===《老爸老媽的浪漫史第七季第16-20集》英中字幕=========目錄第16集 2第17集 16第18集 31第19集 45第20集 61第20集 75

第16集Sorrythisistakingsolong. Hekickedforeverybodyelse. It'shardforthelittleguy toperformunderpressure. ToptenthingsMarshall saidonhisweddingnight. Whoa!Itwassmall,but IthinkIfeltsomething. ToptenthingsLilysaid onherweddingnight. Stoplaughingatit,Lily. ToptenthingsMarshall saidonhisweddingnight! Canwepleasetalkaboutsomething otherthanmyweddingnight? Absolutely.Let'stalkaboutlastnight. Itwasanightlikeanyother. Iwasjustabouttogetlaid... Hey,Barney,Ineedyourhelp. ThishottieI'mtalkingtois meetingherfriendataclub, soIneedawingman. Well,justsoyouknow,I'dbe givingupasurethinghere. -Areyounotasurething? -Yeah,Iam. This"friend"ofyoursbetterbe evenhotteranddumberthanthisone. Wow!YouhaveEnormousPenis Syndrome?I'veneverheardofthat. Yeah.That'stheproblem withE.P.S.lackofawareness. That'swhyI'm organizinga10Kfun-run. Ofcourse,manyofus willneedwheelbarrows. Youaresobrave. Andyouaresounderstanding. Mostpeoplejuststareatme likeI'msomekindoffreak inreinforcedunderwear. Poor,baby. Ican'timaginewhatyou'regoing throughbecauseIneverwearunderwear. -Jackpot! -Youwanttogetoutofhere? Oh,Idon'tknow.Thisisall movingkindoffast.Okay. Oh,butbeforewego,I shouldmentionmycondition. It'scalled:I'mNota GullibleDumbassDisorder. AstheformerSurgeon General,I'vegottosay, Idon'tthinkthat'stherealthing. Okay,juststop.You havenochancewithme. We'rejusthereas backupsforourfriends. -Hey,howdidyoutwomeet,anyway? -No,we'renotdoingthatfirstdatedance whereyoupretendeverything Isayisfascinating, thinkingit'llsomehow getyouintomypants. What?Guysdon'tdothat! Goatcheese?Fascinating!What elseareyouallergicto,huh? Youowemethreehours forlastnight,Mosby. I'mthinking,lasertag tournamentinNewarkthisweekend. Tedcanpassforunder18,right? It'safather-sonthing. Marshall,weshouldgetgoing.Any later,andwe'llberidingtheDrunkTrain. Oh.TheDrunkTrain? It'sthelasttrainofthenight backtoLongIsland.It'samess. Justabunchofdrunk,sloppyidiots, freshoffanightof partyinginthecity, justdesperatetohookup withanythingthatmoves. -Yeah. -Bye. Seeyou. Newplan,Ted. Sothisfather-sonthing. Youknow,abackwardsbaseball capreallyyoungsmedown. Allaboard! ForValentine'sweekend, LilyandMarshallinvitedKevinand Robinonacouple'sgetawaytoVermont. 16yearstogether,andstill soinlove.What'syoursecret? Thekeytorelationships isunderstandingthedifference betweenhearingandlistening. -It'saboutrespectingyourpartner's... -Opinionson... Kindofonarollhere. Relationshipsareagiveandtake, andthat'swhyit's importanttoneverkeepscore. Yeah,likehowBarney'sholding thesethreehoursoverTed'shead. Iftheywereacouple,they'dneverwork. Obviously.Ted'saTaurus,and BarneyissuchaScorpio. Goodadvice.Don'tkeepscore. They'renotevenclosetofinished. Howdowenotkeepscore,youask? Soundslikesomebodywantto hearsomeexamples,sweetie. I'mjustgonnaclosemy eyesuntilit'sallover. ToptenthingsLilysaid onherweddingnight. Solid. Here'sone. EverytimeMarshall's