突破讀后續(xù)寫微技能動作鏈的寫作指導(dǎo)基于同學(xué)在續(xù)寫中描寫“動〞作中的用詞簡潔籠統(tǒng)、多使用靜態(tài)類描寫與描述漫無目的等問題，擬突破在人物交互中布滿動態(tài)和畫面感的動作鏈描寫，關(guān)心突出人物共性與心情。在新課標(biāo)中對同學(xué)的語言技能中的表達(dá)性技能提出了要求，而在高考的讀后續(xù)寫題型中恰恰需要同學(xué)呈現(xiàn)描述力量，開展有效溝通。本微技能廣泛消失在各讀后續(xù)寫文本中，在人物的交互中必定會消失動作描述，而使得人物“動〞起來的一個重要方面就是動作鏈的細(xì)節(jié)描寫。動作鏈:故事躍動的心臟01動作鏈的概念動作描寫是情節(jié)推動的重要工具，好比故事跳動的心臟。將哲彩家賣分解成一步步的過程，就形成了連貫的“慢鏡頭描寫〞。這就是動作鏈。2.形式:D動作A,動作Band動作c.[案例1]AsshecrossedtheopengroundinfrontoftheMoonandStarssheheardmenshouting,andsmelledthebeer,andhurriedalittle,thinkingherhusbandwasprobablyinthebar.案例2]Thenshestraightenedthekitchen,litthelamp,mendedthefire,lookedoutthewashingforthenextday,andputittosoak.[解析]選自SonsandLovers第一章。案例1描述女仆人公Mrs.Morel在集市中經(jīng)過酗酒丈夫常去的酒吧時，連續(xù)描述了四個動作hear/smell/hurry/think，使得這一場景連貫生動;案例2描述Mrs.Morel在等待丈夫歸來時候做家務(wù)的系列動作，營造隱忍苦悶的氣氛。2分詞A(done/doing/havingdone),動作Band動作[案例3]Thesuncameoutthroughthechinksofthevineleavesandmadebeautifulpatterns,likealacescarf,fallingonherandonhim.案例4]Thewomandroppedtheclothes,lookedatMrs.Morel,thenwentonwithherwork,sayingnothing.[解析]選自SonsandLovers第一章。案例3描述了Mrs。02動作鏈的功能功能一:調(diào)整節(jié)奏，襯托氛重案例3]Thesuncameoutthroughthechinksofthevineleavesandmadebeautifulpatterns,likealacescarf,fallingonherandonhim.描述出光纖[解析]通過環(huán)境描寫中陽光的變化，緩和了情節(jié)穿過樹葉間隙，灑在地上的美麗外形的前進(jìn)。其中thesuncameout/madebeautifulpatterns預(yù)示著這是仆人公生命中美妙的一段時間結(jié)合比方，襯托出女仆人公和她的情人芳心暗許的的美妙氣氛。功能二:凸顯聚焦，襯托性欄[案例5]“Ohmyboy!〞shefaltered.Herlipstrembledherfacebroke,and,snatchingupthechild,sheburiedherfaceinhisshoulderandcriedpainfully.[解析]選自SonsandLovers第一章。前文描寫了Mrs.Morel的丈夫，趁其不備時，將她引以為傲的大兒子美麗的紳士般的頭發(fā)，剪掉了。此處Mrs.Morel看到兒子被剪得狗啃般的發(fā)型，又氣又惱，這一舉動襯托出MrsMorel作為沒落貴族之女的傲慢被現(xiàn)實擊垮后的無力和無望。03動作描寫的問題動作描寫的問題1動詞使用籠統(tǒng)，缺乏動作連貫。2使用單個動態(tài)動作或靜態(tài)動作。3描述漫無目的，失去描寫作用。04.動作鏈的寫作以2212浙江Z20續(xù)寫為例Cathy,mymom,whosepetphrase(口頭禪)

was

“Nevergiveup〞,wasourfamily’sbeaconofpositivity.Itwasnota

titlesheearned

withoutconcerted

(全都的)

effort,however.Whenshewasonlythirtyyearsold,herhusband

waskilledinacaraccidentandshewaslefttoraisemealone.

Mymom

couldhavelivedunderablackcloud.Instead,she

challengedherselftofind

joyeveryday.Leadingbyexample,Momtaughtmejusthowmuchonecouldacplishwithapositiveattitude.ShehastakenthesameapproachinherrelationshipwithhergrandchildrenMaxandCharley.

Onehotsummerafternoon,mymomandhertwograndsons,

havingspent

twohoursbuildingsandcastlesandcollectingseashellsonthebeach,

sankintotheirbeachchairs

tohavearest.Howthey

longedfor

deliciousicecreamtocoolthemselves,especiallythetwokids!

Suddenly,mymomheardthefamiliarloudclang(叮當(dāng)聲)

oftheicecreamman’sbellfromherbeachchair.Sheturnedquicklyandsawhim

briefly,spottinghisdistinctivegreenshirtandcatchingthegleamofhiswavingbellbeforeheturnedanddisappearedoverthedunes(沙丘).

