Yeahbaby!Chandler:AndIwasaperfectgentlemanandIwalkedhertoherhotelroomandsaidgoodnight.Joey:Oh.Chandler:Butthenlaterthatnight…Joey:Yeahbaby![CuttoLondon,Chandler’shotelroom.Heisgettingreadyforbedbydoingpush-ups.Onepush-up.Justashegetsunderthecovers,there’saknockonthedoor.]Chandler:(answeringthedoor)Hey!Monica:(standingoutside)CutePJ’s!You’rereallylivin’ituphereinLondonhuh?Chandler:WellIwas…Iwasexactlyexpectingcompanyafter…(Helooksathiswatch.)9:15.Monica:(entering)IsJoeyhere?Chandler:Well,lasttimeIsawhimhewasheadingoutthedoorwiththebride’smaidandabucketofstrawberries.Souh,you’renotstillupsetaboutwhatthatguytoldyaareya?Monica:Wouldn’tyoube?Chandler:Well,lookit’sbeenareallyemotionaltimey’know,andyou’vehadalottodrink.Andyou’vejustgottoletthatgookay?Imeanyouwerethemostbeautifulintheroomtonight!Monica:Really?Chandler:Youkidding?You’rethemostbeautifulwomaninmostrooms…(Shejumpsupandkisseshim.)(Breakingthekiss.)Whoa!Whoa!Whoa!What’sgoingon?YouandIjustmadeout!YouandIaremakingout?Monica:Well,notanymore.Chandler:Butwedon’tdothat.Monica:Iknow,Ijustthoughtitwouldbefun.Chandler:Howdrunkareyou?Monica:DrunkenoughtoknowthatIwanttodothis.Notsodrunkthatyoushouldfeelguiltyabouttakingadvantage.Chandler:(thinks)That’stheperfectamount!Monica:Okay!(Theyruntothebed,sitdown,andstartmakingoutagain.)Monica:(breakingthekiss)Y’knowwhat’sweird?Chandler:What?Monica:Thisdoesn’tfeelweird!Chandler:Iknow.Monica:You’reareallygoodkisser.Chandler:Well,Ihavekissedoverfourwomen.(Theykissagain.)Doyouwannagetunderthecovers?Monica:Hm-hmm!Chandler:Okay!(Theydosoandtheytakeofftheirclothes.)Monica:Wow!Youarereallyfast!Chandler:Itbodeswellformethatspeedimpressesyou.Monica:We’regonnaseeeachothernaked.Chandler:Yep!Monica:Doyouwannadoitatthesametime?Chandler:Countofthree?Monica:One!Chandler:Two!Monica:Two!MonicaandChandler:Three!(Theyliftupthecoversandcheckeachotherout,thencomebackupwithsillygrinsontheirfaces.)Chandler:WellIthinkit’ssafetosaythatourfriendshipiseffectivelyruined.Monica:Eh,weweren’tthatcloseanyway!Chandler:Eh!(Theystartmakingoutagain,andittakesJoeytryingtoentertostopthem.)Chandler:Joey!Joey!Joey!J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey!(MonicahidesunderthecoversasJoeyenters.Remember?)Joey:Hey!Chandler:HeyJoe!Iwasjustwatchingamovie-e-e…(NoticesthattheTVisturnedoff.)Joey:Oh,dudeI’msosorry!Chandler:No!No!No!Joey:Heyno-no-no-no!It’scool!It’scool!I-I’llonlybeasecond,I’mstillwithmybride’smaid,Ijust—Wherearethosecondomsyoubrought?Chandler:They’reinmybagoverthere.(Points.)Joey:Ah.(JoeywalkstoChandler’sbagbygettingasfarawayfromChandler’sbedaspossible.)Chandler:Uh,couldyouleavemeone?Joey:(pause)Forjustyou?Chandler:Yeah.Joey:Heylisten,whydon’tyoucomedownstairswithme?There’ssomereallynicegirlsdownthere.Chandler:NoI-I-I’mfine.Joey:Allright,hereyougobuddy.