momcomestovisitus, wehavetoputoutall thetackyMinnesotagifts she'sboughtusovertheyears. -Hi,Mom! -Hi,Mrs.Eriksen! Marshall. Idon'tseethegopher-hair teacozyImadeyou. Guessitwasn'tgoodenoughforLily. ButI'dneverholdthatoverMarshall, becauseifIdid,he'dowemebig-time. JustlikeIwouldneverholditoveryou fordraggingmetothat experimentaltheaterpiece. Isit...isitjustscreaming? just Butwedon'tkeepscore. Gotcha,loudandclear.Don'tkeepscore. Becauseifwedid,thenMarshallwould owemeforkillingmycousin'sdog. HowdidIknowthat hewouldeatmywallet? Whywasyourwallet filledwithchocolate?! Sowe'rebacktothisargument! Thatnight,BarneyandIfoundourselves inastrange,newuniversecalled... TheDrunkTrain. Wherehasthisheavenly vehiclebeenallmylife? Canyouhearitsinspiringchant,Ted? IthinkIcangetlaid,I thinkIcangetlaid. It's-it'sTheLittleEngine withWood,TheWhore-ientExpress. TheLongIslandTailRoad! Oh,Igotone.ThomastheSpankEngine! Ted,thatisachildren'sbook. Okay,asfunasthisplace is,it'slate.So,what'sourplay? Anddon'tsay,"TheSiameseTwins""We're notstretchingoutanotheroneofmyjackets. No,dude,thisistheDrunk Train.Wedon'tneedaplay! Allwehavetodoissitback,play itcool,scopeoutthehotties, andbytheendoftheline,wewill totallybesleepingwithsomeone. three Youknow,youaresogreat. Yousattherelisteningto MarshallandLilybickerallnight, andyoudidn'tcomplainonce. Well,Iamatherapist,so Idoplanonbillingthem. Ialsohaveacouplepowerful medicationsthatmighthelp. -Lilycan'ttakeanything;she'spregnant. -Imeantforus. Ifwe'regettingthroughfivemore mealsandasleighridewiththoseguys, weneedtobespacedoutofourgourds. Well,ifwearekeepingscore,I oweyouoneweekend,mister. Iwasthinkinga littlelongerthanthat. Whatdoyoumean? Robin,willyoumarryme? Look,Iknowthisisfast.I'mjust excitedtostartalifewithyou. Ifthat'swhatyouwant. I'm-I'mnotsayingno. I'm-I'mnotsayinganything. Ijust,um...I-Ineed sometimetothink. Itotallyunderstand.Um,take asmuchtimeasyouneed. I'lljust,uh...I'lljustkeep thishereuntilyou'reready. -Anychancewecouldputthatbadboyawayfornow? -It'sreallyjuststaringatus,isn'tit? Ted!Ted!Ted! Ithoughtofsomenewgreat namesfortheDrunkTrain. Slamtrak! TheChatta-Nookie Choo-Choo! ThomastheSpankEngine! -Isaidthatoneyesterday. -Idon'tthinkyoudid. Wow.Someone'shadsomecoffee. Yeah.18cups! ThereisnowayI'm fallingasleeptonight! ThatQuinngirlissowrong. ShesaidIcouldneverlove anything,butIlovethistrain! Shesaidyoucouldnever loveanything?That'sintense. Oh,youhavenoidea. Stopstaring.Notgonnahappen. Isthereanywaywecanstart overandgettoknoweachother? Ialreadyknowyou. Oh,really? -Youwearasuitallthetime. -Obviously. Youhaveastupidruleabouteverything. Ipayforthemeal,youhandlemy deal.That'sjustgoodmanners. Butyouendmostnightsaloneat astripclub,feelingemptyinside, tellingyourselfyourlifeissomehow epicorclassicor...legendary. Ineversayepicorclassic. Doyoupracticethedarkarts? No,theydidnotforgetthepotato saladinyourtakeoutorder! Wh-Whathappenednext?! Forthelasttime,I'msorry. It'sokay.Yourdebtispaid. Youdon'thavetocomeon