===《老爸老媽的浪漫史第七季第01-05集》英中字幕=========目錄第1集 2第2集 16第3集 31第4集 46第5集 60

第1集Kids,ifthere'sonebig themetothisstory... theyear2030 andIswear,we'retotally,almost,not reallyallthatclosetotheend it'stiming.Timingiseverything. ifitweren'tforawedding. ThelastweddingI everthoughtI'dbeat. Whatdoyouthinkofthistie? Oh,thankGod.BarneyStinsonneeds yourightbeforehiswedding, youassumethere'satleastone deadhookerinthecloset,right? Isthisonebetter? Look,thetieisgreat,and,youknow,it's perfectlynormaltohavesomepre-weddingjitters. I'mnothavingjitters. ItjustoccurstomethatonceIput thistieon,Icannevertakeitoff. Ihavetowearthis tieforeverandever. Andsure,thistie'sskinnynow, butwhathappensifitgetsfat andstartsbossingmearound? DidImakeamistake?WouldIhave beenhappierwiththeothertie? -Ted,canItellyouabigsecret? -Yeah,ofcourse. -I'mnotreallytalkingaboutthetie. -No,Igotthat,Barney. Iwonderifthiswhole thing'sadisaster. Whatifthisistheworstweddingever? Notpossible.We'vealready beentotheworstweddingever. Punchy'swedding. Marshallreallytooka twoflusheronthatone. ThestoryofhowUncleMarshall ruinedmyfriendPunchy'swedding startsinSeptember,2011. Punchyhadaskedmetobehisbestman. -Hey. -Hey. Guys,beforewego,wouldyou mindreadingmyweddingtoast? -Oh,yeah,noproblem.Sure. -Um,allright,ifIhaveto. Allright. There'safewdifferentversions. Ted,whyareyouworking sohardonthistoast? Punchybelchedhisproposalthrough akaraokemicatabowlingalley. Okay,look,I'venevertoldyouguysthis, butovertheyears,afewof myoldhighschoolbuddies haveaskedmetogiveweddingtoasts, andtheyhaven'tgonegreat. Somehowthoseweddingsallfell smack-dabintheworstmomentsofmylife. JoelandMora'slove isabeautifulthing. IthoughtIhadthat...tillmy fiancleftmeatthealtarlastweek. Iwasaskednottotalk aboutthis,soIwon't. Isitoutsideherhouse atnightsometimes. Shegotahaircut. AfterIlostmyjoblastweek, uh,Iwasaskednottogivethistoast... No,no,no!Thehappy coupleneedstohearthis. Thingsend. Butfromtheashesofyour statisticallyprobabledivorce, hopecanriseanew. ThatiswhyI'mstartingmyown architecturefirm--MosbiusDesigns. threemonthslater... MosbiusDesignshasfailed. ButAlexandJessica's loveremindsusthat... Mosbylosesitata weddingAGAIN...CLASSIC! Oh,God! ClassicSchmosby. Whoa.Punchypostedthlow pointsofyourlifeonline? Oh,notjustthat. ClassicShmosbyRemix MosbiusDesignshasfailed ButAlexandJessica's loveremindsusthat... Oh,God! SonowIseemlikeatotaltrainwreck toallmyoldhighschoolfriends. AndabunchofpeopleinFinland. Theauto-tunethinggot kindofbigoverthere. That'swhyIhavetonailthistoast. Ted,youwanttonail somethingatthiswedding-- losetheTrapperKeeper. Theonlythingyouneedto bringtoClevelandisthis. ThatfallIbecametheyoungest architectinthehistoryofNewYork tobreakgroundonaskyscraper. NEWYORKNYC's NextGreatArchitect? Whichledtoaglowingmagazinefeature. THESKYLINE'STHELIMITWunderkind ArchitectTedMosbyPutsHIsStamponNYC