(Hetosseshimone.)Gonuts.(Exits.)[CutbacktoMonicaandChandlertellingPhoebeandJoeythestory.]Joey:That’swhatthatwas?!‘Causethatotherthing?Ithoughtyouwereontosomething,butitdidnothingforme.Monica:Okay,canwechangethetopic?Becauseit’sreallydoingnothingforme.Joey:Oh…(ToChandler)CanyouimagineifIhadn’tleftyouthatlastone?Youtwomight’venevergottentogether.Ooh-ooh!CouldyouimagineifIsentthathookeruptotheroomlikeIwasgonna?!It’slikeitwasinthestars!Phoebe:Yeah,it’stotallymeanttobe.(ToMonica)Tellhimwhoyouoriginallywantedtohookupwiththatnight.Monica:What?!Chandler:What?Phoebe:(ToJoey)What?!Chandler:Whodidyouoriginallywanttohookupwith?Monica:Okay,finebutpleasedon’tbeupset!Okay?Iwasreallydepressedokay?Andreallydrunk!Ijustwantedsomethingstupidandmeaningless.Ijustwanted…justsex.So,whenI…wenttoyourroomthatnight…Iwasactuallylooking…forJoey.(Joeysmiles.)Joey:Yeahbaby!(Chandlerglaresathim.)Nobaby!CommercialBreak[Scene:MonicaandChandler's,scenecontinuedfromearlier.]Chandler:(ToMonica)SoyoucametotheroomlookingforJoey?Didyoueverin-intendontellingmeaboutthis?Monica:Nobecauseit-itdidn’tseemimportant.Chandler:Oh,it’snotimportant?It’snotimportant?!Ifitwasn’tforabride’smaidyou’dbemarryinghim(PointstoJoey)notme!Monica:Noo!!Thepointisthatiswasyouthatwastherethatnight!ItisyouthatIammarrying!ItisyouthatIfeelinlovewith!Joey:Anditisalovethatisbasedonhavingandgivingandreceiv—(ShutsuponMonica’sglare.)Chandler:Idon’tbelieveit.ThemostromanticnightofmylifeandI’mrunnerup.Monica:Chandler,please!DoyouknowhowunbelievablygladIamthatJoeywasnottherethatnight?!Joey:Hey!(Monicaturnsandlooksathim)NowI’mamanofthecloth,butIstillhavefeelings!Chandler:(ToJoey)Lookthereisnowayyou’redoingthisweddingnow.Okay?Joey:What?!That’snotfair!It’snotmyfault!Iwasoffwithmybride’smaid!Andwho’stosayIwould’veevensaidyes?!(ToMonica)ImeanIwould’vesaidyes.Chandlerlooky-y-youaremakingwaytobigadealoutofthis,allright?Look,everythingworkedoutokay!Chandler:Okay,it’sjustweird!Okay?Idon’twanttobestandingtheirsayingmyvowsandthenhavingthementalimageofyouandMonica!I-I-Ineed…Idon’tknowwhatIneed.Ineedawalk.Monica:WaitChandlercomeon,let’s—it’snotabigdeal!Chandler:Itistome.YouwantedtosleepwithBatman,andinsteadyouhadtosettleforRobin.(Walksoutandslamsthedoor.)Joey:Thisiscrazy.Phoebe:Iknow!Robinissogay![Scene:CarolandSusan’s,RachelistalkingwithBen.]Rachel:Sonowwhathaveweagreed?Ben:Nomorepranks.Rachel:And-andwhatelse?Ben:Thatyouanddaddywerenotonabreak.Rachel:Verygood.