杭一

續(xù)寫~Fish一篇在考場上很容易讓學(xué)生產(chǎn)生“文本情節(jié)不復(fù)雜，寫作部分情節(jié)也清晰,但自己似乎難以讓自己的文章脫穎而出”的續(xù)寫一材多用一些在其他寫作板塊出現(xiàn)過的話題,在大作文中也會出現(xiàn)多層人物線變化這篇續(xù)寫至少出現(xiàn)了2-3條人物線的變化:對畫畫不感興趣的學(xué)生態(tài)度變化、女老師的態(tài)度變化、充滿想象力學(xué)生的變化。23年1月那次四省聯(lián)考續(xù)寫開頭的文本升華:“MyhusbandandIenjoyseeinglifethroughtheeyesofourchildren,It'samazingtowatchastheydiscovertheirworld.”TaskOneCharacters：Whereisthisstoryhappen？Whoisthemaincharacterandthesupports？What’sthereactionsofthem？What’stheproblemofthem？Attheendofthestory，iftheyattitudewouldchange？A.人物分析1.這篇續(xù)寫出現(xiàn)的人物(名)很多，哪些是主角，各有什么樣的性格?非主要人物，需要在寫作中提到嗎?2.在第一次的課堂中，學(xué)生對于Mary老師授課的內(nèi)容，有什么樣的反應(yīng)?給她帶來了什么反思?3.在文本部分中，Mary老師給自己提出了幾個問題?如何在寫作部分中逐一解答?4.文章最后主要人物對于“畫畫課”與“想象力”的看法是否會改變?B.事件盤點(diǎn)5.在文本中，Mary老師給孩子們布置的“新任務(wù)”具有什么樣的特點(diǎn)?導(dǎo)向了寫作部分的哪些情節(jié)?6.畫的主題是什么?根據(jù)文本已有的人物性格，思考孩子們畫畫時候的狀態(tài)以及可能畫的內(nèi)容。以及這個artwork的創(chuàng)作，是否真的norules嗎?C.謀篇布局7.畫的內(nèi)容描述是否要出現(xiàn)?如果要出現(xiàn)，出現(xiàn)在第幾段以及占文章比重應(yīng)該是多少?8.結(jié)合前文和第一段分析，第二段的寫作重點(diǎn)是偏描寫還是偏體會?9.結(jié)合文本分析，這篇續(xù)寫的主旨落腳點(diǎn)在哪里?以及，一定要升華嗎?Marywastheartteacherforprimaryschoolstudents.Onthisparticularday,shewasguidingthemthroughtheprocessofdrawingasceniclandscape.Akilayawned(哈欠),clearlydisinterested-drawingwasn'therthing.AsmallgroupofstudentsgatheredaroundTina,laughingatherunusualdrawing:asunsportingsunglassesandtreestoppedwithicecreamcones.Para1語言要點(diǎn)1：“benotone's名詞”的表達(dá)來形成短句，從而讓冗長的續(xù)寫有短促性暫停的效果例句，來自于24年浙江高考閱卷組最高分續(xù)寫:Iapologizedformyimprudentactoftakingnocashwithme,Takingthingsforgrantedwasnotmystyle.Butthesimplybrusheditaside.1.notmytype:Thisrestauranthasgreatreviews,butthecuisineisnotmytypeoffood.2.notmycupoftea:Playingchessisnotmycupoftea;Iprefermoreactivegames.3.notmyscene:Theravepartywasnotmyscene,soIleftearly.4.notinmyc:Fixingcarsisnotinmywheelhouse,butIcandobasicmaintenance.5.notmybag:Horrormoviesarenotmybag,Igettooscared.6.notmyspeed:Fastcarsarenotmyspeed;Iprefersomethingmorereliableandsafe.7.notmyflavor:Spicyfoodisnotmyflavor,Iprefermilderdishes.8.notmygo-to:Sushiisnotmygo-towhenI'mfeelingsick,Iprefersoupandcrackers.9.notmydealbreaker:Notbeingabletocookisnotmydealbreaker,aslongastheycandootherchores.10.notmyvibe:Thewholehipstervibeisnotmyvibe,Ipreferamoreclassicstyle.11.notmydeal:Workingovertimeisnotmydeal,Ivaluework-lifebalance.語言要點(diǎn)2：“熟詞生義”-sport&toptop在這里指代把(某物)放在…的上面，用法為topsth(withsth)fruitsaladtoppedwithcream上面澆了奶油的水果色拉sport的動詞用法“攜帶、佩戴”，可以替換wearingasmile的“wear”ShewassportingaT-shirtwiththecompany'slogoonit.協(xié)同點(diǎn)1：guidingthemthroughtheprocessofdrawingasceniclandscape.Therealizationsuddenlystruckherthatguidingtheselovelychildrenincapturingapicturesquelandscapewas,infact,ajourneyoflearningtotenderlyobservetheworldthroughtheeyesoftheyoung.Itwasaprofoundjoytowitnessherowndiscoveryofthesekids’uniqueperspectives.協(xié)同點(diǎn)2：孩子的轉(zhuǎn)變

