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Chapter16

IbothwishedandfearedtoseeMr.Rochesteronthedaywhichfollowedthissleeplessnight:Iwantedtohearhisvoiceagain,yetfearedtomeethiseye.Duringtheearlypartofthemorning,Imomentarilyexpectedhiscoming;hewasnotinthefrequenthabitofenteringtheschoolroom,buthedidstepinforafewminutessometimes,andIhadtheimpressionthathewassuretovisititthatday.

Butthemorningpassedjustasusual:nothinghappenedtointerruptthequietcourseofAdele’sstudies;onlysoonafterbreakfast,IheardsomebustleintheneighbourhoodofMr.Rochester’schamber,Mrs.Fairfax’svoice,andLeah’s,andthecook’s—thatis,John’swife—andevenJohn’sowngrufftones.Therewereexclamationsof“Whatamercymasterwasnotburntinhisbed!”“Itisalwaysdangeroustokeepacandlelitatnight.”“Howprovidentialthathehadpresenceofmindtothinkofthewater-jug!”“Iwonderhewakednobody!”“Itistobehopedhewillnottakecoldwithsleepingonthelibrarysofa,”&c.

Tomuchconfabulationsucceededasoundofscrubbingandsettingtorights;andwhenIpassedtheroom,ingoingdownstairstodinner,Isawthroughtheopendoorthatallwasagainrestoredtocompleteorder;onlythebedwasstrippedofitshangings.Leahstoodupinthewindow-seat,rubbingthepanesofglassdimmedwithsmoke.Iwasabouttoaddressher,forIwishedtoknowwhataccounthadbeengivenoftheaffair:but,

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onadvancing,Isawasecondpersoninthechamber—awomansittingonachairbythebedside,andsewingringstonewcurtains.ThatwomanwasnootherthanGracePoole.

Thereshesat,staidandtaciturn-looking,asusual,inherbrownstuffgown,hercheckapron,whitehandkerchief,andcap.Shewasintentonherwork,inwhichherwholethoughtsseemedabsorbed:onherhardforehead,andinhercommonplacefeatures,wasnothingeitherofthepalenessordesperationonewouldhaveexpectedtoseemarkingthecountenanceofawomanwhohadattemptedmurder,andwhoseintendedvictimhadfollowedherlastnighttoherlair,and(asIbelieved),chargedherwiththecrimeshewishedtoperpetrate.Iwasamazed—confounded.Shelookedup,whileIstillgazedather:nostart,noincreaseorfailureofcolourbetrayedemotion,consciousnessofguilt,orfearofdetection.Shesaid“Goodmorning,Miss,”inherusualphlegmaticandbriefmanner;andtakingupanotherringandmoretape,wentonwithhersewing.

“Iwillputhertosometest,”thoughtI:“suchabsoluteimpenetrabilityispastcomprehension.”

“Goodmorning,Grace,”Isaid.“Hasanythinghappenedhere?IthoughtIheardtheservantsalltalkingtogetherawhileago.”

“Onlymasterhadbeenreadinginhisbedlastnight;hefellasleepwithhiscandlelit,andthecurtainsgotonfire;but,fortunately,heawokebeforethebed-clothes

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orthewood-workcaught,andcontrivedtoquenchtheflameswiththewaterintheewer.”

“Astrangeaffair!”Isaid,inalowvoice:then,lookingatherfixedly—“DidMr.Rochesterwakenobody?Didnoonehearhimmove?”

Sheagainraisedhereyestome,andthistimetherewassomethingofconsciousnessintheirexpression.Sheseemedtoexaminemewarily;thensheanswered-

“Theservantssleepsofaroff,youknow,Miss,theywouldnotbelikelytohear.Mrs.Fairfax’sroomandyoursarethenearesttomaster’s;butMrs.Fairfaxsaidsheheardnothing:whenpeoplegetelderly,theyoftensleepheavy.”Shepaused,andthenadded,withasortofassumedindifference,butstillinamarkedandsignificanttone—“Butyouareyoung,Miss;andIshouldsayalightsleeper:perhapsyoumayhaveheardanoise?”

“Idid,”saidI,droppingmyvoice,sothatLeah,whowasstillpolishingthepanes,couldnothearme,“andatfirstIthoughtitwasPilot:butPilotcannotlaugh;andIamcertainIheardalaugh,andastrangeone.”