Iplannedonhavingitframed--Uncle Barneyhaddifferentplans. Here'syourtoast--"Single file,ladies.Nofatties"" -That'sridiculous. -Yeah,you'reright.It'sCleveland. "Singlefile,ladies"" I'mnotgoingtoPunchy'swedding tobragaboutamagazine...cover. Barney,hedoesn'tneed datingadvicefromyou. YouneverevencalledNora. Kids,yourememberNora. Butjusttheotherday... I'llcallyou.It's nevertoolate,Barney. Ordidyoucallher? NotthatIcare.Didyou? Idon'tcare.Didyou? -Ihaven'tcalledher. -Buddy. Damnit,Barney.Iwas really,really,reallyrootingforyoutwo. -Whowantshotwings? -I'min. Ormaybeweshouldjustpourhotsauce onBarney,sincehe'satotalchicken. Ididnotchickenout.Norais lookingforsomethingserious. I'mnot.Endofstory. -Andyes,Robin,Iwouldlovesomewings. -Cannibal. Okay,nextround'sonme. -Oh,no,wegotit. -No,no... NowLilyandMarshallhadjust foundouttheywerehavingababy. Ican'twaittotelleveryone. Baby,no,wecan'ttellanyone. Notuntilthreemonths. Idon'twanttojinxit. That'sabit superstitious,don'tyouthink? Wheneverweboarda flight,youlicktheplane. Havewecrashedevenonce? Don'tsayaworduntilwe knoweverything'sokay.Deal? Deal.Buteverything's justgoingtobegreat. -Ipromise. -Howcanyouguaranteethat? Comehere. I'mjustsohappy.Idon'tknowhowwe're goingtokeepthissecretforthreemonths. Relax.It'llbeeasy. -What'llyouhave?-Four beers,plusonenon-alcoholic. You'repregnant!Getinhere! Andsoweallheadedtomyhometownwhere weplannedtocelebratePunchy'sbigday. UncleBarneyhaddifferentplans. Getready,Cleveland. Thelastmantoscrewyouthishard thendisappearwasLeBronJames. -You'retryingtogetlaidhere? -What? God,Barney,tonightisamagicalnightbetween Ted'sannoyingfriendandwhat's-her-face. Havesomerespect. Thisisn'tjustgetting laid.Thisismarketresearch. Yousee,mylegendary successrateof83%... 17--it'salways theinverse. ...doesn'thappenbyaccident. EverysingleplayIrunonwomen hasbeenmeticulouslyfield-tested. Byweedingoutthebadplaysin smallermarketslikeCleveland, IknowwhichoneswillworkinNewYork. Forexample,tonightmarkstheinaugural flightoftheescapedmanslaughterer. Areescapedmanslaughtererssexy? -Notevenremotely. -No.No. Exactly.We'llneverknow unlessItryitouttonight. Schmosby!Oh! Turd-faces!What'sup?! Youreallyfeelthatringnow. Sogladyouallmadeit. Openbar.Drinkup,turd-faces, 'causeKelly'sdad'spayingfor allthis,andhehatesmyguts. -It'strue. -Who'sdoingshots?Comeon,let'sgo. -Oh,no,thankyou. -Whatareyoupregnantorsomething? Let'sgethammered! You'redrinkingfortwotonight,baby. Iwilldothisforthechild. -GoBrowns! -GoBrowns! InAFCregularseasonplay,butif theymeantheSuperBowl,goVikings. Yowza! Escapedmanslaughterers-- notsexy. Althoughinhindsight,that waskindofaflawedconcept. Nextup,patientzero. Lily,wearegettingsloshedtonight. -That'sallyou,baby. -I'llbefourshotsinwithnofood. Inninemonths,I'llbepushinga pumpkin-headedEriksenbabyoutofmyhoo-ha. IthinkPapacanmanage