從guiding到

自己的想象力Occasionally,teachingtheartwasn'tallaboutguidingchildrenonhowtocreateapainting;thetrueartofteachingwasinallowingthemthefreedomtoexplore,tolettheirbrushstrokesdancewiththewhispersoftheirimagination.協(xié)同點(diǎn)3：yawn&clearlydisinterested-drawingMoreandmorechildrenjumpedintothedreamworld.“Yawn-”TherewasAkila,yawninglikeshewasinanotheruniverse.協(xié)同點(diǎn)4：

AsmallgroupofstudentsgatheredaroundTina,laughingatherunusualdrawingOncemore,acrowdofchildrenclusteredaroundTina,butthistime.theirlaughterwasreplacedwithsheeradmirationastheymarveledatthecreativityofherbrushstrokesMaryinstructedTinafirmlybutwithunease,“DrawitthewayIshowedyou."Asthelessoncontinued,doubtcreptintoMary'smind.Hadthejoyofcreativitybeenovershadowedbythepressuretofitin?Shescannedtheroom,observingherstudents'faces-someconcentrated,othersuncertain.Akila'sdisinterestwasclear,andTina’simaginativedrawinghadbeenmetwithridiculeinsteadofpraise.Para2協(xié)同點(diǎn)5：doubtcreptintoMary'smind當(dāng)續(xù)寫中，主要人物產(chǎn)生“自我疑問”的時候，請大家一定要在寫作部分中回應(yīng)這些人物的疑問隨著越來越多的孩子加入到Mary提議的project，她心情上的變化。Asthenumberof'studentsengaginginthe“'project"withtheirbrushesgrew,atideofprideandhappinesssilentlycreptintoMary'smind.例如--【23年新課標(biāo)卷】Whatdidthehorsethink,ashespedthroughthenight?Didhegettired?Havedoubts?Didhewanttoquit?Isympathizedimmediately.Igottired.Ihaddoubts.Iwantedtoquit.But,likeRevereshorse,Ikeptgoing.lworkedhard.Icheckedmyspelling,Iaskedmyoldersistertocorrectmygrammar:IcheckedoutahalfdozenbooksonPaulReverefromthelibrary.Ievenreadafewofthem.一個來自巴西的孩子在老師的鼓勵下參加英語寫作的故事。她在創(chuàng)作的過程中,有過迷茫，有與筆下的馬共情。浙江閱卷組最高分范文的句子:TearsmingledwithbothpleasureandthankfulnessstreameddownasIfeltlikePaulRevere'shorseoncemoreIhadgottired!Ihadhaddoubts!Ihadwantedtoquit!ButImustkeepgoingandworkhard,becausemyfuturewasthere,waitingforme.Hadthejoyofcreativitybeenovershadowedbythepressuretofitin?Maryfoundthathermethodofteachingscenicpaintinghadindeedcastashadowoverthechildren'screativejoy,nearlydiminishingtheirimaginativeworld.協(xié)同點(diǎn)6：DrawitthewayIshowedyou.“Drawwhateveryourheartdesires,sweetheart.’協(xié)同點(diǎn)7：Shescannedtheroom,observingherstudents