Happily,theicecreamman’svisitwas

adailyoccurrence

atthebeach,althoughthelagtimebetweenthesoundofhisbell

andthedepartureofhistruckwasnotlong.Onemustbequickenoughtocatchhimtobuytheicecream.

MaxandCharleywereingreatdisappointmentwhentheydidn’tcatchhimintimethatdaybecausetheyreallywantedtohaveatasteofthosecoolicecreams.Thatwasuntilmymom’seyessparkledandshesaidtothekids,

“Nevergiveup!〞Sheexplainedtothekidsthatthetruckmightbegone,buttheyshouldbeabletocatchhimupatitsnextstop.Andthekidsagreedimmediately.留意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Paragraph1:SoMaxandCharley,acpaniedbymymom,begantheirmission.Paragraph2:MaxandCharley,encouragedbymymom,walkedanotherthreeblocks.途徑1:庖丁解牛，按時間挨次分解大動作[場景]Max和charley最終追逐上了冰激淋車。潤色]WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtimetheyfinallysawthetruckagain.“追逐上〞這個大動作按時間挨次分解為:搖擺雙臂+拖著身軀+看到車子[改后]Thetwobrothersflailedtheirarms,draggedtheirfeettowardsthenextstop,andfinallyspottedthetruckagain.途徑2:動靜結(jié)合，按中心動作創(chuàng)立動作面[場景]Max和charley最終追逐上冰激淋車。潤色]WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtimetheyfinallysawthetruckagain.[動作面描寫手段]整體一局部;肢體一頭部/面部一語言/心理[改后]Flailingtheirarms/Clutchingtheirfistsintowhiteknots/Teethclenched,thetwobrothersstrodeforwardandfinallycaughtsightofthelovelytruckinthecolorofmacaron.[改后]Wadingthroughtheboundlessbeach,hisfeetweaklikejelly,Maxstrayedhiseyesintonothingnessoftheair,andfinallywailed,“Ican'tgoanyfurther!'途徑3:有的放矢，輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)[場景]Max和charley最終追逐上冰激淋車。潤色]WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtime,theyfinallysawthetruckagain.[目的]此處的描寫目的在于突出追逐中的疲乏，以表達(dá)出奶奶的鼓舞:Nevergiveup!的重要性。修辭手法:比方/夸張/擬人/比照..目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追逐冰激淋車途中的疲乏。比方之前舒適的沙灘現(xiàn)在就像一塊巨大的鐵鍋，他們一邊走熱氣一邊從底下冒上來，燙到他們的腳板，也挫傷了他們的士氣。Theoncecozybeachagianthotpanforthem,theydraggedalongwhileheatrosesluggishlyfromtheirfeet,blisteredtheirskinanddiscouragedtheirmorale.夸張目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追逐冰激淋車途中的疲乏天太熱了，Max仿佛流了好幾噸的汗水，抬手擦了擦汗抬起腳來走下一步，但腳下的沙子仿佛有吸引力一般，將他的腳牢牢陷在里面。Sweatingfortons,Maxwepthisperspirationsawayandpulledhisfeetfromthesand,whichseemedasifithadastrongmagnettosinkthem擬人目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追逐冰激淋車途中的疲乏明晃晃的太陽用完全力地炙烤他們身上的每一滴水分，刺痛他們的頭頂，消磨他們的意志。“我走不動了!"Charley忍不住哀嚎，他弓著背，雙手撐在膝蓋上，好像要溶化了。Theblazingsunjustwouldn'tleavethemalone.ltsuckedeverydropofthesweatdry,beatdownuponthemandworndowntheirwillpower“Ican'twalkanyfurther!〞Charleywhined,archedhisback,proppedhishandsontheknees,asifmeltingdown.比照目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追逐冰激淋車途中的疲乏孩子們已經(jīng)走得歪歪扭扭了，最終跌坐在路邊，熱氣把他們身上最終一絲力氣都抽走了:反觀奶奶，額頭的汗水流進(jìn)了她眼窩里，襯得她的目光更為堅決了。Thechildrenstaggeredon,thelasttraceofdeterminationextractedfromtheirbody,andfinallyparalyzedthemselvesontotheground.Theirgranny,however,stoodevenmorefirmthoughhersweatsweredrippingdownandflowingintohereyesockets.參考答案：Foryourreferenceowingthesoundofthetruckreceded,withthecravingfortheyummyicecreams.Theboyssetoffatabriskpaceahead,andmymombroughtuptherear.However,aftertheytrottedforthreeblocksintheblazingsun,therewasstillneitherhidenorhairofthetruck.Theoncecozybeachagianthotpanforthem,theydraggedalongwhileheatrosesluggishlyfromtheirfeet,blisteredtheirskinanddiscouragedtheirmorale.Theirgranny,