afewextracocktails. Wellplayed. HakunaMatata! I,uh,Igottogetsomeair. Kids,rememberhowItoldyou MarshallruinedPunchy'swedding? Thatwasn'tit. God,willyoulookatthatguy. IwishBarneyweremyboyfriendagain. No,thanks. Waitaminute.That'syourtruthvoice. Mywhat? Wheneveryou'retryingto passsomethingoffasajoke butit'sactuallyprofoundly true,youusethatvoice. IwishtheSpiceGirls wouldgetbacktogether. Theywereawesome. Theworst. Thatwasme.Itotallycutone. Thatguy. Birthdaypresentfrommydad. AllIreallywantisforhim totellmethathelovesme. Justkidding. Thispen'senough. It'snotenough. It'stotallyenough. Oh,myGod. YoustillhavefeelingsforBarney. Admitit,youstillhave feelingsforBarney. YouaredrunkerthanIthought. Imean,lookattheguy.Wait,wait,wait. Beforeyougo,pleaseanswerthefollowing surveytohelpmebetterbangyouinthefuture. Whatdidn'tworkfor youaboutthisplay? DidyouA)notbelieveIwasa GuinnessBookworldrecordholder? orB)didthefingernailsgrossyouout? Ican'twaitforyourtoast,Schmosby. Yeah,herecomethewaterworks. Wait.You'rerootingformeto meltdownatyourownwedding? Yeah,everyoneis. PlusafewnewfriendsfromFinland. Hey,goodluck,Schmos. Goodluck,goodluck. Takeit. Showthemhowawesomeyouare. Shamelesslyplugyourself,soyou canshamelesslyplug,let'ssaythat. Itoldyou,I'mnotheretobrag,okay? That'sit. You'retoopolitetobrag. Well,fine. Letme. BecausetheonlypersononEarthwholovesTedMosby morethanMarshallEriksen,isdrunkMarshallEriksen. Sogameon. Kids,rememberhowItoldyouMarshall ruinedPunchyandKelly'swedding? Thatwasn'titeither. BarneyandItriedandfailed. Thatwastwoyearsago. WhywouldIevergo downthatroadagain? Itwouldn'tevenmakesense. Itdoesn'thavetomake sense.It'schemistry. Look,I'vealwayshadasixth senseaboutthesethings. AndnowthatI'mpregnant...with thisideainmymind-uterus, Iseethingsevenclearer. YouandBarneyhavethekindof chemistrythatjustdoesn'tgoaway. Really?Thenwhyishetrying toLeBronanythingthatmoves? Didthisnotworkforyoubecause A)vampiresareplayedout, orB)claimingthatIalsoinvented Facebookwaskindofahatonahat? You'rethereasonhenevercalledNora. You'rethereasonhe's onlytest-marketingtonight. Andyou'rethereasonhe keepsstrikingoutonpurpose. Chemistry. Whoa!Ted! Isthatreallyyouonthe coverofNewYorkmagazine? Now,yousay"yes"" Pleasestop.Schmosby. What'sthisaboutamagazine? Youknowwhat,Clay?It'snobigdeal. Youknowwhat?Itisabigdeal. Clay,myfriendTedis designingaskyscraper,Clay. Whathaveyoubeenupto,Clay? Well,I'mstillworkingat therentalcarcompany... Bravo,bravo,Clay. Anymajorpublicationswanttowrite anarticleonyoursweetrentalcargig? No,noarticles. Mylife'sprettydull. Iguesstheonlynews isthislittlegal. Oh,myGod,wookatthewittlebaby. Sheissocute. AllIwanttodoisput herlittlefeetinmymouth. You'vecreatedsomething trulybeautiful. Sheismyeverything. Imean,it'skindofabigdeal... thebuilding,youknow? Hey,littleone. So,thislittleangel'salready sleepingthroughthenight? I'vehadsomesleepless