2024年10月8日新八校協(xié)作體試卷讀后續(xù)寫大作文試題高分作文展示讀后續(xù)寫原文：Takehitowasamiddle-schoolstudentwhohadalwaysbeenpassionateaboutbreakdance.However,hisschoollifewasnotallsmoothsailing.Hisclassmatesoftenmadefunofhisloveforbreakdance,sayingitwasawasteoftimeandnota"real"talent.Despitetheteasing,Takehitocouldn'tletgoofhisdream.Oneday,theschoolannouncedatalentshow.Takehito'sheartleapedatthenews.Hereallywantedtoparticipateandshoweveryonewhathecoulddo.Butthethoughtofhisclassmates'mockeriesmadehimhesitate.Hewasafraidthathewouldbecomethelaughingstockofthewholeschoolifhefailed.Aftermuchcontemplation,Takehitodecidedtotakethefirststep.HewenttoseeMrs.Klein,theschool'sdanceteacher.Mrs.Kleinwasknownforherkindheartandexcellentteachingskills.WhenTakehitotoldherabouthisdreamandhisworries,Mrs.Kleinsmiledwarmly."Takehito,"shesaid,"breakdanceisabeautifulartform,andyouhavethepotentialtobegreat.Don'tletothers'wordsstopyou.Ibelieveinyou."WithMrs.Klein'sencouragement,Takehitofeltanewsurgeofconfidence.Buthestillneededtogethismother'sapproval.Thatevening,hesatatthedinnertablewithhismother,hisheartpounding.Hetookadeepbreathandpreparedtotellherabouthisplantoparticipateinthetalentshow.Paragraph1:Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother.

Paragraph2:Thethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.

優(yōu)秀續(xù)寫內(nèi)容展示第一篇Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother.Hardlyhad

ITakehitolooked

Takehitolooked

athismotherwhenhismotherstoppedtoeat.Confusedandcurious,hismotheraskedTakehito.Takehitotold

thisthingsto

thesethingsto

hismother

atall（刪除）.Hismother

trappedintodeeplythought

wastrappedindeepthought

andsaid,"That'sgoodnewsbutyou

neededlearn

needtolearn

breakdance.IthoughtyoushouldtellMrs.Kleintoaskforhelp."Takehitofollowedhismother’swords.Mrs.

klein

Klein

said,"Don'tworry.Icould

can

teachyou.Wecandoit!"Takehito

speraded

spared

noeffortstopracticebreakdanceduringthethree

motnths

months.Takehitohad

agreatprogress

madegreatprogress

everyday.TakehitoandMrs.

klein

Klein

firmly

convinced

wereconvinced

thatit

willbea

wouldbean

astonishingshow.Thethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.AmixedfeelingofexcitementandworryoverwhelmedTakehito,

waitingtheline

waitinginline,hispalmssweatingandthroat

gottighted

gettingtight.Mrs.Kleinpatted

on（刪除）hisshouldersandsaid,"Don'tworry.Youjustshowyourself."Mrs.Klein’swords

likedawn,lighting

werelikedawn,lightingup

Takehito’sworld.Takehitotookadeepbreathand

relieved

calmed

himself.Finally,hisshow

obtained

received

thousandrousapplusesand

cheerfs

cheers.Takehitomademanyfriendsafter

shows

theshow.Takehitorealizedthateveryoneshouldshow

yourself

themselves

thatcanhelpustoobtainconfidenceandfriendship.Today’sexperience

hlwas（刪除）likeaneverlastingflowers,blossominginthememoriesofmymemories（表述啰嗦，可改為memories）,warmingtherestofmylife.第二篇Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother."Mom,whatdoyouthinkofit?WillIfail?"

Pattinghisshoulderslightly,adeterminedlookappear-edonhismother'sface.

Hismotherpattedhisshoulderslightly,andadeterminedlookappearedonherface.

"Well,Ibelieveyou.Thenextstepyouneedtodonow（表述啰嗦，可改為youneedtotakenow）istomakefullpreparation."Thesecondday,Takehitowalkedtotheplacewherehe

talkedwith

hadtalkedwith

Mrs.Kleinagain,

writingtheconnectionwayontheposterandcallingitimmediately

wrotedownthecontactinformationontheposterandcalledimmediately."Iwanttoapplyforyourcourseofbreakdance.HowcanImakeit?""Comingtoourclub,afterashortregistrationandyoucanstartit."（此句表述有誤，可改為Cometoourclub.Afterashortregistration,youcanstart.）Twohourslater,Takehito

havesignupforit

signedupforit

successfully.Thoughthetrainingprocesswasextremelytoughand

exhausted

exhausting,hestill

sticktoit

stucktoit.Thethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.

Nervousbutexcited,hewalkedtowardsthestage.

Nervousyetexcited,hewalkedontothestage.