theDrunkTrainanymore. You'renevergonnameet theonethere,anyway. -Oh,screwtheone! -What? EverydateI'vebeenon latelyhasbeenbrutal. Lastweek,Iwentoutwithagirl whosefavoritebandwasGlee. Plus,it'salmostValentine'sDay, andI'malonewithout anythingclosetoagirlfriend. So...allaboard! Ihaveneverbeenmore proudofyou.Comeon. Ted,tonightisgonnabe epic--waitforit--dary! Wait.No,that'snotit. HowdoIusuallysayit? IhatethisQuinngirl! -Well,Iproposeweorderabottleofwine. -Propose! Notpropose.Suggest.I'mnot marriedtotheidea.Lily,takeit. Whydon'twegetanappetizer? Howaboutthe...onionrings? Imean,diamondrings. Imean,diamondcircles. Imean,onioncircles.I knowthey'refattening, butIhearthisplace hasgreatonioncircles. So,Robin,aboutnottellingthem? Thegreensaladlooksinteresting. You'resomuchbetterwithouthim. Ifyouaskme,Vinnie'sarealjerk. Hey,don'tyoudarebadmouthVinnie! -Sowhatdoyoudo? -Well,Iteacharchitecture,andIalso... Oh,bigmanwithajob.You thinkyorebetterthanme? What... So...wheredoyoulive? I'montheUpperWestSide. Oh,bigman.LivinginManhattan. What,youthinkyou'rebetterthanme? Youthinkyou'rebetterthanme?! Well,it'sacloseone. Lilymade14awkwardreferencesto marriage,andMarshallmadeaneven60. -I'msosorry,Kevin. -It'sokay. I'mgonnagotobed,butyouguysthink tomorrowwecanstopwithallthemarriagetalk? -Ido. -Ido. That'sahalfapointeach. -Seeyouinaminute. -Okay. So?Areyouanyclosertodeciding? well,thereissomethingyoudon'tknow. Canyouguyskeepasecret? -Yeah. -Well,someofuscan. Well,there'ssomething Ihavebeenkeeping fromeveryoneforthe lastcoupleofmonths. IfoundoutthatIcan'thavechildren. -I'msosorry. -Yeah. -Areyouokay? -Ican'tbelievethatwedidn'tknow. No,youknow,I'vehadsome...time todealwiththisbymyself,and... I'mokay.Forreal. -Areyousure? -Yeah. So...eventhoughIloveKevinandI... thinkIwanttosayyes,I can'tuntilItellhim. ButI'mscaredit'll endourrelationship. Youknowwhat,Robin?Ifit's meanttobe,thenitwon'tmatter. Yeah,youjusthavetotellhim. ThankGodwehadthekeys toMarshallandLily'splace. PrettysureItoldyouthatbefore youkickedinthatsidewindow. Youmean,beforethe"burglars" kickedinthatsidewindow andstoleallofLily'sunderwear. Whatthehellhappenedonthattrain? Itwasabsolutechaos. Ted,whenIwasatM.I.T.,my favoriteEinsteinquotewas: "Goddoesn'tplaydice withtheuniverse." -Youdidn'tgotoM.I.T. -Ididn't? Iactuallyhavenoidea whereyouwenttocollege. Whoareyou? Ifweanalyzetheseemingly randompatternsofthetrain, takingintoaccountstandarddeviation, andassumingthatepsilonapproaches zeroasangledeltaapproachespi, wecanconclude... Damnit,Ted! Iwasabouttodropsomesweet wordplayaboutlogarithms andgettingintoarhythmwithmylog. I'llrememberit. Thenextmorning,Robin musteredupallhercourage andfinallytoldKevinhersecret. Iknowthatthisis alottoprocess,so... youtakeallthetimeyouneed. -AndIunderstand... -Robin... willyoumarryme? Yes. -Whatareyoudoing? -ThetopspeedoftheDrunkTrainis73milesperhour, andyoufactorinan aggregateof32boobspercar, 28ofwhicharemotorboatable,and