nights...designingthisbuilding. Nothingsymbolicaboutthat. Letitgo. Thereisnochemistryleft betweenmeandBarney.We'redone. Ohreally?Proveit.Gotellhim. WhywouldIgotellhimthat? Becausedeepdown,evenifheisn'taware ofithimself,Barneywantstobewithyou. Andifit'snotgonna happen,hedeservestoknow. Fine. Barney,justsoeverything iscrystalclear... Iknowwhatyou'regonnasay. Let'sshowClevelandhowit'sdone. Thechillsthatyouspillupmyback Leavemefilledwithsatisfaction Whenwe'redone,satisfaction ofwhat'stocome Icouldn'taskfor anotherUh-huh,uh-huh NowIcouldn'taskforanother Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisinthe heartAskyourmama Grooveisintheheart One,two,three Grooveisinyourheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart. Barney...I... Sorry. Oh,myGod,it'sNora. Nora'sfinallycallingmeback. Wait,yousaidyounevercalledher. Ilied.Icalledher,like,fivetimes. Wait,wait! YouofallpeopleknowhowmuchIsuckat thesethings.Yougottahelpme.Please? JustonceIwouldliketoseewhat itfeelsliketonotscrewthingsup. Okay. Hey,Nora.Thanksforcallingmeback. Um,hey,hi.The-the-thereason that,um,Icalledis,uh... TotellyouhowIfeelaboutyou. ...totellyouhowIfeelaboutyou. Iknowwedidn'twork outthefirsttime... Iknowwedidn'twork outthefirsttime... ...andIknowit doesn'tmakeanysense... ...andIknowit doesn'tmakeanysense... ...butIcan'tshakethe feelingthatwebelongtogether. ...butIcan'tshakethis feelingthatwebelongtogether. Isthereanypartofyou thatwantstotryagain? Isthereanypartofyou thatwantstotryagain? Baby,Ican'ttakeitanymore. I'vegottatellsomebody thatwe'repregnant. Eriksen,staystrong.We're keepingthissecret. There'sbabieseverywhere. It'slikeaminefieldofcuteness. Lookatthislittlebastard. Marshall,stopit.Staystrong. Youcan'tletholding some,somelittlebaby... oh,withthecutelittlecheeksand the...thelittlearmsandlittlelegs... Thissonofabitchhaskneedimples. Let'sgotelleveryoneI'mpregnant. -Youokay? -Nope.You? Notexcessively. -Youwanttotalkaboutit? -Notevenalittle. Mightmakeyoufeelbetter. Okay,fine,I'llmakeyouadeal: yougofirst,andthenI'llstickwith mythingaboutnottalkingaboutit. Okay. Allmyfriendsfromhighschool,they're herewiththeirwives,theirkids. Me?Mydateforthenight isastickymagazine. Soundslikehighschoolalloveragain. Sorry,itwasrightthere. Iusedtobelieveindestiny,youknow? I'dgotothebagelplace,see aprettygirlinline readingmyfavorite novel,whistlingthesong that'sbeenstuckinmy headallweekandI'dthink, "Wow.Hey,maybeshe'stheone." NowIthink,"Ijustknow"thatbitchisgonna takethelastwhole-wheateverythingbagel." You'vejustbeenfocusedonwork. No,it'smorethanthat. I'vestoppedbelieving. Notinsomedepressed,"I'm gonnacryduringmytoast"way. NotinawayIeven noticeduntiltonight. It'sjust,everyday,IthinkIbelievealittle lessandalittlelessandalittleless. Andthat...sucks. WhatdoIdoaboutthat,Scherbatsky? You'reTedMosby. Youstartbelievingagain. Inwhat,destiny? Chemistry. Ifyouhavechemistry,you