Toeveryone’sastonishment,each

movements

movement

weresoperfectandthepowerofdanceflewout

hisbodyfreelyasifmagic

fromhisbodyfreelyasifbymagic.Hisbodywavedastherhythmchanged.What

an

awesomeperformance!Asthemusicstopped,theaudienceburstintothunderousapplauseandsomeoneeven

standed

stood

uptocheer

it（刪除）.Afterthetalentshow,someclassmateswhomadefunofhimbefore

cametoapologizetohimandexpressthattheywerewillingtomakefriendswithhim

cametoapologizeandexpressedtheirwillingnesstomakefriendswithhim.Mrs.KleingaveTakehitoahug,

saidwithsmile

sayingwithasmile,"Youdidagreatjob.Youknow,Godwillhelpthosewhohelpthemselves."第三篇Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother.Hisheartpoundedwith

excit@ment

excitement.Hetoldhismotherthegoodnewsinan

exhilarated

exhilarating

voice.Butonthinkingof

hemaybemadefunofhisclassmates

hemightbemadefunofbyhisclassmates,hefeltlikesittingonpinsandneedles.Whenhereflectedon

reallyparticipatedthetalentshow

reallyparticipatinginthetalentshow,Hismotherinterruptedhim."Don'tbeshy.It’shightimethatyoushouldshowyourself!"Hismothersaidinasoftvoice.Throughintenseeffort,heannouncedthathewouldengageinthetalentshow.Abrightsmilespreadacrosshisface.Hefeltasiftherewerehundredsof

butter-fulies

butterflies

dancinginhisheart.Thethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.Astime

pro-gressed

progressed,itwastimeforhimto

showcase

showcasehistalent.Mrs.

klein

Klein

stimulated

encouraged

himtodohisbest.Withthemelodyemerging,hebeganto

dancing

dance.Attheendofbreakdance,

heads

beads

ofperspirationstoodoutonhisforehead.Theaudience’seyesbecameaswideas

sea

thesea,andtheirthroat

shivered

quivered.Awaveofthunderous

eruptedfromtheaudience

applauseeruptedfromtheaudience.He

gotitsuccessfully

succeeded,hiseyesbrimmedwithtears.What

delightedhimmostwasthathemadefriendssmoothly

delightedhimmostwasthathemadefriendseasily."Wordscan’tconveyhowdelightedIwas!"Hesaid.Theunforgettableexperience

carvedintohisheart,nothingwouldbeabletoeraseit

wascarvedintohisheart;nothingwouldbeabletoeraseit.第四篇Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother.

Havingrecallingtheapproachi-ngtalentshow,adeepwaveofnervousnesssweptoverTakehito.

Recallingtheapproachingtalentshow,Takehitowasoverwhelmedbyadeepwaveofnervousness.

ButitwasatthatmomentthatMrs.Klein’swordsemergedinhismind."Iwanttolearnbreakdance."Takehitodeclaredwitha

low

soft

voice.HavingheardwhatTakehitosaid,hismothergavehima

sig’thumbs-upsignal

thumbs-upgesture

and

signupfor

signedhimupfor

breakdanceimmediately.

Duringthreemonths

Overthethreemonths,Takehito

musterupthecouragetodobreakdance

musteredupthecouragetolearnbreakdance.Healways

practisedbreakdanceinhisroomafterschool

practicedbreakdancinginhisroomafterschool.Withtimerollingby,Takehito’sbreakdancegradually

gotbetter

improved.Thedaybefore

talentshow

thetalentshow,Takehitodidbreakdance

perfectlyinhisroom

perfectlyathome.Then,Takehitosmiledwidely.Thethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.Takehito

wentschoolnervouslyandlookedforwardtoperformedperfect

wenttoschoolnervouslyandlookedforwardtoperformingperfectly.Itdidn’ttakelongtime,all

student’shadperformed

studentshadperformed

andobtainedaroundofapplause.ThenextonewasTakehito.Mrs.Kleingavehimahugehugandencouragedhimtoperform.Takehitoputawayhisfright,tookadeepbreathand

madeforthefrontdoor

headedforthestage.Whatseemedalongtime,Takehito’sperformancecametoanend.

Unexpectly

Unexpectedly,hisperformancewonmuchmoreapplauseandallpeoplegavehimathumbs-upsignal.Afterthat,Takehitomadesomegoodfriends.Notuntilthendidherealizethatweshould

performourselvesproudlywhichcanmakediffe-rence

performproudly,whichcanmakeadifference.第五篇Thatevening,Takehitosatatthedinnertablewithhismother.Thesenseofhesitation

deprived

deprived

himofhisabilitytoutterasingleword.However,thinkingback

oftheflexiblemovementofthedancerandtheamazedsightfromMr.Klein

totheflexiblemovementsofthedancerandtheamazingscenewithMrs.Klein,hemuttered,"mom,I'mitchingtolearnbreakdance."HearingwhatTakehitosaid,hismom’seyesfilledwith

amozement

amazement."Forschooltalentshow,"hecontinued.She

admittedwithoutanyhesitation

agreedwithoutanyhesitation.Atthebeginningofpractice,thechallengingmovement

declinedTakehito’scourage

diminishedTakehito’scourage.However,hismomalwaysstood

for

by

himandencouragedhim.Thepowernamedlove

instilledintohisde-terminedheart

wasinstilledintohisdeterminedheart.Dayandnightwitnessedhisconstanteffortsforperformance,thestreamingwetandcountlessinjurieswerethesymbolofhisThethreemonthsslippedbyinaflash,andthedayofthetalentshowwasfinallyhere.Beforehis

talentshow

performance,Mrs.