faces-someconcentrated,othersuncertain,Again,shescannedtheroom,observingherstudents'faces.Thistime,allofthemconcentrated,pickingtheirbrushforthe“project”.協(xié)同點(diǎn)8：Tina’simaginativedrawinghadbeenmetwithridiculeinsteadofpraise.Thistime,forTina'swork,everyoneacknowledgedherwiththepraisethatwasoriginallyherdue.Afterclass,MarysatdownwithTina,hertonesoftening.“Whydidyoudrawthesunwithsunglassesandthetreeswithicecreams?"sheaskedgently.Tina'seyessparkledwithatouchofrebellion(叛逆).“Iloveicecream,andIthoughtthesunwouldlookcoolwithsunglasses.Whydowealwayshavetodrawlikeeveryoneelse?’Para3-4協(xié)同點(diǎn)9：Whydidyoudrawthesunwithsunglassesandthetreeswithicecreams?"協(xié)同她的變化，之前遇到反叛的學(xué)生，她會規(guī)訓(xùn)對方按照自己的要求做Insteadofinstructingtheboytosketchaccordingtoherowndesires,Marygentlyloweredherselfbesidethechildandinquiredwithasoftenedvoice,“Whatinspiredyoutocaptureyourdreamworldwithsuchauniquebrushstroke?協(xié)同點(diǎn)10：

Iloveicecream,andIthoughtthesunwouldlookcoolwithsunglasses.Whydowealwayshavetodrawlikeeveryoneelse?’寫作部分回扣Tina對于畫作的理解，寫她的叛逆為她打開了一個創(chuàng)造藝術(shù)的世界?！癏aveafondnessforsweetfood,includingicecreamandthelike.Consequently,I'dlovetoadornmydreamworldwithanabundanceofcandies.That'ssocool!”Marypaused,herthoughtsracing.Tina'sdrawingsweren’tjustcurious-theywereawindowintoaworldwhereimaginationruled,whererulescouldbebentintodelightfulchaos.Wasshe,byenforcingarigidstyle.killingthatverycreativity?Para5create1.creator:名詞，創(chuàng)造者，指進(jìn)行創(chuàng)造的人或事物Thecreatorofthisgameisknownforhisinnovativeideas.2.creation:名詞，創(chuàng)造物，指被創(chuàng)造出來的東西Thecreationofthesculpturetookhimseveralmonths.3.creative:形容詞，有創(chuàng)造力的，指具有創(chuàng)造能力或想象力的Sheisacreativeartistwithauniquestyle.4.creativity:名詞，創(chuàng)造力、創(chuàng)造性，指創(chuàng)造新事物的能力或過程Creativityisessentialinsolvingcomplexproblems.5.Recreate:動詞，重新創(chuàng)造，指再次創(chuàng)造或以新的形式創(chuàng)造Thechefre-createdthetraditionaldishwithamoderntwist.6.Procreate:動詞，生育，指生物繁殖后代Manyanimalsprocreateinthespring.7.Co-create:動詞，共同創(chuàng)造，指與他人合作創(chuàng)造。Thetwocompaniesco-createdanewproductline.協(xié)同點(diǎn)11：drawingsweren’tjustcurious-theywereawindowintoaworldwhereimaginationruled,whererulescouldbebentintodelightfulchaos.稀奇古怪的升華句:Throughtheircollaborativeefforts,theymeticulouslyconstructedaworldbrimmingwithimagination,wherethechildrenthemselvesshapedtherules.Undoubtedly,theunstructuredandinformalapproachmanagedtofosteranabundanceofcreativityamongtheseyoungsouls.ThankstoMary,theircreativityremainedunkilledintheend.Thenextmorning,Marywalkedintotheclassroomwitharenewedsenseofpurpose.Sheplacedalargesheetofpaperinfrontoftheclassandannouncedanewproject:theywouldcreateacollective(集體的)artworktitled“OurDreamWorld"withnorules.Theywerefreetousecolors,shapes,andpatternshowevertheywished.Para6Atfirst,thestudentshesitated,unsureofthisnewfoundfreedom.Akilaleanedback,skepticalofwhatseemedlikeanotherpointlessexercise,ButTina,hercreativitynolongerrestricted,eagerlygrabbedhercrayonsandbegantodrawwithabandon.Then,Mayajoinedin.AndthenMichael..Para7盡情地協(xié)同點(diǎn)12：pointlessTheirboundlessimaginationandcreativityhavedemonstratedthateveryeffortMaryinvestedinteachingthesechildrenwasindeedfullofpoints,atestamenttoherprivilegeofwitnessingaworldbrimmingwithdreams.Paragraph1:Asthestudentsworked,Maryobservedthemwithcuriosity.Paragraph1:Asthestudentsworked,Maryobservedthemwithcuriosity.Paragraph2:Marystoodbackandsurveyedthecreation，Paragraph1:Asthestudentsworked,Maryobservedthemwithcuriosity.點(diǎn)-面