youdividethat... No,no,no!Thisisallwrong! Itshouldbesosimple!I mean,it'stheDrunkTrain! MyGod... it'sbeenrightinfront ofusthewholetime. get -"Getdrunk" -Yeah. Ofcourse. Goodcircling,Ted. Thisain'tmyfirstwordsearch. SomyMom'salreadypickeda date,venueandcatererforthewedding. Butnothing'ssetinstone. Mygreat-aunt'sgonna sing.That'shappening. -Areyoureallyokaywiththis? -Yeah,she'sactuallygotadecentvoice. No,areyou...areyouokaywith everythingthatwetalkedabout? Ofcourse,Robin,Iloveyou. Besides,thereare otherwaystohavekids. There'sadoption,surrogacy... No,Kevin,it'snotjustthatI can'thavekids,Idon'twantkids. Okay. Knowingthat,doyouwant totakeyourproposalback? Willyoumarryme? Oh,youtakesuchgoodcareofme. Thanksforloaningmeyour shoesformyswollenfeet. Ah!Ioweyouone. -Wehavetostopthis -Stopwhat? Keepingscore. You'regrowingababy,ourbaby. Soyou'reofficially aheadofmeforlife. Oh,thanks,sweetie. Oncewe'reparents,we havetobeateam.Deal? eight It'syourturn!Iwasonpoint forsixstraighthoursyesterday! Twoofthosehourswere anapandyouknowit! Let'sgototheboard! Ihopeit'sasoupydeuce,sucka. Deal.We'reateam. Iwasall,"DoIlooklike I'mfromRonkonkoma?!" That'sallyougottasay! Oh,oh,oh,bigmanwithabriefcase! Whatdoyouthink,you're betterthanme?! Hey,ourstop'snext. Doyouwanttojoinus? -Yeah,Ithinkwedo. -Nah,we'regood. -Tooskanky. -Tooskanky?It'stheDrunkTrain. Youcrossedoutallthe stopsandwrote"Vaginaville. "That'snottrue.That onesays"BonerGardens. "What'sgoingon? Wait.DidthatQuinngirl shakeyourgameorsomething? Hellno! Attheendofthenight... Youknow,Iwentouttonightlooking foracheap,meaninglessfling. Butyouturnedouttobesospecial. I'dhatetoruinthis friendshipwithsex. Oh,oh,Iamwillingtotakethatrisk. Goodone,Ted. Anyway,I'mseriouslycontemplating purchasinganewironingboard. Doyouthink...? Okay,I'llgiveyouthis:You stoodbyyourboyallnight, eventhoughyouhaveno chanceofgettingwithme. Thatwasprettycool. Yeah,youknow,inretrospect, Ithinkthatwasthemomentyoudecided tocomebacktomyplaceandgetnasty. Yeah,right.Getup.You'reonmybra. Sorry. Where'syourbathroom? Pastthekitchen,downthehall. See,IfeellikeIwouldrememberyoutwo beingnakedonyourcouch inthemiddleoftheclub. Oh,right.Thatwaslaterinmy apartmentafterwegotnasty.Mybad. So,youwanttogoto adinerorsomething? Wait-wait-wait. Yousleptwithher? Iknow,Iknow.I'mlate onsendingthepictures. I'vebeenswamped. -YoulikeQuinn. -I... That'swhyyoucan'tstop "complaining"abouther. That'swhyyoujusttanked ourchancewiththese... lovelyinnocentflowers. Idon'tevencarewherewego,but Ihatedoingitontheground. Barney,doyouknowwhyI'monthe DrunkTrainonValentine'sDay? BecauseIhavenothingbettertodo. NooneIcan'tstopthinkingabout. Soifyoufeelsomething forQuinn,goforit. Becauseyou'rewasting yourtimehere.Webothare. Idon'tlikeQuinn! Kevin,Iloveyou,butpleasedon'tjust betheniceguywhosaystherightthing. Robin,Iwanttomarry younomatterwhat. Assumingyoudon'tturn intoabigfatfattie. See?Rightthere.Don't alwayssaytherightthing. Look,youjustgotatruckload