klein

Klein

gavehima

believedglimpse

confidentglance,offeringhimconsiderablestrength.

withhismom’scompanion

Withhismom'scompany,hisbreakdanceskillwasperfect.Thistime,hewantedtoshowhimselfand

lefthimselfrecognisedbyotherstud-ents

lethimselfberecognizedbyotherstudents.Herecametheshow,he

performancedsmoothly

performedsmoothly,theamazingbuthigh-difficultymovementattractedeverystudent’sattention.

Matthingbrilliantlywiththemusic

Matchingbrilliantlywiththemusic,heenjoyedtheperformanceandultimatelyendedupwithasuccesspose.

Thousandrousapplausebrokeoutinclassroom

Thunderousapplausebrokeoutintheclassroom,studentcouldn'tcontaintheirexcitementandadmirationtopraisehimandtalkwithhim.Heflushed,insteadof

keepsilent

keepingsilent,hestartedtoembarkonnewlife.分析總結(jié)第一篇續(xù)寫分析情節(jié)：Takehito向母親講述情況后，母親建議他學(xué)霹靂舞并找Mrs.Klein幫忙。隨后Mrs.Klein答應(yīng)教學(xué)，Takehito努力練習(xí)，技藝進(jìn)步。表演當(dāng)天，他緊張但在鼓勵(lì)下完成表演，收獲掌聲，還結(jié)交了朋友，最后感悟到展示自我對獲得自信和友誼的重要性。人物：Takehito從最初的猶豫，在他人幫助下變得勇敢自信；母親起到引導(dǎo)和支持的作用；Mrs.Klein是熱心的教導(dǎo)者。語言：存在較多語法錯(cuò)誤，如“trappedintodeeplythought”“neededlearn”“agreatprogress”等；用詞不當(dāng)，像“speraded”“thousandrous”“cheerfs”等；部分表達(dá)不符合英語習(xí)慣，語句連貫性受影響?？偨Y(jié)：圍繞Takehito參加才藝秀展開，講述他從尋求幫助、刻苦訓(xùn)練到成功表演并有所感悟的過程，突出外界支持和自我展示的意義。評價(jià)優(yōu)點(diǎn)：情節(jié)完整，邏輯較為清晰，基本涵蓋了準(zhǔn)備、訓(xùn)練和表演等關(guān)鍵環(huán)節(jié)，主題明確，體現(xiàn)了積極向上的態(tài)度。不足：語言錯(cuò)誤多，嚴(yán)重影響表達(dá)的準(zhǔn)確性和流暢性，缺乏細(xì)節(jié)描寫和生動的語言來增強(qiáng)故事感染力，人物塑造不夠深入。第二篇續(xù)寫分析情節(jié)：Takehito詢問母親意見后，母親鼓勵(lì)他做準(zhǔn)備。他聯(lián)系Mrs.Klein報(bào)名課程，訓(xùn)練雖艱苦但堅(jiān)持下來。表演時(shí)動作完美，驚艷眾人，演出后曾嘲笑他的同學(xué)道歉并表示想交友，Mrs.Klein也給予肯定。人物：Takehito為追求夢想努力堅(jiān)持，母親給予有力支持，Mrs.Klein提供專業(yè)幫助，同學(xué)態(tài)度從嘲笑轉(zhuǎn)為認(rèn)可。語言：有語法錯(cuò)誤，如“adeterminedlookappear-ed”“eachmovements”“standed”等；部分表述較生硬、不地道，比如“writingtheconnectionwayontheposterandcallingitimmediately”。總結(jié)：展現(xiàn)Takehito為才藝秀積極準(zhǔn)備，克服困難成功表演，改變同學(xué)看法并收獲友誼，體現(xiàn)夢想的力量和堅(jiān)持的價(jià)值。評價(jià)優(yōu)點(diǎn)：情節(jié)豐富，有訓(xùn)練的艱辛、表演的精彩以及同學(xué)態(tài)度轉(zhuǎn)變等內(nèi)容，故事性較強(qiáng)，主題突出。不足：語言質(zhì)量有待提高，一些錯(cuò)誤影響文意傳達(dá)，對人物內(nèi)心世界和情感變化的刻畫不夠細(xì)膩