onlyneedoneotherthing. -What'sthat? -Timing. Buttiming'sabitch. Hey,westillhaveour40deal,right? Ifwe'rebothstillsingleat40... I'mallyours.Hmm Unrelated,doarchitectsmakebigmoney? -Aggressivelymediummoney. -Damnit. Schmosby,you'reupintwominutes. Okay,promisemetwothings,one) youstartbelievingagain, andtwo)don'tcry duringthetoast,Schmosby. -Ipromise. -Good. We'rehavingababy. -What,forreal? -Forreal. Attention,everyone! It'stimeforthereason we'reallheretonight. Schmosby'stoast! We'reheretonighttocelebratelove. Lovebringsusnewlife... Thisisn'tameltdown. Thesearetearsofjoy. Tedishappyforhisfriends'cause he'sthebestguythatIknow. Anddoyouknowwhyhe'shappy? Becausethisbeautiful ladyrighthereispregnant. Howdidyouknowthat?! Thatwassupposedtobeasecret! Turnsout... GoBrowns! GoBrowns!Whoo! InAFCregularseasonplay,butif theymeantheSuperBowl,goVikings. Howdareyou. That'smydaughter,youpieceofgarbage. You'restillgonna payforallthis,right? "Pieceofgarbage"?That'smyson. AndthatishowMarshall destroyedPunchy'swedding. Butwedidn'tcare. Therewasgonnabeasixth memberofourlittlefamily. Noweddingwillever,ever beasbadasthatone,right? Ipickedtherighttie,didn'tI? Younailedit. Andhey,justbeglad it'snottheduckytie. Ooh,theduckytie. That'sagoodstory kids.I'llgettothat. Man,wearenotevenclosetotheend. You'reagoodbestman,Ted. You'regonnacryduring thetoast,aren'tyou? Oh,I'mtotallygonnacry. Comein. Ted,thebridewantstoseeyou. Okay. Really?You'regonnagowiththattie? 孩子們?nèi)绻銈兿Ｍ夷芮腥胝} 2030年 我只能說還早著呢 關(guān)鍵在時(shí)機(jī) 因?yàn)闀r(shí)機(jī)是最重要的因素 如果不是這場(chǎng)婚禮 我將絕對(duì)不會(huì)遇見你們老媽 一場(chǎng)我完全沒有預(yù)料到的婚禮 你覺得這條領(lǐng)帶怎么樣? 謝天謝地BarneyStinson在婚禮之前需要我 我還以為是因?yàn)闄还窭镉袀€(gè)妓女的尸體呢 這條是不是好點(diǎn)? 領(lǐng)帶沒問題 婚前恐懼癥是很正常的 我沒有婚前恐懼 我只是剛意識(shí)到一旦戴上了這條領(lǐng)帶 就再也取不下來了 我將一輩子都戴著這條領(lǐng)帶 雖然它現(xiàn)在很苗條 但誰能保證它以后不會(huì)變胖 還對(duì)我頤指氣使的? 我選對(duì)了嗎? 戴其他的領(lǐng)帶會(huì)不會(huì)更幸福呢? -Ted我要告訴你個(gè)大秘密 -沒問題 -我不是在說領(lǐng)帶 -我懂的Barney 我只是在想這會(huì)不會(huì)是個(gè)錯(cuò)誤 如果這是史上最爛的婚禮怎么辦? 不可能我們已經(jīng)見過史上最爛的婚禮了 Punchy'的婚禮 Marshall捅的婁子也夠大的 在2011年9月 你們Marshall叔叔搞砸了Punchy的婚禮 Punchy邀請(qǐng)我當(dāng)他的伴郎 -嘿 -嘿 各位能不能看看我寫的祝酒詞? -當(dāng)然沒問題 -勉為其難看看吧 很好 有幾個(gè)不同的版本 Ted你至于花這么多心思在祝酒詞上嗎? Punchy的求婚也就是在保齡球館里 用卡拉ok話筒邊打嗝邊說的 好吧我沒跟你們說過這個(gè) 這幾年我有一些高中同學(xué) 讓我在他們的婚禮上致祝酒詞 但結(jié)果都不怎么成功 這些婚禮剛好都發(fā)生在 我人生最低谷的時(shí)刻中 Joel和Mora擁有美好的愛情 我曾經(jīng)也擁有過 直到上周我的未婚妻在婚禮上離我而去 他們不讓我說這個(gè)所以我就不說了 我有時(shí)候在她家外面坐一個(gè)晚上 她剪頭發(fā)了 自從上個(gè)星期我丟了工作之后 他們就不讓我致祝酒詞了 不不不 幸福的人應(yīng)該聽聽這個(gè)殘酷的事實(shí) 一切都會(huì)結(jié)束的 但是就算將來你們很有可能離婚 人生也還是有希望的 比如我就創(chuàng)立了自己的公司 Mosbius設(shè)計(jì)公司 三個(gè)月之后... Mosbius設(shè)計(jì)公司關(guān)門了 但是Alex和Jessica的愛情提醒著我們 Mosby再次在婚禮上崩潰 超經(jīng)典! 老天爺啊! Schmosby的固定風(fēng)格 Punchy把你最悲催的時(shí)刻傳上網(wǎng)了? 不止如此 經(jīng)典Shmosby混音版 Mosbius設(shè)計(jì)公司關(guān)門了 但是Alex和Jessica的愛情提醒著我們 老天爺啊! 