ofnewinformationdumpedonyou. Willyoumarryme? Myfeelingsonkidsaren'tgonnachange. -Willyoumarryme? -Haven'tyoualwayswantedkids? ThatwasbeforeIfellinlovewithyou. Well,that'sthething.Your futurealwayshadkidsinit. Thatissomethinghugeyou wouldbegivingupforme. Ijustdon'tthinkIcould everowesomeonethatmuch. I'mscaredthatyou'll... wakeupin-inayearor tenor50,fullofregret. So...Ineedyoutobesure,okay? Ifwegetmarried,you willneverhavechildren. Areyoureallyokaywiththat? EnormousPenisSyndrome? E.P.S.It'sallaboutawareness. That'swhywe'redoingthefunrun,the silentauction,thethree-leggedrace. Ofcourse,that'sjustoneguy. Youknowwhat?Ican'tdothis. Youcanletmeoutuphere. Why?Yougotagirlfriendorsomething? Maybesomething. Kids,sometimesyourealize thejourneyyou'vebeentaking hasreacheditsfinalstop. So,thequestionbecomes: Wheredoyougonext? Areyouokay? Ayearfromnow,we'llallbegone Allourfriendswillmoveaway Andthey'regoingtobetterplaces Butourfriendswillbegoneaway... So...heun-proposed. We'reover. AndI-I... I-Iknowit'sforthebest. It'sjust... Iwasfinallyready forsomethingserious. Heseemedliketheguyto takethatnextstepwith. Buthecouldn'tlookpastthis. Imean,whocould? Icould. Iloveyou,Robin. You'vebeencomplaining aboutthisBarneyguysomuch, I'mstartingtothinkthatyoulikehim. Likehis apartment--check. Likehismoves downtown--checkplus. Butlikehim?Ugh.Please. I'mjustsurprisedhe doesn'trecognizeyou. Hepracticallyliveshere. Gentlemen,giveitupforKarma. 不好意思讓大家久等了 其實(shí)他之前有踢過(guò)的 可能現(xiàn)在壓力太大 難以發(fā)揮吧 Marshall新婚之夜語(yǔ)錄之一 好像輕輕來(lái)了一下 我感覺(jué)到一點(diǎn)了 Lily新婚之夜語(yǔ)錄里之一 不準(zhǔn)笑Lily Marshall新婚之夜語(yǔ)錄! 咱能不談我的新婚之夜嗎? 沒(méi)問(wèn)題那就聊聊昨晚吧 就跟其他晚上沒(méi)什么區(qū)別 我又有機(jī)會(huì)約上一炮 Barney來(lái)幫幫忙 跟我聊天的那個(gè)美女 要去夜店里見(jiàn)個(gè)朋友 我要你陪我去 可是我馬上就約炮成功了 -難道不是么? -好吧的確 那個(gè)"朋友"最好比這個(gè)更辣更笨 你得了巨型陰莖綜合癥 我從來(lái)沒(méi)聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這個(gè)病 是啊這個(gè)病就是常遭受漠視 這就是我為什么要組織 一萬(wàn)米的長(zhǎng)跑比賽 不過(guò)大多數(shù)患者都需要個(gè)手推車(chē) 你太勇敢了 你太善解人意了 其他人都只會(huì)盯著我 認(rèn)為我是個(gè)愛(ài)穿 加固型內(nèi)褲的變態(tài) 真可憐 我不能感同身受 因?yàn)槲覐膩?lái)不穿內(nèi)褲 -中頭彩! -你想走嗎? 這好像有點(diǎn)太快了走吧 但在走之前我要坦白一件事 我得了"老娘才不傻障礙癥" 作為曾經(jīng)的衛(wèi)生署署長(zhǎng) 我覺(jué)得不可能有這個(gè)病 好了別鬧了 你泡不到我的 我們就來(lái)陪陪朋友而已 -你們倆是怎么認(rèn)識(shí)的? -得了吧我們又不是在約會(huì) 你不用假裝覺(jué)得 我說(shuō)的屁大點(diǎn)事兒都很有趣 只是為了借機(jī)跟我上床 哪有?我們才不會(huì)那樣! 山羊乳干酪?!真有趣! 你還對(duì)什么東西過(guò)敏? 昨天晚上你欠了我三個(gè)小時(shí)Mosby 來(lái)參加周末的激光槍錦標(biāo)賽補(bǔ)償我 Ted扮未成年沒(méi)問(wèn)題吧? 這次是父子組隊(duì)比賽 Marshall我們要走了 再晚一點(diǎn)就只能搭醉號(hào)列車(chē)了 醉號(hào)列車(chē)? 最后一班回長(zhǎng)島的列車(chē) 車(chē)上亂得要死 車(chē)上盡是些醉醺醺的屌絲 剛從城里的趴體上回來(lái) 到處勾搭人 -沒(méi)錯(cuò) -拜拜 拜拜 新計(jì)劃Ted 如果要扮父子組隊(duì)的話 反著戴棒球帽的我特別顯小 上車(chē)去! 情人節(jié)的那個(gè)周末 Lily和Marshall邀請(qǐng)Kevin和Robin 一起去了佛蒙特州 16年了都還這么恩愛(ài) 你們有什么秘訣? 維系一段感情的關(guān)鍵 是明白聽(tīng)見(jiàn)和聽(tīng)懂的區(qū)別 -要尊重另一半的... -觀點(diǎn)... 我正說(shuō)著呢 感情中要相互遷就 別老是計(jì)較太多 搞得跟比賽一樣 就像Barney老是揪住 Ted浪費(fèi)了他三個(gè)小時(shí)這件事不放 如果他們是一對(duì)絕對(duì)長(zhǎng)久不了 很明顯的Ted是金牛座 Barney是典型的天蝎 好建議不要計(jì)較 他們絕對(duì)還有一大堆建議要說(shuō) 我們是怎么樣不計(jì)較的呢? 