Shetookanewneedlefulofthread,waxeditcarefully,threadedherneedlewithasteadyhand,andthenobserved,withperfectcomposure-

“Itishardlylikelymasterwouldlaugh,Ishouldthink,Miss,whenhewasinsuchdanger:Youmusthavebeendreaming.”

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“Iwasnotdreaming,”Isaid,withsomewarmth,forherbrazencoolnessprovokedme.Againshelookedatme;andwiththesamescrutinisingandconsciouseye.

“Haveyoutoldmasterthatyouheardalaugh?”sheinquired.

“Ihavenothadtheopportunityofspeakingtohimthismorning.”

“Youdidnotthinkofopeningyourdoorandlookingoutintothegallery?”shefurtherasked.

Sheappearedtobecross-questioningme,attemptingtodrawfrommeinformationunawares.TheideastruckmethatifshediscoveredIkneworsuspectedherguilt,shewouldbeplayingofsomeofhermalignantpranks

onme;Ithoughtitadvisabletobeonmyguard.“Onthecontrary,”saidI,“Iboltedmydoor.”

“Thenyouarenotinthehabitofboltingyourdooreverynightbeforeyougetintobed?”

“Fiend!shewantstoknowmyhabits,thatshemaylayherplansaccordingly!”Indignationagainprevailedoverprudence:Irepliedsharply,“HithertoIhaveoftenomittedtofastenthebolt:Ididnotthinkitnecessary.IwasnotawareanydangerorannoyancewastobedreadedatThornfieldHall:butinfuture”(andIlaidmarkedstressonthewords)“IshalltakegoodcaretomakeallsecurebeforeIventuretoliedown.”

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“Itwillbewisesotodo,”washeranswer:“thisneighbourhoodisasquietasanyIknow,andIneverheardofthehallbeingattemptedbyrobberssinceitwasahouse;thoughtherearehundredsofpounds’worthofplateintheplate-closet,asiswellknown.Andyousee,forsuchalargehouse,thereareveryfewservants,becausemasterhasneverlivedheremuch;andwhenhedoescome,beingabachelor,heneedslittlewaitingon:butIalwaysthinkitbesttoerronthesafeside;adoorissoonfastened,anditisaswelltohaveadrawnboltbetweenoneandanymischiefthatmaybeabout.Adealofpeople,Miss,arefortrustingalltoProvidence;butIsayProvidencewillnotdispensewiththemeans,thoughHeoftenblessesthemwhentheyareuseddiscreetly.”Andheresheclosedherharangue:alongoneforher,andutteredwiththedemurenessofaQuakeress.

Istillstoodabsolutelydumfounderedatwhatappearedtomehermiraculousself-possessionandmostinscrutablehypocrisy,whenthecookentered.

“Mrs.Poole,”saidshe,addressingGrace,“theservants’dinnerwillsoonbeready:willyoucomedown?”

“No;justputmypintofporterandbitofpuddingonatray,andI’llcarryitupstairs.”

“You’llhavesomemeat?”

“Justamorsel,andatasteofcheese,that’sall.”“Andthesago?”

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“Neverminditatpresent:Ishallbecomingdownbeforeteatime:I’llmakeitmyself.”

Thecookhereturnedtome,sayingthatMrs.Fairfaxwaswaitingforme:soIdeparted.

IhardlyheardMrs.Fairfax’saccountofthecurtainconflagrationduringdinner,somuchwasIoccupiedinpuzzlingmybrainsovertheenigmaticalcharacterofGracePoole,andstillmoreinponderingtheproblemofherpositionatThornfieldandquestioningwhyshehadnotbeengivenintocustodythatmorning,or,attheveryleast,dismissedfromhermaster’sservice.Hehadalmostasmuchasdeclaredhisconvictionofhercriminalitylastnight:whatmysteriouscausewithheldhimfromaccusingher?Whyhadheenjoinedme,too,tosecrecy?Itwasstrange:abold,vindictive,andhaughtygentlemanseemedsomehowinthepowerofoneofthemeanestofhisdependants;somuchinherpower,thatevenwhensheliftedherhandagainsthislife,hedarednotopenlychargeherwiththeattempt,muchlesspunishherforit.