所以現(xiàn)在我那些高中同學(xué) 都覺得我過得特別凄慘 還有在芬蘭的一伙人 混音版的視頻在那邊還挺受歡迎的 這就是我要hold住致酒詞的原因 Ted如果你想hold住整個(gè)婚禮 扔掉這些文件夾吧 你只需要把這個(gè)帶去克利夫蘭 那年秋天我成為了紐約歷史上 最年輕的摩天大樓建筑師 NEWYORK 紐約下一個(gè)偉大的建筑師? 因此得到了雜志的專訪 飛躍地平線年輕建筑師TedMosby 改造紐約城 我想把他裱起來Barney卻有其他主意 你的祝酒詞可以是--"排好隊(duì)吧美女們 胖子勿近" -這也太扯了 -沒錯(cuò)那是克利夫蘭 "排好隊(duì)吧美女們" 我才不要在Punchy的婚禮上 炫耀一個(gè)雜志...封面 Barney他不需要你的愛情指導(dǎo) 你壓根就沒聯(lián)系過Nora 孩子們還記得Nora吧 但是有一天... -我會(huì)聯(lián)系你的 -一切都不會(huì)太晚Barney 還是已經(jīng)聯(lián)系過了? 關(guān)我什么事聯(lián)系過嗎? 我不在乎有嗎? -我沒聯(lián)系她 -哥們 Barney我相當(dāng)相當(dāng)相當(dāng)看好你們倆 -誰想要香辣雞翅? -我要 或者直接把辣醬刷在Barney身上 反正他膽小得跟小雞一樣 我不是膽小Nara想要認(rèn)真的交往 而我不想完了就這樣 -好的Robin我要吃雞翅 -同類相食 好下一輪我請(qǐng) -別我們來 -不不不... 自從Lily和Marshall發(fā)現(xiàn)他們將為人父母 我要告訴大家 親愛的別等三個(gè)月后再告訴他們 我怕不吉利 這有點(diǎn)迷信哦 每次咱們上機(jī)你還舔飛機(jī)呢 這么多次沒墜機(jī)靠的是誰? 等一切塵埃落定我們?cè)俑嬖V他們好嗎? 好吧不過事情會(huì)一帆風(fēng)順的 -我保證 -這個(gè)你怎么保證? 來 我太開心了叫我怎么保守三個(gè)月的秘密 放松很容易就過去了 -要什么? -四杯啤酒一杯無酒精飲料 你懷孕了!抱一下! 之后大家回到我家鄉(xiāng)為了Punchy大喜之日 Barney叔叔有另外的打算 準(zhǔn)備好了克利夫蘭 (俄亥俄州第一大城Ted故鄉(xiāng)) 繼勒布朗詹姆斯之后我要再一次把你耍得團(tuán)團(tuán)轉(zhuǎn) (勒布朗詹姆斯離開克利夫蘭騎士隊(duì)后騎士隊(duì)悲劇了) -你打算在這里找一夜情? -怎么? Barney今晚是Ted的煩人老友 和那個(gè)誰的大喜之日 放尊重點(diǎn) 這不單只是一夜情這是市場(chǎng)調(diào)研 你看我的傳奇戰(zhàn)績(jī)83%成功率... 只有17%他總是說反 ...不是事出無因的 每個(gè)把妹戰(zhàn)略都經(jīng)過嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)膱?chǎng)地調(diào)研 我通過排除不適用于小規(guī)模場(chǎng)地的戰(zhàn)略 比如說克利夫蘭 那些紐約能行的戰(zhàn)略 比如今晚的開場(chǎng)是"出逃的殺人犯" 出逃的殺人犯性感吧? -不可能 -不 沒錯(cuò)今晚不試試沒人知道! Schmosby! 便便臉!大家好哇?! 現(xiàn)在感覺到戒指的存在了吧 你們能來太好了 開放吧臺(tái)來干一杯便便臉 因?yàn)镵elly的老爸把結(jié)婚費(fèi)用包圓了 而且他恨我入骨 -是真的 -來一杯來來來 -不了謝謝 -咋了你懷孕了還是怎么? 不醉無歸! 今晚你要喝兩份了親愛的 為了孩子 -布朗隊(duì)加油! -布朗隊(duì)加油! (克利夫蘭橄欖球隊(duì)) 美國(guó)橄欖球聯(lián)合會(huì)常規(guī)賽的話沒問題 要是指超級(jí)碗維京隊(duì)加油! (明尼蘇達(dá)州的隊(duì)Marshall故鄉(xiāng)) 哇!! 出逃的殺人犯--不性感 雖然后見之明這主意不行 下一個(gè)零號(hào)病人 Lily今晚要喝個(gè)大醉 -都是你的了親愛的 -再來我就空腹第四杯了 九個(gè)月之后我的私處會(huì)冒出個(gè) Eriksen家的南瓜頭嬰兒 作為爸爸的你喝多點(diǎn)的雞尾酒能行吧 你狠 沒問題啦! (斯華西里語詳見獅子王...) 我我要去呼吸一下新鮮空氣 孩子們還記得我說過Marshall 毀了Punchy的婚禮嗎? 還沒到呢 天你看看他 真希望Barney仍和我在一起 免了 等等你用了真實(shí)音調(diào) 真實(shí)啥? 每次你想用玩笑帶過 自己的真心話你就會(huì)用這個(gè)音調(diào) 真希望辣妹組合能復(fù)合啊 她們棒極了 棒個(gè)屁 是我啦被發(fā)現(xiàn)了 是他啦 爸爸的生日禮物 人家只想要他對(duì)我說"我愛你" 開玩笑啦 有支筆就夠了 才不夠呢 夠了 我的天 你對(duì)Barney還有感覺 承認(rèn)吧你對(duì)Barney還有感覺 你比我想象中醉 看看那家伙等等 走之前請(qǐng)幫我完成這份調(diào)查 以便日后更方便地上你 這次的把妹行動(dòng)為什么不適用于你? A你不信我是吉尼斯世界紀(jì)錄保持者? B還是指甲把你嚇著了? 我等不及你的祝酒詞了Schmosby 眼淚嘩嘩地來了 你們就等著看我在婚禮上哭? 大家都等著呢 還有些芬蘭的新朋友 祝你好運(yùn)了Schmos 好運(yùn)好運(yùn) 拿著阿 給他們看看你有多牛逼 無恥的推銷你自己這樣才能堵住他們的嘴 跟你說了我不是來顯擺的好嘛? 得了 你這么低調(diào)不想顯擺 那好吧 我來 因?yàn)槲ㄒ槐萂arshallEriksen更愛TedMosby的 就是喝多了的MarshallEriksen. 來吧 孩子們記得我跟你們說過Marshall 是怎么毀Punchy和Kelly的婚禮的么? 還沒到呢 Barney和我試過了失敗了 已經(jīng)兩年前的事了 我為什么還要在經(jīng)歷一次? 根本毫無道理 不需要有道理是化學(xué)反應(yīng) 聽著我一直對(duì)這種事有第六感 而且現(xiàn)在我懷孕了...在我精神世界的子宮里 我看事情更透徹了 你和Barney的化學(xué)反應(yīng)就是不會(huì)消退 真的?那他為什么見到會(huì)動(dòng)的就去勾引? 這個(gè)對(duì)你沒有湊效是因?yàn)?A)吸血鬼過時(shí)了 還是 B)聲稱我也參與發(fā)明了Facebook感覺像充數(shù)? 