EnglishContinuationWriting讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)2021年廣州一模試題考情分析能基本讀懂故事，對(duì)原文本分析不夠具體到位。

寫(xiě)作情節(jié)偏離，邏輯混亂，銜接不恰當(dāng)，句式簡(jiǎn)單，描寫(xiě)生硬。教學(xué)目標(biāo)通過(guò)閱讀圈，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生從主題語(yǔ)境，篇章結(jié)構(gòu)，故事情節(jié)詞匯處理等多角度去深度解析文本，幫助學(xué)生理順情節(jié)發(fā)展，抓住人物核心性格，確保學(xué)生續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)符合邏輯。通過(guò)主述位推進(jìn)幫助學(xué)生搭建文章邏輯結(jié)構(gòu)，解決學(xué)生無(wú)話可寫(xiě)的問(wèn)題。通過(guò)提供語(yǔ)料，作文互批表，明確批改潤(rùn)色要求，反復(fù)練習(xí)，指導(dǎo)學(xué)生寫(xiě)出更自然合理銜接得當(dāng)?shù)淖魑?。文本分析part1Brainstorm:Whatcanwelearnfromthestory?Brainstorm:Whatcanwelearnfromthestory?

Ittookplaceinateacher’sfamily.Oneday,Benwasplayingbasketballinthelivingroomafterschool,whenheaccidentallythrewtheballatavasesittingontheshelf.Thevasedroppedtothefloorandalargepiecebrokeoff.0101Asthemotherherselfdustedthevaseeveryday,shenaturallynoticedthecracksthatevening.Tohersurprise,therepairworkwasactuallyverygood.Atdinnertime,sheaskedherboyifhebrokethevase.Fearingpunishment,thesuddenlyinspiredboysaidthataneighbor’scatjumpedinfromthewindowandhecouldn’tdriveitawaynomatterhowhardhetried.Itracedaroundthelivingroomandfinallyknockedthevaseoffitsshelf.02Hismotherwasquiteclearthathersonwaslying,forallthewindowswereclosedbeforesheleftforworkeachmorningandopenedaftershereturned.However,inthefaceofherson’snervouseyesandthesuspiciouslooksoftheotherfamilymembers,Ben’smotherremainedcalm.Sherealizedsheshouldn’tjustsimplyblameandpunishhersonforlying.Shecameupwithanotheridea.02Beforegoingtobed,theboyfoundanotefromhismotherinhisroom,askinghimtogotothestudyatonce.Theboythoughthewouldnowbepunishedbut,ashehadalreadylied,hewasdeterminedtodenyeverythingtotheend,nomatterhowangryhismumbecame.03Inthestudy,calmlybathedinthelight,hismother’sfaceshowednosignofanger.Onseeinghersonpushopenthedoorandcautiouslyenter,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.04閱讀小組長(zhǎng)DiscussionLeader組織小組討論，并針對(duì)閱讀內(nèi)容提問(wèn)。篇章大師PassagePerson講解閱讀內(nèi)容中有意思、重要或較難的段落。生活實(shí)際聯(lián)結(jié)者Connector將閱讀內(nèi)容與生活實(shí)際相聯(lián)系，分享經(jīng)驗(yàn)。單詞大師WordMaster講解閱讀內(nèi)容中的生詞、重點(diǎn)單詞及詞組。篇章概括者Summarizer用自己的話概括篇章的主要內(nèi)容。文化采集者CultureCollector尋找閱讀內(nèi)容中與自己國(guó)家文化相同或不同之處。ReadingCircles單詞大師WordMastervt.&vi拂，撣vt.撒(粉）于n.灰塵，塵土，塵埃dust單詞大師WordMasterIusedafeatherdustertodustthetable.

我用雞毛撣子把桌上的灰塵撣掉。Andyoucanalsodustatablewithaduster.

你也可以用抹布撣掉桌子。單詞大師WordMastergluedthepiecestogether

hastily

急匆匆地把碎片粘合在一起calmlybathedinthelight燈光下的她很平靜記敘文篇章大師PassagePersonInthestudy,calmlybathedinthelight,hismother’sfaceshowednosignofanger.Onseeinghersonpushopenthedoorandcautiouslyenter,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.一般過(guò)去時(shí)第三人稱(chēng)時(shí)態(tài)人稱(chēng)文體篇章大師PassagePersonInthestudy,calmlybathedinthelight,hismother’sfaceshowednosignofanger.Onseeinghersonpushopenthedoorandcautiouslyenter,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.動(dòng)作描寫(xiě):bathed,

pushopen,enter,took...outof,gave篇章大師PassagePersonInthestudy,calmlybathedinthelight,hismother’sfaceshowednosignofanger.Onseeinghersonpushopenthedoorandcautiouslyenter,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.隱含線索:

motherwilluseanotherwaytotalktoBen.篇章大師PassagePersonInthestudy,calmlybathedinthelight,hismother’sfaceshowednosignofanger.Onseeinghersonpushopenthedoorandcautiouslyenter,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.事件:

Ben聽(tīng)從媽媽的吩咐來(lái)到書(shū)房。親情，母愛(ài)，成長(zhǎng)人與社會(huì)閱讀小組長(zhǎng)（DiscussionLeader)人物分析情節(jié)發(fā)展主題語(yǔ)境主旨Rereadthestoryandfigureouttheplot.Benbrokethevasewhichwashismother’sfavoritepossession.(Ben)upsetBentoldmotherthataneighbor’scatknockedthevase.(Ben)

fearfulBen’smotheraskedBentothestudy(Ben)frightenedMomgaveBenachocolate.(Ben)

astonishedRelieved?本文情節(jié)線setting環(huán)境risingaction發(fā)展fallingaction遭遇挫折climax高潮人物時(shí)間地點(diǎn)Ben在家踢球時(shí)踢壞了珍貴的花瓶，匆忙之下黏合好了花瓶。媽媽發(fā)現(xiàn)了花瓶的裂縫，Ben告訴媽媽是鄰居家的貓打碎了花瓶。當(dāng)晚Ben發(fā)現(xiàn)媽媽讓他去書(shū)房的紙條。本文情節(jié)線fallingaction(下落情節(jié)）媽媽拿出一塊巧克力給Ben。resolution解決ending尾聲續(xù)寫(xiě)部分續(xù)寫(xiě)部分本文情感線Resolution解決Benwasupset.Benwasfrigtened,anddeterminedtodenyeverything續(xù)寫(xiě)部分續(xù)寫(xiě)部分climax高潮beginning開(kāi)頭Ending尾聲Bentheterrifiedboygluedthepiecestogetherhastilyandputthevasebacktoitsplace.ingeniousThemotherAsthemotherherselfdustedthevaseeveryday,shenaturallynoticedthecracksthatevening.Tohersurprise,therepairworkwasactuallyverygood.carefulThemotherinthefaceofherson’snervouseyesandthesuspiciouslooksoftheotherfamilymembers,shetookachocolateboxoutofadrawerandgavehimone.brilliantThemotherSherealizedsheshouldn’tjustsimplyblameandpunishhersonforlying.considerate生活實(shí)際聯(lián)結(jié)者ConnectorWhatwouldyoudowhenyoumademistakesinyourlife?篇章概括者SummarizerBen打碎了媽媽的珍貴花瓶，他告訴媽媽這是貓的原因，媽媽猜到Ben撒謊后給他一張紙條叫他來(lái)書(shū)房，然后？Benbrokemother’spreciousvase.Hetoldhismotherthecatdestroyedit.MotherknewBentoldalieandleftanotetolethimgotothestudythisnight.Then...寫(xiě)作構(gòu)架part2平行性延續(xù)性三種敘述模式2021年廣州一模試題Paragraph2Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.Paragraph1Themothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”01gotmom’schocolateanddidn’tseehismom02gavethesecondoneasareward03gavethethirdoneandfeltsorrytoplacethevaseathomeParagraph1Themothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”P(pán)lotDesignParagraph1Themothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”Bentookthechocolateafterhavingheardthesewords,butdidn’tseehismother.Themotherpulledoutanotheronetohimforrepairingthevase.Benlookedatmother’ssecondbarandhismother,andhewasnotnervousasbefore.MotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandlookedatBen,“Thelastone.Iamsosorry.Ishouldn’tputavaseatthatplace,Iforgotmyboyiscrazyaboutbasketball.”交叉敘述0102030405The

mothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”

Bentookthechocolateafterhavingheardthesewords,butdidn'tseehismother.Themotherpulledoutanotheronetohimforrepairingthevase.Benlookedatmother'ssecondbarandhismother,andhewasnotnervousasbefore.MotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandlookedatBen,“Thelastone.Iamsosorry.Ishouldn’tputavaseatthatplace,Iforgotmyboyiscrazyaboutbasketball.”交叉敘述0102030405The

mothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”

Bentookthechocolateafterhavingheardthesewords,butdidn'tseehismother.Themotherpulledoutanotheronetohimforrepairingthevase.Benlookedatmother'ssecondbarandhismother,hewasnotnervousasbefore.MotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandlookedatBen,“Thelastone.Iamsosorry.Ishouldn’tputavaseatthatplace,Iforgotmyboyiscrazyaboutbasketball.”交叉敘述0102030405The

mothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”