(There’saknockonthedoorandRossenters.)Ross:Rachel!Whatareyoudoinghere?Rachel:I’mjustvisitingmygoodfriendCarol.Ross:Yourgoodfriend?Rachel:Yeah!Ross:What’sherlastname?Rachel:Carol…Lesbian?Ross:Nice.Andbythewaythatuh,thatlinedownmyface?Rachel:Whatline?Ross:Wh-wh-whatline?Thelinethatpromptedastudentinmylastclassofthedaytosayuh,(Inacollegefratboyvoice)"Dude,don’tyoueverwasyourface?"Rachel:Allright,I’msorry.I’msorryIdidn’ttellyoubutyouweresomadalready!Ross:OfcourseIwasmad!ItoldyouI-Ihatethisstuff!Okay?It-it’snotfunny!Carol:(enteringfromthekitchen)HeyRoss!Ross:Hi.Carol:What’snotfunny?Ross:Practicaljokes.Carol:OhI…Ithinkthey’refunny.Ross:Youhavealinedownyourface.Carol:What?(Goesandchecks.)Rachel:Okay,maybetheyarenotfunnytoyou…Carol:(yellingfromthebathroom)OhmyGod!Rachel:OrCarol!Butthey’refunnytokidsandwhoisithurting?!Ross:Uh,y’knowwhat?I’lltellyouwhoithurts!Ithurtsthekidwhohasallhisclothesstoleningymclasssohehastogototheprincipal’sofficewearingnothingbutacatcher’smitt!Rachel:Thatwasyou?!WeheardaboutyouinJuniorHigh!Didyoureallyjustshakeyourfistintheairandshout,"Iwillberevenged?!"Ross:Iwillbe!Listen,Idon’twantyouteachingmysonthatstuffanymore.Okay?Rachel:Fine.Fine,butI’llhaveyouknowthatonceItaughthimthatstuffhecalledmeFunAuntRachel.AndIlovedbeingFunAuntRachelbutI’llgobacktobeingBoringandUncomfortableAuntRachelifthat’swhatyouwant!Ross:Nothat’snotwhatIwant.Uh,I’mgladyouguyswerebondingbutI…Rachel:Lookhedoesn’thaveanybrothersorsisters,somebody’sgonnahavetoteachhimthisstuff!AndIhaven’ttaughthimanythingthatanormal6-year-olddoesn’tknowanyway!Ben:(yellingfromoffcamera)Crap!!Rachel:Igottago!(Runsout.)[Scene:CentralPerk,ChandlerissulkingonthecouchasJoeyenterstotalkwithhim.]Joey:Hey.Chandler:Hey.Doyouwantthisscone?(Holdsuphisplate)Itcameformebutitwouldprobablyrathersleepwithyou!Joey:Chandler,comeonnothingevenhappened!Chandler:LookJoe,Iknowyouwantedtodothewedding…Joey:No-hey-no!Ifyoudon’twantmetodoit,Iexceptthat.Idon’tcareaboutthat.Ijust…Idon’twantyoutobeupset.Chandler:HowcanInotbeupset?Okay?Ifinallyfallinlovewiththisfantasticwomananditturnsoutthatshewantedyoufirst!Joey:Yeahforlikeahalfanhouronenight!Chandler,shewantsyoufortherestofherlife!You’resolucky!LookwhatImissedoutonbynotbeingthere!Althoughyouknowwhat?Itcouldneverhaveworkedlikeyouguysdid,‘causeyouguysareperfectforeachother.Y’know,welookatyouand-andweseeyoutogetheranditjust…it-itfits.Y’know?Andyoujustknowit’sgonnalastforever.Chandler:That’swhatyoushouldsay.Joey:What?Chandler:Whenyou’remarryingus;that’swhatyoushouldsay.Joey:Really?Icandoit?Chandler:I’dloveitifyouwoulddoit.Joey:Hey!(Theyhug.)Chandler:Butthosearethewords!Thoseexactwords!Joey:WellIdon’tknowrememberexactlybut,it’s-it’sprettymuchabouthavingandgivingandsharingandreceiving.[Scene:JoeyandRachel's,RachelisinthekitchenasRossandBenareentering.]Ross:Hey!Rachel:Hey!Ross:HeyI’msorrytodothistoyouagainbutuh,isthereanywayyoucanlookafterBenforalittlebit?I-I’vegotthismeetingatschool.And-andhe-heaskedforhisuh,‘FunAunt’Rachel,so…Rachel:Ohhh!WellofcourseIwillwatchhim!Wehavefun,don’tweBen?