HadGracebeenyoungandhandsome,IshouldhavebeentemptedtothinkthattendererfeelingsthanprudenceorfearinfluencedMr.Rochesterinherbehalf;but,hard-favouredandmatronlyasshewas,theideacouldnotbeadmitted.“Yet,”Ireflected,“shehasbeenyoungonce;heryouthwouldbecontemporarywithhermaster’s:Mrs.Fairfaxtoldmeonce,shehadlivedheremanyyears.Idon’tthinkshecaneverhavebeenpretty;but,foraughtIknow,shemaypossess

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originalityandstrengthofcharactertocompensateforthewantofpersonaladvantages.Mr.Rochesterisanamateurofthedecidedandeccentric:Graceiseccentricatleast.Whatifaformercaprice(afreakverypossibletoanaturesosuddenandheadstrongashis)hasdeliveredhimintoherpower,andshenowexercisesoverhisactionsasecretinfluence,theresultofhisownindiscretion,whichhecannotshakeoff,anddarenotdisregard?”But,havingreachedthispointofconjecture,Mrs.Poole’ssquare,flatfigure,anduncomely,dry,evencoarseface,recurredsodistinctlytomymind’seye,thatIthought,“No;impossible!mysuppositioncannotbecorrect.Yet,”suggestedthesecretvoicewhichtalkstousinourownhearts,“youarenotbeautifuleither,andperhapsMr.Rochesterapprovesyou:atanyrate,youhaveoftenfeltasifhedid;andlastnight—rememberhiswords;rememberhislook;rememberhisvoice!”

Iwellrememberedall;language,glance,andtoneseemedatthemomentvividlyrenewed.Iwasnowintheschoolroom;Adelewasdrawing;Ibentoverheranddirectedherpencil.Shelookedupwithasortofstart.

“Qu’avez-vous,mademoiselle?”saidshe.“Vosdoigtstremblentcommelafeuille,etvosjouessontrouges:mais,rougescommedescerises!”

“Iamhot,Adele,withstooping!”Shewentonsketching;Iwentonthinking.

IhastenedtodrivefrommymindthehatefulnotionIhadbeenconceivingrespectingGracePoole;it

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disgustedme.Icomparedmyselfwithher,andfoundweweredifferent.BessieLeavenhadsaidIwasquitealady;andshespoketruth—Iwasalady.AndnowIlookedmuchbetterthanIdidwhenBessiesawme;Ihadmorecolourandmoreflesh,morelife,morevivacity,becauseIhadbrighterhopesandkeenerenjoyments.

“Eveningapproaches,”saidI,asIlookedtowardsthewindow.“IhaveneverheardMr.Rochester’svoiceorstepinthehouseto-day;butsurelyIshallseehimbeforenight:Ifearedthemeetinginthemorning;nowIdesireit,becauseexpectationhasbeensolongbaffledthatitisgrownimpatient.”

Whenduskactuallyclosed,andwhenAdeleleftmetogoandplayinthenurserywithSophie,Ididmostkeenlydesireit.Ilistenedforthebelltoringbelow;IlistenedforLeahcomingupwithamessage;IfanciedsometimesIheardMr.Rochester’sowntread,andIturnedtothedoor,expectingittoopenandadmithim.Thedoorremainedshut;darknessonlycameinthroughthewindow.Stillitwasnotlate;heoftensentformeatsevenandeighto’clock,anditwasyetbutsix.SurelyIshouldnotbewhollydisappointedto-night,whenIhadsomanythingstosaytohim!IwantedagaintointroducethesubjectofGracePoole,andtohearwhathewouldanswer;Iwantedtoaskhimplainlyifhereallybelieveditwasshewhohadmadelastnight’shideousattempt;andifso,whyhekeptherwickednessasecret.Itlittlematteredwhethermycuriosityirritatedhim;Iknewthepleasureofvexing

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andsoothinghimbyturns;itwasoneIchieflydelightedin,andasureinstinctalwayspreventedmefromgoingtoofar;beyondthevergeofprovocationIneverventured;ontheextremebrinkIlikedwelltotrymyskill.Retainingeveryminuteformofrespect,everyproprietyofmystation,Icouldstillmeethiminargumentwithoutfearoruneasyrestraint;thissuitedbothhimandme.