大家都想聽(tīng)一些列子親愛(ài)的 我多想把我的耳朵捂住 Lily新婚之夜語(yǔ)錄之一 不錯(cuò)啊 比如這個(gè) 每次Marshall的媽媽來(lái)看我們的時(shí)候 我們都要把她這些年 送給我們的那些俗氣小禮物 通通擺出來(lái) -嗨Mom -嗨Eriksen太太 Marshall 我沒(méi)看見(jiàn)我給你們做的 地鼠毛茶壺套 應(yīng)該是Lily嫌棄它吧 但是我從來(lái)都沒(méi)跟Marshall計(jì)較 要不然他就欠了我一個(gè)大人情 就像你把我拉去先鋒小劇場(chǎng) 看那個(gè)前衛(wèi)的話劇 我也沒(méi)有怪你 這話劇里就只有尖叫嗎? 只有尖叫 但是我們從不互相計(jì)較 明白了非常清楚 不要計(jì)較 要不然我就要計(jì)較 Marshall殺了我表弟的狗 誰(shuí)讓它吃了我的錢(qián)包呢? 為什么你的錢(qián)包里都是巧克力呢?! 是不是又要說(shuō)這檔子事啊 那天晚上我和Barney踏上 怪異的新旅程 那就是醉號(hào)列車(chē) 為什么我之前沒(méi)有 發(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)好地方呢? 聽(tīng)見(jiàn)它鼓舞人心的頌歌了嗎Ted? 我能打到炮我能打到炮 它就是小陰擎浪蕩特快 長(zhǎng)島臀路 我想到一個(gè) 托馬斯拍屁股火車(chē) Ted那可是兒童讀物 這里雖然很有意思 但是現(xiàn)在不早了我們?cè)趺囱? 別說(shuō)連體嬰 別又撐壞我一件衣服 這是醉號(hào)列車(chē)我們用不著演 只需要坐在這兒 故作深沉打量美女 到終點(diǎn)站的時(shí)候絕對(duì)能睡到一個(gè) 三分鐘之后 你脾氣真好 能整晚坐著聽(tīng)他們倆斗嘴 一句抱怨都沒(méi)有 我是個(gè)心理醫(yī)生 所以應(yīng)該要向他們收費(fèi)的 還有一些有用的藥物治療 -Lily不能用藥她懷孕了 -是給我們的 如果我們吃足五頓飯 還比賽滑雪的話 必須要來(lái)點(diǎn)藥刺激一下神經(jīng) 如果我們互相計(jì)較的話 我要欠你一整個(gè)周末了 我想要更久一點(diǎn) 什么意思? Robin你愿意嫁給我嗎? 我知道這有點(diǎn)快 但是我真的很想跟你開(kāi)始新的人生 如果你也想的話 我沒(méi)說(shuō)不我什么都沒(méi)說(shuō) 我我只是需要點(diǎn)兒時(shí)間 我完全理解你隨意 我就把它放這兒直到你準(zhǔn)備好 -我們能不能把那壞小子挪開(kāi)? -它老盯著咱不是嗎? Ted!Ted!Ted! 我給醉號(hào)車(chē)想了幾個(gè)新名字 炮車(chē)! 放浪之車(chē)! 托馬斯拍屁股火車(chē)! -我昨天說(shuō)過(guò)那個(gè)了 -你沒(méi)有 哇哦有人喝了咖啡 18杯! 今晚我絕不會(huì)再睡著了! 那個(gè)叫Quinn的女孩錯(cuò)了 她說(shuō)我不可能愛(ài)任何東西 但我愛(ài)這火車(chē)! 她說(shuō)你不會(huì)愛(ài)上任何東西?真尖銳 你不知道 別盯了不可能的 有什么辦法能讓我們重頭再來(lái)? 我已經(jīng)認(rèn)識(shí)你了 是嗎? -你一天到晚穿西裝 -顯然 你對(duì)所有事抱有愚蠢的準(zhǔn)則 我買(mǎi)單你服務(wù)那是禮貌 很多個(gè)夜晚你在脫衣舞酒吧 獨(dú)自一人內(nèi)心空虛 告訴自己你的生活是部史詩(shī) 是個(gè)經(jīng)典或是傳奇 我從沒(méi)說(shuō)過(guò)史詩(shī)或經(jīng)典 你練過(guò)黑魔法吧? 不他們?cè)趺纯梢酝浤憬械耐炼股忱赓u(mài)! 后來(lái)怎樣了?! 最后一次對(duì)不起 沒(méi)關(guān)系咱們兩清了 你不用再來(lái)醉號(hào)車(chē)了 無(wú)論如何你永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)在那兒 遇到真命天女的 -去他媽的真命天女! -什么? 我最近的每個(gè)約會(huì)都那么慘 上周我約會(huì)的女孩 最?lèi)?ài)的樂(lè)隊(duì)是Glee 另外都快情人節(jié)了 我還是獨(dú)自一人 沒(méi)有任何有女朋友的跡象 所以呢全體上車(chē)! 你是我的驕傲過(guò)來(lái) Ted今晚將會(huì)是史等等奇! 等一下不對(duì)我通常怎么說(shuō)來(lái)著? 我恨那個(gè)叫Quinn的小妞! -我提議點(diǎn)一瓶紅酒 -附議! 不是提議是建議我不和點(diǎn)子結(jié)婚 Lily就要它了 要不點(diǎn)個(gè)開(kāi)胃菜吧? 洋蔥戒指怎么樣? 我是說(shuō)鉆石戒指 我是說(shuō)鉆石圈 我是說(shuō)洋蔥圈我知道那發(fā)胖 但我聽(tīng)說(shuō)這地方的洋蔥圈很棒 Robin不是說(shuō)好不告訴他們么? 蔬菜沙拉看上去不錯(cuò) 你跟他分手挺好 要我說(shuō)Vinnie是個(gè)十足的混蛋 你敢說(shuō)Vinnie的壞話! -你是干嘛的? -我教建筑學(xué)我還... 大人物的工作你以為你比我強(qiáng)? 什么... 那么...你住哪兒? 我住西區(qū)上部 大人物住在曼哈頓 怎樣你認(rèn)為你比我強(qiáng)? 你認(rèn)為你比我好?! 這個(gè)差一點(diǎn)兒 Lily隱射了14次關(guān)于結(jié)婚的事 Marshall則是60次 -對(duì)不起Kevin -沒(méi)事兒 我睡去了明天能別再總說(shuō)結(jié)婚了? -我不說(shuō) -我不說(shuō) (也可以理解為結(jié)婚時(shí)回答我愿意) 半斤八兩 -一會(huì)兒見(jiàn) -好的 所以?你快要決定了嗎? 有些事情你們不知道 你們能保密嗎? -能 -我們中有些人能 有些事 過(guò)去幾個(gè)月我一直瞞著大家 我發(fā)現(xiàn)我不能生孩子 -聽(tīng)到這個(gè)我真難過(guò) -我也是 -你還好嗎? -真不敢相信我們不知道 不你知道我需要一點(diǎn)自己的時(shí)間 真的我沒(méi)事 -你確定? -確定 所以...盡管我愛(ài)Kevin我也... 想要答應(yīng)他但必須等我告訴他之后 但我害怕這樣我們就完了 Robin你知道嗎?