(Henodsyes.)Ross:Okay,I’llseeyoulaterpal.(Rossturnstoleave.)Rachel:Ohh,okay.(Rosshasasignonhisbackthatreads‘Poop.’)Wh—Ah-ha!(Rossstopsandturns.)Waitaminute.UhBen,Ican’tdoit.Ross:What?Rachel:Ican’tlethimgooutthatway,he’sgotameeting.(ToRoss)You’vegotsomethinghereonyourback.Ross:What?(Shetakesthesignoffandhandsittohim.)That’sgreat.Thatisgreat.(Crumplesupthepaperandthrowsitdowninanger.)WhatdidwejustfinishtalkingaboutBen?!Rachel:OhI…Ben:WhatdidwejustfinishtalkingaboutBen?!Ross:Allright,that’sit!(HerunsovertoBen,butherunspasthimandoutthedoor.)Come—you—no!Youareinbigtroubleyoungman!Rachel:No!Wait!Comeon![Cuttothehallway,BenrunsupstairswithRossinpursuit.]Ross:Wait!No!Ben,comehere!Iamnotkidding!Rachel:Noyouguys…(Shewalksoutintothehallway.)Ross:I-I-am—(SuddenlyRossstartsscreamingandcomesfallingdownthestairslandingjustinfrontofRachel.)Rachel:EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!MyGod!!!!!!!!!!!OhmyGod!!!!!!!(Sherunsovertohimandfindsthatitwasadummyandthatshehadbeenhad.)[Scene:CentralPerk,ChandlerandMonicaareentering.PhoebeandJoeyaresittingonthecouch.]Joey:Hey!Monica:Hey-hey.Joey:Soareguysdoingokay?Chandler:Yeah,wetalkedandMonicamademeseethatIoverreactedalittlebitandsomethingsinlifearemoreimportant.Monica:Yeahbaby!(PhoebeandJoeynod.)Phoebe:I’mreallygladyouguysareokaybut,Ijustkeepthinkingwhatwouldhappenif-ifyoutwo(PointstoMonicaandJoey)actuallyhadhookedup.[Scene:MonicaandJoey’s,Monicaiscooking.]Monica:Honey!Dinner’sready!(Joey,whosenewdietisworkingoutgreat,helookslikeheonlyweighs375downfrom420entersfromthebedroom.)FatJoey:What’smylittlechefgotformetonight?Monica:Yourfavorite!Joey:Ho-ho-ho,(pausingforarestnexttothefridge)friedstuffwithcheese!Monica:Yep!Andlot’sofit!FatJoey:Thankssweetheart.Givemealittlesugarhere.(Theykiss.)Okay.(Joeysitsdown.)Monica:Okay,inwego.(Monicagetsbehindhimandincombinationwithhisslidingthechairforwardandherpushingwithherlegmanagestogetuptothetable.)FatJoey:Herewego!Herewego!Herewego!(Groansandpicksupapieceoffood.)Howyoudoin’?EndingCredits[Scene:CentralPerk,JoeyisgettingPhoebesomecoffee.]Joey:Hereyougo.Phoebe:(stillreadingthelabel)OhmyGod!Thisisasix-hourpill!(Checksherwatch)That’sit!I’moutofthewoods!Ohh!Whatarelief!Joey:Goodforyou!Phoebe:Oh,it’slikehugeweighthasbeenlifted!‘Causelook,(readsthesideaffects)nohairloss,notarash,nohives,I’mjustsohappy!Becausenoshortnessofbreath,notemporaryeuphoria—Oh.End716我知道你在倫敦干了什么內(nèi)急，借廁所一用.快去吧.去之前確認一下，那兒有喬伊專用的浪漫雜志嗎?沒有.好!可以去了!謝謝菲比!本,是瑞秋!無所謂了.能幫我個忙嗎?院長辦公室剛來電話說要開個緊急會議.能幫我?guī)б幌卤締?就一小時.怎么,怎么不找莫妮卡?噢,她不在家.那就只有我一個人嗎?還有本啊.怎么了?哦,這個…我從沒試過呢.和他單獨在一起.瑞秋,他又不是從監(jiān)獄里放出來的.好吧.我該和他干什么呢?不知道!就跟他講話,讓他高興,