Bentookthechocolateafterhavingheardthesewords,butdidn'tseehismother.Themotherpulledoutanotheronetohimforrepairingthevase.Benlookedatmother'ssecondbarandhismother,hewasnotnervousasbefore.MotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandlookedatBen,“Thelastone.Iamsosorry.Ishouldn’tputavaseatthatplace,Iforgotmyboyiscrazyaboutbasketball.”2021年廣州一模試題Paragraph2Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.Paragraph1Themothersaid,“Thischocolateisarewardforyourimagination:awindow-openingcat!”01momleftthestudy02letthethreechocolatesasareminderwhenhewanttolie03neverforgetthemParagraph2Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.“But,Mum,I…”P(pán)lotDesignParagraph2Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.Benwhispered,“But,Mum,I…”Themotherstoppedhimandleftthestudy.Benputthethreechocolatebarsonthetablewherehecouldseethemeasily.Hesleptverywellthatnight.Hewillalwaysrememberthethreechocolateswhenhewantstolie.Benwillneverforgetthem！平行敘述01020304050607Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,

theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.Benwhispered,“But,Mum,I…”Themotherstoppedhimandleftthestudy.Benputthethreechocolatebarsonthetablewherehecouldseethemeasily.Hesleptverywellthatnight.Hewillalwaysrememberthethreechocolateswhenhewanttolie.Benwillneverforgetthem!平行敘述01020304050607Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,

theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.Benwhispered,“But,Mum,I…”Themotherstoppedhimandleftthestudy.Benputthethreechocolatebarsonthetablewherehecouldseethemeasily.Hesleptverywellthatnight.Hewillalwaysrememberthethreechocolateswhenhewanttolie.Benwillneverforgetthem!潤(rùn)色批改part3詞匯潤(rùn)色說(shuō)

say

以口發(fā)出聲音utter大叫

yell

建議suggest回復(fù)

reply

解釋reply低語(yǔ)whisper補(bǔ)充add同意agree承諾promise喃喃低語(yǔ)mutter一般動(dòng)詞細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)詞詞匯潤(rùn)色改變

change輕微改變alter調(diào)整

convert

緩和modify褪色

transform變白fade/whitening消失disappear發(fā)光shine

一般動(dòng)詞細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)詞詞匯潤(rùn)色放put放置lay立著放place陳列set/display定位

locate取fetch被亂扔toss用力投擲cast/fling一般動(dòng)詞細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)詞詞匯潤(rùn)色看

look(匆匆)一瞥glance偷窺peek

監(jiān)視monitor瞇眼看squint觀察observe盯著看stare凝視gaze俯瞰overlook一般動(dòng)詞細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)詞詞匯潤(rùn)色吃驚(情緒)

AstonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscoldGlancingatthechocolateswithhesitation

awkwardly

utteredattemptingtomakesomethingclear情緒狀態(tài)行為動(dòng)作詞匯潤(rùn)色害怕(情緒)

notdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s

timidlyraisedhisheadbeforehismotherone’steethchatter情緒狀態(tài)身體表征詞匯潤(rùn)色平靜(情緒)thetensiononhisfacefadedalittlebitgaveasoftkissonhisforehead情緒狀態(tài)身體表征詞匯潤(rùn)色harshscold;timidlyraisedhishead

描寫(xiě)了Ben的害怕gentlyputtingherfingeronhislips;asoftkissonhisforehead描寫(xiě)母親的溫柔缺少形容豐富形容詞匯潤(rùn)色reluctantlyreceivedskillfullyrestoreawkwardlyuttered副詞單一狀語(yǔ)多樣狀語(yǔ)詞匯潤(rùn)色Obviouslybygently副詞單一狀語(yǔ)多樣狀語(yǔ)詞匯潤(rùn)色Glancingatthechocolateswithhesitationnotdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞單一狀語(yǔ)多樣狀語(yǔ)詞匯潤(rùn)色

Astonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscold狀語(yǔ)從句單一狀語(yǔ)多樣狀語(yǔ)Paragraph1【1】Astonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscold,Benreluctantlyreceivedit,notdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s.Then,themotherpulledoutanotherchocolateandplaceditinhishandasapraiseforhisabilitytoskillfullyrestorethebrokenvase.【2】Glancingatthechocolateswithhesitation,theboytimidlyraisedhisheadbeforehismother.【3】Obviously,thetensiononhisfacefadedalittlebit.【4】“Now,”themotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandsoftlycontinued,“thelastchocolate.Iamsosorry,mylittlesweetheart.Ishouldn’thavelaidafragilevaseataninappropriateplace,especiallywhenthereisaboysoabsorbedinsports.”細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作reluctantlyreceived/fixhiseyeson兩個(gè)關(guān)于接收和看的細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)。身體表征astonished/reluctantlyreceived/notdaringtofixhiseyeson描寫(xiě)出Ben的驚訝和遲疑情緒。多樣狀語(yǔ)形容詞：harsh副詞：reluctantlyParagraph1Astonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscold,Benreluctantlyreceivedit,notdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s.01細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作glancingat,raised兩個(gè)看的不同方式描寫(xiě)。身體表征glancingat,timidlyraisedhishead描寫(xiě)出Ben的小心翼翼。多樣狀語(yǔ)非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞：glancingatGlancingatthechocolateswithhesitation,theboytimidlyraisedhisheadbeforehismother.02Paragraph1細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作faded臉色變化的細(xì)節(jié)描述。身體表征obviously/