如果你們命中注定會(huì)在一起 就不用害怕 告訴他就行了 謝天謝地 我們有Marshall和Lily家鑰匙 你打碎那邊窗戶之前 我肯定告訴過(guò)你 你是說(shuō)在"夜賊"打破窗子前嗎 然后偷了Lily所有的內(nèi)衣 火車(chē)上到底發(fā)生什么了? 吵得一塌糊涂 Ted我還在麻省理工上學(xué)的時(shí)候 我最喜歡的愛(ài)因斯坦格言是 "上帝不用宇宙擲骰子" -你沒(méi)上過(guò)麻省理工 -我沒(méi)有? 我竟然不知道你上的什么大學(xué) 你是誰(shuí)? 如果我們分析火車(chē)的近似隨意方程 帶入考慮標(biāo)準(zhǔn)偏差 假設(shè)最小值接近零三角接近派 我們可以得出結(jié)論... 見(jiàn)鬼Ted! 我即將得出完美的對(duì)數(shù) 即將登陸我的韻律 我會(huì)記住的 第二天一早Robin打包好所有行李 最終告訴Kevin她的秘密 我知道這很難接受... 需要多少時(shí)間都可以 -我理解... -Robin... 你愿意嫁給我嗎? 愿意 -你在干嘛? -醉號(hào)車(chē)最高時(shí)速每小時(shí)73公里 假設(shè)每節(jié)車(chē)廂有32個(gè)乳房 28個(gè)堅(jiān)挺有力然后除以... 不不不!都錯(cuò)了! 原來(lái)這么簡(jiǎn)單!就是醉號(hào)車(chē)! 我的上帝... 一直就在我們眼前 喝醉 -"喝醉" -對(duì) 當(dāng)然 Ted畫(huà)得好 這可不是我找到的第一個(gè)詞 我媽已經(jīng)挑好了結(jié)婚日期地點(diǎn)和酒店 但是還沒(méi)最終決定 我大姨要獻(xiàn)唱 好像是這樣 -你不喜歡嗎? -不實(shí)際上她聲音很優(yōu)美 不是這個(gè)問(wèn)題 我們...我們剛談的那些你能接受么 當(dāng)然Robin我愛(ài)你 而且還有很多辦法來(lái)要小孩 可以領(lǐng)養(yǎng)啊代孕啊 不Kevin不只是我不能生 我也不想要孩子 沒(méi)事 那你會(huì)收回你的求婚嗎? 你愿意嫁給我嗎? 你把我照顧的真好 謝謝你把鞋子借給我發(fā)腫的腳 啊我欠你一分 -我們不能再這么干了 -不能怎么干 一直算分 你有了寶寶我們的寶寶 所以理所應(yīng)當(dāng)你這輩子都領(lǐng)先我 親愛(ài)的謝謝你 一旦我們成了父母 我們就是一隊(duì)的了好嗎? 八個(gè)月后 該你拉!我昨天守了六個(gè)小時(shí)! 你明知道有兩個(gè)小時(shí)你都在打瞌睡! 我們來(lái)看記分牌! 我希望是一泡稀的混蛋 嗯我們是一隊(duì)的 我看上去就是一副 "我像從Ronkonkoma來(lái)的樣子嗎?" 就是這樣! 噢噢噢拿著公文包的大人物! 你覺(jué)得你就比我了不起嗎? 我們下站到了 你們跟我們一起來(lái)么? -好啊我們?nèi)グ?-不了還是算了 -不太好 -不太好?這可是醉號(hào)車(chē)啊 你把所有站都畫(huà)出來(lái) 還寫(xiě)了"水性楊花" 不對(duì)那是"荒謬之園" 怎么了你 等等那個(gè)叫Quinn的女孩跟你那啥啦? 才沒(méi)有! 那天晚上最后... 你知道的今天晚上 本來(lái)我是想來(lái)找一夜情的 但是你太特別了 我不想讓做愛(ài)毀了我們的友誼 噢噢我愿意冒這個(gè)險(xiǎn) 呵呵Ted 我最近在想要不要買(mǎi)個(gè)新的燙衣板 你覺(jué)得...? 跟你明說(shuō)了吧 你跟在你兄弟邊上一整晚 即便如此你還是沒(méi)辦法吸引我 這真是太了不起了 是啊回想起來(lái) 那也就是你決定 來(lái)我這做點(diǎn)下流事的時(shí)候吧 沒(méi)錯(cuò)起來(lái)你坐在我胸罩上了 不好意思 你家洗手間在哪 廚房過(guò)去走廊那邊就是 我怎么感覺(jué)我是在酒吧中間的沙發(fā)上 看見(jiàn)你倆光著身子的呢 噢沒(méi)錯(cuò)那是我們啪啪啪之后 到我公寓那部分了我錯(cuò)了 你想去吃點(diǎn)東西什么的嗎? 等等等等你跟她睡過(guò)了? 我知道我知道現(xiàn)在告訴你有點(diǎn)晚 我陷進(jìn)去了 -你喜歡Quinn -我... 說(shuō)以你才不停的"抱怨"她 所以你才喝的醉醺醺的來(lái)泡這些... 可愛(ài)純潔的花朵 我不管我們?nèi)ツ?但是我不喜歡在地上搞 Barney你知道我為什么 要在情人節(jié)坐醉酒列車(chē)嗎? 因?yàn)槲覜](méi)事可干 我沒(méi)有一直縈繞在心頭的人 所以你要是喜歡Quinn 去追她 因?yàn)槟悻F(xiàn)在在這浪費(fèi)時(shí)間 我們都是 我不喜歡Quinn! Kevin我愛(ài)你但是別一直 因?yàn)樯屏级约? Robin不管怎樣我都想娶你 假設(shè)你不會(huì)變成一個(gè)大胖子 瞧別老去杞人憂天 你剛剛知道了很多我瞞著你的東西 你愿意嫁給我嗎? 在孩子這個(gè)問(wèn)題上我不會(huì)變 -你愿意嫁給我嗎? -你不是一直想要孩子嗎? 那是在我愛(ài)上你之前 你過(guò)去一直說(shuō)未來(lái)孩子孩子怎么樣 你為我放棄了這么多 我覺(jué)得我欠你太多太多了 我怕你在接下來(lái)的一年十年 或者五十年 都是在無(wú)盡的后悔中醒來(lái) 所以再好好想想好嗎? 如果我們結(jié)婚了 這輩子都不會(huì)有孩子 你真的不介意嗎? 陰莖巨大綜合癥? E.P.S.別人都這么叫 所以我們舉辦募捐長(zhǎng)跑拍賣(mài) 還有三足跑 當(dāng)然只有一個(gè)人 那個(gè)我不能這么做 我就在這下車(chē) 為什么?你有女朋友了還是怎么? 可能是怎么了 孩子們有時(shí)候你們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn) 自己一直走的那條路 已經(jīng)到了終點(diǎn)站 然后問(wèn)題就是: 接下來(lái)你要去哪? 你還好么? 一年之后我們都會(huì)離開(kāi) 所有的朋友都會(huì)遠(yuǎn)去 他們?nèi)チ烁玫牡胤? 但是所有的朋友都不在了... 所以...他取消求婚了 我們結(jié)束了 而且我我... 我我知道這是最好的結(jié)局 只是... 我終于下定決心來(lái)考慮終生大事 感覺(jué)他就是那個(gè)我要攜手一生的人 但是他過(guò)不了這個(gè)坎 誰(shuí)又能呢? 我能 我愛(ài)你Robin 你老是在抱怨這個(gè)叫Barney的 我都懷疑你是不是喜歡他了 喜歡他的公寓算一個(gè) 喜歡他的三分球再算一個(gè) 但是喜歡他?