因?yàn)槟闼艔牟宦?lián)系Nora 因?yàn)槟闼裢聿胖皇亲鍪袌?chǎng)調(diào)研而已 因?yàn)槟闼乓恢惫室鈬L試 化學(xué)效應(yīng) 哇!Ted! 紐約雜志封面上的真是你嗎? -你要說是的 -別鬧了 Schmosby這雜志是怎么回事? 知道么Clay?沒什么大不了的 知道么?這可是大事 Clay我朋友Ted正在設(shè)計(jì)一幢摩天大樓Clay 你做了什么Clay? 我還在租車公司工作... 厲害厲害Clay 有什么主流雜志想寫一篇 關(guān)于你租車業(yè)務(wù)的文章么? 沒有 我的生活挺無聊的 唯一的新聞就是這個(gè)小寶貝了 噢天啊看介個(gè)小北鼻! 好可愛 我只想把她的小腳放進(jìn)我嘴里 你真是創(chuàng)造了個(gè)尤物阿 她是我的一切 我是說還算是件大事的... 大樓你知道? 嘿小東西 這個(gè)小天使已經(jīng)開始酣睡整夜了么? 我可是有幾晚徹夜未眠阿...設(shè)計(jì)這個(gè)大樓 沒什么象征意義 算了吧 我跟Barney沒有化學(xué)反應(yīng)我們結(jié)束了 噢真的?證明一下去告訴他 我為什么要告訴他? 因?yàn)樵贐arney心深處即時(shí)他自己都沒有意識(shí)到 他想和你在一起 如果沒可能的話他也應(yīng)該知道 好吧 Barney我要把話說清楚... 我知道你要說什么 咱們給克利夫蘭秀一下 Thechillsthatyouspillupmyback Leavemefilledwithsatisfaction Whenwe'redone,satisfaction ofwhat'stocome Icouldn'taskfor anotherUh-huh,uh-huh NowIcouldn'taskforanother Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisinthe heartAskyourmama Grooveisintheheart One,two,three Grooveisinyourheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart Grooveisintheheart. Barney...我... 對(duì)不起 噢天啊是Nora Nora終于回我電話了 等等你說你一直沒聯(lián)系她 我撒謊了我打給她不下5次 等等 所有人當(dāng)中你最了解我這方面多不擅長(zhǎng)了 你一定要幫我求你? 只有這一次我想試試不搞砸是什么感覺 好吧 嘿Nora謝謝你回我電話 嗯嘿嗨我打電話是...我打電話...呃... 告訴你我對(duì)你的感覺... ...告訴你我對(duì)你的感覺 我知道我們第一次沒有成功... 我知道我們第一次沒有成功... ...我也知道這毫無道理... ...我也知道這毫無道理... ...但我始終無法忘懷我們?cè)谝黄饡r(shí)的感覺 ...但我始終無法忘懷我們?cè)谝黄饡r(shí)的感覺 你有沒有哪怕一絲重新試一試打算? 293 00:15:34,980-->00:15:37,520 你有沒有哪怕一絲重新試一試打算? 寶貝我再也忍不住了 我想告訴別人咱們有孩子了 Eriksen堅(jiān)強(qiáng)點(diǎn) 我們得保守秘密 這里到處都是寶寶 到處充滿可愛的氣息 看看這個(gè)小雜種 Marshall堅(jiān)強(qiáng)點(diǎn)你得hold住 你可不能對(duì)這些小小的寶寶... 有著小可愛臉頰的... 小胳膊小腿的... 這小雜種居然有膝蓋上也有酒窩 我們?nèi)ジ嬖V大家吧 我們有孩子了 -你還好嗎? -不好你呢? 不太好 -你想傾訴下嗎? -一點(diǎn)也不想 傾訴可能會(huì)讓你好受點(diǎn) 好吧我跟你做個(gè)交易: 你先說然后我什么都不說 好吧 我所有的高中朋友 他們都攜妻帶子的來了 我呢? 今晚的陪伴只有這本黏糊糊的雜志 聽起來又像是高中那點(diǎn)事情了 對(duì)不起只是它恰好在這兒 我過去常相信命運(yùn)你知道嗎? 我去買百吉餅 看上了一個(gè)排隊(duì)的漂亮姑娘 讀著我最喜歡的小說 吹著那首 在我腦海里回蕩整周的曲子 我在想 "哇嘿可能這就是我命中注定的那個(gè)她" 現(xiàn)在我會(huì)想"我就知道 她會(huì)把剩下的全麥百吉餅都買走" 你只是一直專注于工作 不不止那些 我已經(jīng)不再愿意相信了 不是抑郁的想"我得在祝酒時(shí)哭了" 直至今晚我才意識(shí)到怎么回事 我是每一天我一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的喪失掉 我對(duì)命運(yùn)的信任 這真是...太討厭了 Scherbatsky我該怎么辦? 你是TedMosby 你重新開始相信了 相信什么命運(yùn)? 化學(xué)反應(yīng) 如果你已經(jīng)有化學(xué)屬性 你就只需要一件東西了 -什么? -時(shí)機(jī) 但時(shí)機(jī)是個(gè)賤人 嘿我們還是有那個(gè)40歲的約定 對(duì)吧? 如果我們到40歲都還單身的話... 我就是你的了 問句不相關(guān)的 建筑師能賺大錢不? -往多了說中等水平吧 -該死 Schmosby你兩分鐘后要發(fā)言了 向我承諾兩件事 第一我開始重新相信 第二別再祝酒時(shí)候哭了Schmosby -我承諾 -好的 我們有孩子了 -什么真的嗎? -真的 請(qǐng)大家注意! 接下來就是我們聚在這里的原因 Schmosby的祝酒詞! 我們今晚聚在這里 來祝賀一份愛意 愛帶給我們新的生活... 這可不是失敗之淚 這些是快樂之淚 Ted是為他的朋友們高興 因?yàn)樗俏艺J(rèn)識(shí)的最好的人 你們知道他為什么很開心嗎? 因?yàn)檫@位漂亮的女士懷孕了 你怎么知道的?! 這本應(yīng)該是個(gè)秘密的! 結(jié)果是... 布朗隊(duì)加油! 布朗隊(duì)加油!喔! 是美聯(lián)常規(guī)賽季中的布朗 如果說的是超級(jí)杯維京隊(duì)加油 你怎么這么大膽子 那是我的女兒你個(gè)破爛貨 你還是得接受這一切不是嗎? "破爛貨"?那是我兒子 這就是Marshall如何毀掉了 Punchy婚禮 但是我們不在乎 我們小團(tuán)體中將迎來第六名成員 沒有會(huì)比那次更糟的婚禮了 不是嗎? 我選對(duì)了領(lǐng)帶不是嗎? 