Atreadcreakedonthestairsatlast.Leahmadeherappearance;butitwasonlytointimatethatteawasreadyinMrs.Fairfax’sroom.ThitherIrepaired,gladatleasttogodownstairs;forthatbroughtme,Iimagined,nearertoMr.Rochester’spresence.

“Youmustwantyourtea,”saidthegoodlady,asIjoinedher;“youatesolittleatdinner.Iamafraid,”shecontinued,“youarenotwellto-day:youlookflushedandfeverish.”

“Oh,quitewell!Ineverfeltbetter.”

“Thenyoumustproveitbyevincingagoodappetite;willyoufilltheteapotwhileIknitoffthisneedle?”Havingcompletedhertask,sherosetodrawdowntheblind,whichshehadhithertokeptup,byway,Isuppose,ofmakingthemostofdaylight,thoughduskwasnowfastdeepeningintototalobscurity.

“Itisfairto-night,”saidshe,asshelookedthroughthepanes,“thoughnotstarlight;Mr.Rochesterhas,onthewhole,hadafavourabledayforhisjourney.”

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“Journey!—IsMr.Rochestergoneanywhere?Ididnotknowhewasout.”

“Oh,hesetoffthemomenthehadbreakfasted!HeisgonetotheLeas,Mr.Eshton’splace,tenmilesontheothersideMillcote.Ibelievethereisquiteapartyassembledthere;LordIngram,SirGeorgeLynn,

ColonelDent,andothers.”

“Doyouexpecthimbackto-night?”

“No—norto-morroweither;Ishouldthinkheisverylikelytostayaweekormore:whenthesefine,fashionablepeoplegettogether,theyaresosurroundedbyeleganceandgaiety,sowellprovidedwithallthatcanpleaseandentertain,theyareinnohurrytoseparate.Gentlemenespeciallyareofteninrequestonsuchoccasions;andMr.Rochesterissotalentedandsolivelyinsociety,thatIbelieveheisageneralfavourite:theladiesareveryfondofhim;thoughyouwouldnotthinkhisappearancecalculatedtorecommendhimparticularlyintheireyes:butIsupposehisacquirementsandabilities,perhapshiswealthand

goodblood,makeamendsforanylittlefaultoflook.”“ArethereladiesattheLeas?”

“ThereareMrs.Eshtonandherthreedaughters—veryelegantyoungladiesindeed;andtherearetheHonourableBlancheandMaryIngram,mostbeautifulwomen,Isuppose:indeedIhaveseenBlanche,sixorsevenyearssince,whenshewasagirlofeighteen.ShecameheretoaChristmasballandpartyMr.Rochester

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gave.Youshouldhaveseenthedining-roomthatday—howrichlyitwasdecorated,howbrilliantlylitup!Ishouldthinktherewerefiftyladiesandgentlemenpresent—allofthefirstcountyfamilies;andMiss

Ingramwasconsideredthebelleoftheevening.”“Yousawher,yousay,Mrs.Fairfax:whatwasshelike?”

“Yes,Isawher.Thedining-roomdoorswerethrownopen;and,asitwasChristmas-time,theservantswereallowedtoassembleinthehall,tohearsomeoftheladiessingandplay.Mr.Rochesterwouldhavemetocomein,andIsatdowninaquietcornerandwatchedthem.Ineversawamoresplendidscene:theladiesweremagnificentlydressed;mostofthem—atleastmostoftheyoungerones—lookedhandsome;but

MissIngramwascertainlythequeen.”

“Andwhatwasshelike?”

“Tall,finebust,slopingshoulders;long,gracefulneck:olivecomplexion,darkandclear;noblefeatures;eyesratherlikeMr.Rochester’s:largeandblack,andasbrilliantasherjewels.Andthenshehadsuchafineheadofhair;raven-blackandsobecominglyarranged:acrownofthickplaitsbehind,andinfrontthelongest,theglossiestcurlsIeversaw.Shewasdressedinpurewhite;anamber-colouredscarfwaspassedoverhershoulderandacrossherbreast,tiedattheside,anddescendinginlong,fringedendsbelowherknee.Sheworeanamber-colouredflower,too,inherhair:itcontrastedwellwiththejettymassofhercurls.”