噢得了吧 我只是很奇怪他竟然沒(méi)有認(rèn)出你 他幾乎是住在這了 先生們有請(qǐng)Karma (Karma也有報(bào)應(yīng)的意思) 第17集{/a}theyear2030 Kids,I'llneverforgetthefirst timeItoldyourmotherIlovedher. ItwasarainydayinNewYork. Wejusthadahorriblelunch. Themoviewewantedtoseewassoldout, andIjustlookedatherandsaid, "Iloveyou." Itwasabigdealforme. Ihadn'tsaidthattoagirlsince... Iloveyou,Robin. I'mserious. Doyourememberwhywe brokeupinthefirstplace? Weaskedeachother,"Where doyouwanttobeinfiveyears?" Andouranswerswerejusttoodifferent. Well,it'sfiveyearslater, andwherearewe? Standingontheroof whereIkissedyouforthefirsttime. Iknowthisisalottoprocess, sonopressurehere. Just...whatdoyouthink? Youknowwhat? You'reexhausted,it'slate. Let'sjustgotosleep. Well,goodnight. Whatthehellwasthat? Okay,Icanfixthis. I-Iwasjusttemporarilyinsane becauseofmyLymedisease, whichIgotonacampingtrip thatIdidn'ttellheraboutbecause... Igocampinginsecret. Perfect. OrIcouldsay,"I'msorry, we'regreatasfriends. Let'sjustforgetIeversaidanything." Yeah,that'sprobablybetter. Okay,heregoes. Igocampinginsecret. Wow,Ted,I... wow,okay.Yougotto givemeaminutehere. Yeah,ofcourse. Okay,um,weneedtot-talkaboutthis. Thistimeyesterday,Iwas inVermontengagedtoanotherman. Imean,it'sbeen 24hoursofemotionalmayhem, and,andthedayisstillnotover. Imean,IsweartoGod, ifthere'sanymoresurprises, I'mgonnahitsomeone! comrade. Thatmeans, "Hello,coworker." YoureadyforourtriptoMotherRussia? Oh,yeah,AuntRobin wasthrilledWorldWideNews askedhertogotoMoscow tocoverMaslenitsa. Shewaslessthrilledtodiscover Maslenitsaisthecity's annualbutterfestival. Evenworse,she'dspendanentire weekwithallthosebutteryRussians and herarchenemyPatrice. Uh,ourflightleaves at9:00p.m.,nota.m. God...Patrice! But,Robin, theschedulesays9:00a.m. andmyticketsays9:00a.m. andallthee-mailreminders said9:00a.m. andourboss inthecardownstairssaid... Okay,Patrice,Igetit! Oh,no! Pairofpantscominginhot! Noise-cancelingheadphones. Oh,Idon'tneed'em. It'saten-hourflight andyoursittingnexttoPatrice. Oh,God,where'smycoughsyrup? You'regonnamakeit. I'llbringyourbagdown. Wherearemyshoes? Wherearemyshoes?! Don'tworry.It'sfine. Andlook,aboutallthis... Yeah,Justgo. -Good-bye. -Bye. Whydidn'tIkissher? We'llcontinuethiswhenIgetback. Hello. Iknowit'searly,butcanyou meetmeatthebarrightnow,alone? I'monmyway. IgottomeetTedatthebar. It's7:00a.m. Man,Tedreally needstoworkonhisboundaries. Shh,guys,seriously. Whyareyouinourbed? Itookthedrunktrain andgotstuckouthere. Oh,God,Iamsohungover. Oh,God,Lily'snotwearingabra! Shh! Bye,baby. ?? Doyouthink...? Okay,Ialreadyknow Idon'twanttohearthis. Doyouthinkthatifwedidit... Yeah,Iwasright. Idon'twanttohearthis. ...andIdidareallygoodjob... Pleaseleave. ...thatIcouldturnthatintomybaby? IthinkI'mgonnathrowup. -Morningsickness? -No. It'scrazy,right? Areyoushocked? No,I'mnotshocked. You'reinlovewithRobin. DoyourememberbackatChristmas whenshewasupset, youdidn'tevenknowwhy, andyouspent eighthourssettingup Christmaslightsintheapartment justtocheerherup.