結(jié)合先映入Mary老師眼簾的是誰第一段結(jié)尾寫一些關(guān)于孩子們完成畫作，讓畫作自然擺放在教室前面Mary懷揣好奇來觀察孩子們先看到Tina的表現(xiàn)（

）（

）FirsttocaptureherattentionwasTina,agirlbrimmingwithrebellion,imagination,andcreativity,whosehandsdeftlydancingacrossthecanvas.Gracefully,shewasbringingtolifeherdreamworld,awhimsicallandscapewheretreesweretoppedwithice-creams.Sheconfessedherloveforice-cream,assertingthatheridealworldsimplywouldn'tbecompletewithoutit.先映入Mary老師眼簾的是誰第一段結(jié)尾寫一些關(guān)于孩子們完成畫作，讓畫作自然擺放在教室前面WithAkila'sfinalbrushstrokegracingtheexpansivepaper,theartworkwasbroughttofruition,nowrestingsilentlyinfrontoftheclassroom.Paragraph2:Marystoodbackandsurveyedthecreation.Shecouldn'tholdbackandburstoutlaughing!Thiswasanabsolutemasterpiece,farbeyondanythingshecouldhaveeverimagined!概括一些孩子們創(chuàng)作的“dreamworld”對事件的總結(jié)+主旨升華Mary老師如何和孩子們分享自己對于大家創(chuàng)作的看法，也可以寫孩子們邀請Mary老師加入到這幅畫作的“最后一筆”來。主旨升華的落腳點(diǎn)在“creativity”和“norules”上Suddenly,Akilahraisedherhand,“TeacherMary,youhaven'tjoinedourdreamlandyet!"Thekidsallrushedoverandpassedtheircrayons.Marypickedone.Withatwinkleinhereye,shebeganto

paint.“Mydreamworld,”shesaid,“needsmanymanytreestoppedwithice-creamcones!”Paragraph2Mary站在后面端詳孩子們的畫作Mary老師和孩子們分享自己對于大家創(chuàng)作的看法/孩子們邀請Mary老師加入到這幅畫作的“最后一筆’對畫作贊不絕口（

）（

）嘗試結(jié)合確定好的兩個位置，思考括號部分可以可以串聯(lián)情節(jié)Paragraph1:Asthestudentsworked,Maryobservedthemwithcuriosity.ShenoticedhowAkila,initiallydisinterested,hadquietlychosenvibrantcolorsandwasnowblendingthemtogethertocreateaswirlingskyfilledwithfantasticalcreaturesthatflewoverastonecastle.Meanwhile,Tinawasenthusiasticallyaddingplayfuldetailstohersectionofthepaper-awhimsicalgardenwhereflowersworehatsandcreaturesrestedontheicecream-toppedtrees.Maryfeltawaveofreliefwashoverher.Theroomwasalivewithchatterandlaughter,asAkilaandTinafrequentlyexchangedideasandinspiredoneanother.AkilaevenleanedovertoadmireTina'sicecreamtreesandsaid,"Thatismind-blowing!"Itwaswonderfultoseethemcooperate,theirinitialdifferencesmeltingawayinthewarmthofsharedcreativity.Paragraph2:Marystoodbackandsurveyedthecreation,Theenormouscanvashadtransformedintoamagnificentportrayalofeachstudent'simagination,formingabreathtakinglandscapethatreflectedtheirindividualityyetspoketotheircollectivespirit.Maryfeltasenseofprideswellwithinher,sherealizedthatinlettinggoofrigidstructures,herstudentsgavetheirpaintinganunrealisticbutdream-likequality,Akila,Tina,andtherestoftheclasshadnotonlyembracedtheirowncreativepathsbuthadalsonurturedeachother'sideas.Theywerethrilled,"Itwasthebestpaintingever!Weshoulddefinitelyhangitonthewall!"Inspiredbythemoment,Marydecidedtohostanexhibitionoftheirdreamworld,invitingparentsandotherclassestoadmirethebeautyofimaginationunleashedinherclassroom.ParagraphI:Asthestudentsworked,Maryobservedthemwithcuriosity.Tina,thesuperartist,wassoengrossedthatshedidn'tevennoticethechaosoutsideher“ice-creamcastle”.Mayasprawledoutonthefloorlikealittleexploreri