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“Shewasgreatlyadmired,ofcourse?”

“Yes,indeed:andnotonlyforherbeauty,butforheraccomplishments.Shewasoneoftheladieswhosang:agentlemanaccompaniedheronthepiano.SheandMr.Rochestersangaduet.”

“Mr.Rochester?Iwasnotawarehecouldsing.”

“Oh!hehasafinebassvoice,andanexcellenttasteformusic.”

“AndMissIngram:whatsortofavoicehadshe?”

“Averyrichandpowerfulone:shesangdelightfully;itwasatreattolistentoher;—andsheplayedafterwards.Iamnojudgeofmusic,butMr.Rochesteris;andIheardhimsayherexecutionwasremarkablygood.”

“Andthisbeautifulandaccomplishedlady,sheisnotyetmarried?”

“Itappearsnot:Ifancyneithershenorhersisterhaveverylargefortunes.OldLordIngram’sestateswerechieflyentailed,andtheeldestsoncameinforeverythingalmost.”

“ButIwondernowealthynoblemanorgentlemanhastakenafancytoher:Mr.Rochester,forinstance.Heisrich,ishenot?”

“Oh!yes.Butyouseethereisaconsiderabledifferenceinage:Mr.Rochesterisnearlyforty;sheisbuttwenty-five.”

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“Whatofthat?Moreunequalmatchesaremadeeveryday.”

“True:yetIshouldscarcelyfancyMr.Rochesterwouldentertainanideaofthesort.Butyoueatnothing:youhavescarcelytastedsinceyoubegantea.”

“No:Iamtoothirstytoeat.Willyouletmehaveanothercup?”

IwasaboutagaintoreverttotheprobabilityofaunionbetweenMr.RochesterandthebeautifulBlanche;butAdelecamein,andtheconversationwasturnedintoanotherchannel.

Whenoncemorealone,IreviewedtheinformationIhadgot;lookedintomyheart,examineditsthoughtsandfeelings,andendeavouredtobringbackwithastricthandsuchashadbeenstrayingthroughimagination’sboundlessandtracklesswaste,intothesafefoldofcommonsense.

Arraignedatmyownbar,Memoryhavinggivenherevidenceofthehopes,wishes,sentimentsIhadbeencherishingsincelastnight—ofthegeneralstateofmindinwhichIhadindulgedfornearlyafortnightpast;Reasonhavingcomeforwardandtold,inherownquietwayaplain,unvarnishedtale,showinghowIhadrejectedthereal,andrabidlydevouredtheideal;—Ipronouncedjudgmenttothiseffect:-

ThatagreaterfoolthanJaneEyrehadneverbreathedthebreathoflife;thatamorefantasticidiothadnever

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surfeitedherselfonsweetlies,andswallowedpoisonasifitwerenectar.

“YOU,”Isaid,“afavouritewithMr.Rochester?YOUgiftedwiththepowerofpleasinghim?YOUofimportancetohiminanyway?Go!yourfollysickensme.Andyouhavederivedpleasurefromoccasionaltokensofpreference—equivocaltokensshownbyagentlemanoffamilyandamanoftheworldtoadependentandanovice.Howdaredyou?Poorstupiddupe!—Couldnotevenself-interestmakeyouwiser?Yourepeatedtoyourselfthismorningthebriefsceneoflastnight?—Coveryourfaceandbeashamed!Hesaidsomethinginpraiseofyoureyes,didhe?Blindpuppy!Opentheirblearedlidsandlookonyourownaccursedsenselessness!Itdoesgoodtonowomantobeflatteredbyhersuperior,whocannotpossiblyintendtomarryher;anditismadnessinallwomentoletasecretlovekindlewithinthem,which,ifunreturnedandunknown,mustdevourthelifethatfeedsit;and,ifdiscoveredandrespondedto,mustlead,ignis-fatus-like,intomirywildswhencethereisnoextrication.

“Listen,then,JaneEyre,toyoursentence:tomorrow,placetheglassbeforeyou,anddrawinchalkyourownpicture,faithfully,withoutsofteningonedefect;omitnoharshline,smoothawaynodispleasingirregularity;writeunderit,‘PortraitofaGoverness,disconnected,poor,andplain.’

“Afterwards,takeapieceofsmoothivory—yo