tension/

faded三個(gè)詞描寫(xiě)出Ben的緊張擔(dān)憂(yōu)。多樣狀語(yǔ)副詞：obviouslyObviously,thetensiononhisfacefadedalittlebit.03Paragraph1多樣狀語(yǔ)副詞：

softly動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)：

pickedout“Now,”themotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandsoftlycontinued,04Paragraph1Paragraph2Nowwithsomechocolatesinhand,theboy’sbadattitudedisappeared.“But,Mum,I…”【1】Benawkwardlyuttered,attemptingtomakesomethingclear.【2】Hismothersilencedhimbygentlyputtingherfingeronhislips,gaveasoftkissonhisforeheadandwalkedoutofthestudy.【3】Backintohisroom,Benplacedthethreechocolateswherehecouldseethemeasily.【4】Thatnight,Bensleptthesoundestsleep.【5】Fromthenon,thethreechocolatesrangthealarminhishearteverytimeheintendedtolie,remindinghimtobehonest.Maybepraiseisamuchbetteralternativetopunishmentwhenitinvolvesarebelliousteenageboy.Whatawiseteacherandmother!細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作uttered

/attempting兩個(gè)與說(shuō)相關(guān)的具體動(dòng)作。身體表征awkwardlyuttered

/

attemptingtomakesomethingclear描寫(xiě)出Ben緊張尷尬的情緒。多樣狀語(yǔ)副詞/非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞：awkwardly

狀語(yǔ)從句：attemptingtomakesomethingclearParagraph2Benawkwardlyuttered,attemptingtomakesomethingclear.01細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作silenced/puttingherfingeronhislips兩個(gè)顯示媽媽做法溫柔的具體動(dòng)作。身體表征putting...on

/

gaveasoftkisson/walkedoutofthestudy描寫(xiě)出媽媽的穩(wěn)定的情緒。多樣狀語(yǔ)介詞短語(yǔ)：bygentlyputtingherfingeronhislipsHismothersilencedhimbygentlyputtingherfingeronhislips,gaveasoftkissonhisforeheadandwalkedoutofthestudy.02Paragraph2細(xì)節(jié)動(dòng)作placedBen慎重對(duì)待巧克力的具體動(dòng)作。身體表征placedthethreechocolates描寫(xiě)出男孩恢復(fù)平靜的情緒。多樣狀語(yǔ)介詞狀語(yǔ)：backintohisroom，狀語(yǔ)從句：wherehecouldseethemeasilyParagraph2Backintohisroom,Benplacedthethreechocolateswherehecouldseethemeasily.03Thatnight,Bensleptthesoundestsleep.”04Paragraph1多樣狀語(yǔ)時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)：thatnight身體表征形容詞：soundest描寫(xiě)出男孩在安心之后終于能睡得很沉很香。多樣狀語(yǔ)介詞短語(yǔ)：fromthenon非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞：remindinghimtobehonest狀語(yǔ)從句：everytimeheintendedtolieParagraph2Fromthenon,thethreechocolatesrangthealarminhishearteverytimeheintendedtolie,remindinghimtobehonest.05Paragraph1【1】Astonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscold,Benreluctantlyreceivedit,notdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s.Then,themotherpulledoutanotherchocolateandplaceditinhishandasapraiseforhisabilitytoskillfullyrestorethebrokenvase.【2】Glancingatthechocolateswithhesitation,theboytimidlyraisedhisheadbeforehismother.【3】Obviously,thetensiononhisfacefadedalittlebit.【4】“Now,”themotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandsoftlycontinued,“thelastchocolate.Iamsosorry,mylittlesweetheart.Ishouldn’thavelaidafragilevaseataninappropriateplace,especiallywhenthereisaboysoabsorbedinsports.”Astonishedashewasatherrewardinsteadofharshscold,Benreluctantlyreceivedit,notdaringtofixhiseyesonhismother’s.Glancingatthechocolateswithhesitation,theboytimidlyraisedhisheadbeforehismother.0102復(fù)雜句讓步狀語(yǔ)從句Paragraph1簡(jiǎn)單句非謂語(yǔ)作狀語(yǔ)Obviously,thetensiononhisfacefadedalittlebit.

themotherpickedoutathirdchocolateandsoftlycontinued.0304簡(jiǎn)單句簡(jiǎn)單句Paragraph1Paragraph2Nowwithsomechocola