你搞的定的 你應(yīng)該慶幸不是那條鴨子領(lǐng)帶 鴨子領(lǐng)帶 孩子們那是個(gè)好故事 我之后會(huì)講的 我們離結(jié)局還遠(yuǎn)著呢 Ted你是個(gè)好伴郎 你會(huì)在祝酒時(shí)哭的不是嗎? 我完全會(huì)哭的 進(jìn)來吧 Ted新娘想要見你 好的 真的嗎?你居然準(zhǔn)備戴那條領(lǐng)帶? 第2集Oh,God,guys,I'mstillreallyhungover. DidIreallyruinawedding? No,youdidn'truinawedding. Justthereception. Andthebarmitzvahnextdoor. Andmydress. Andyourdress.Youput onadressatonepoint. Okay,youknowwhat,that'sit. I'mabouttobeadad,andIwanttobe thekindofmanthat mychildcanlookupto. So,sweepingdeclaration... Iamnevergettingdrunk againaslongasIlive. I'mserious. Kids,it'snotthatyourUncle Marshallhadadrinkingproblem. Butwheneverhemadea sweepingdeclarationlikethat, youprettymuchknew... thenextday... Ididitagain. ButI'mgettingaheadofmyself. Whathappenedtoyourleg? Oh,nothing. I'mmeetingNoraforcoffee. She'sstillmadatme,soI needsomesympathypoints. Shelikesmusicals,soI'mgoing totellherIfelloffthestage duringaperformance ofManofLaMancha. Whatdoyouthink? Losethecast. Aone-manshow...Ilikeit! Justsowe'reclearthiswomanis madatyoubecauseyouliedtoher. Soyoursolutionisto pretendyoubrokeyourleg? You'reright. Aneckbrace.Thanks,Lil. Man,IwishI'dhave talkedtoyousooner. I'vebeenpracticingwith thesecrutchesallday andwhoeverlefttheminmy lobbyprobablyreallyneeds'em. Well,uh,Ihavesomegoodnews. Asyouallknow,Irecentlydecidedtogetback outthereandstartdatingagain.And,uh,well... Isthisyou? Uh,yeah.Hi.I'mTed. -Hi. -Hi. That'sgreat,Ted. Yeah.Yeah,itwasa momentofpuredestiny. Thekindyoujustcan'tmanufacture. OrsoIthought. Oh,no.HowdidIgetonthere? Hi.TedMosby. Guilty. Hi.TedMosby. Thatisembarrassing. Ishouldbeonthecover ofEggOnMyFacemagazine. ButI'mnot.I'mon thecoverofthisone. Hi.TedMosby. 16momentsofpuredestinyinone day,andofthose16,tenweresingle. Ofthoseten,sevenlikedwhattheysaw. Ofthoseseven,fourwerewomen. Ofthosefour,twogave metheirrealnumber. AndIhaveadatewithbothofthem. Okay. Guys,it'sGarrisonCootes. Kids,GarrisonCooteswasasenior partneratHoneywell&Cootes. Oneofthebiggestenvironmental lawfirmsinAmerica. Marshallwouldhavegiven anythingtoworkthere. IfIdon'tgetthisjob,Imightendup workingat,like,aTacoBellsomewhere. Andnobodywantsthat. Ormaybeyouguyswantthat,because you'llgetfreetacos,'causeyourmypeeps. ButrightnowIneed allofyoutocalmdown! Hello. Marshall,thisisGarrisonCootes. SorryIdidn'tgetbacktoyou sooner,butI'vejustbeenswamped. Whichisfunny,'causeI'm literallystandinginaswamp. Anyway,I'mjustouthere,I'mjustcollectingsome samplesforthispollutioncasewe'reworkingon. Ilovetheworkyou guysdo.That'sacroc... No,Imeanit. No,no,there'sacrocodile aboutfivefeetawayfromme. SoI'mjustgoingtoignorethehot urinefillingmywadersaswespeak, andtellyouthatwe'reveryinterested. He'sinterested. Obviouslywehavetodosomesortofcredit check,youknow,acriminalrecordandGooglesearch, butaslongasnothingunseemly turnsup,you'regoodtogo,man. Thatisfantastic,Mr.Cootes! Well,Igottarun. Thisissofunny, because,actually,I