基于協(xié)同效應(yīng)提升表達(dá)能力的讀后續(xù)寫講評(píng)（以2021年6月浙江讀后續(xù)寫“第一次打工賺錢”為例)杭州二中樹蘭高級(jí)中學(xué)郭合英讀后續(xù)寫：Mydad,George,onlyhadaneighthgradeeducation.Aquietman,hedidn’tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Fromage14,heworked.Andhisdad,Albert,tookthemoneymydadearnedandusedittopayfamilyexpenses.Ididn’treallyunderstandhisworldeither：Hewasalivestocktrucker,andIthoughtthatIwouldsurpass（超過）anythinghehadaccomplishedbythetimeIwalkedacrossthestageathighschoolgraduation.Summersinthemid-70swerespentathomeshootingbaskets,hittingabaseball,orthrowingafootball,preparingformyfutureasaquarterbackonafootballteam.Inpoorweather,Ireadaboutsportsorpracticedmytrombone（長號(hào)）.ThesummerbeforemyeighthgradeIwasoneofagroupofboysthataneighboringfarmerhiredtoworkinhisfield.Heexplainedourbasictask,thetractorfiredupandwewereoff,ridingdownthefieldlookingforweedstospraywithchemicals.Afterashortway,thefarmerstoppedandpointedataweedwhichwemissed.Thenwebeganagain.Thishappenedoverandover,butwesoonlearnedtoidentifydifferentgrasseslikecockleburs,lamb’s-quarters,foxtails,andthekingofweeds,theprettypurplethistle.Itwastiringwork,butIlookedforwardtothepay,eventhoughIwasn’tsurehowmuchitwouldamountto.Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob’sabigsteptogrowingup.I’mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad’swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn’tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.注意：所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.至少使用5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語；3.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；4.續(xù)寫完成后，請(qǐng)用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語。Paragraph1:WhenIbroughtmypaycheckhome—itwas$119—mydadwantedtotalktome._____Paragraph2:IwassurprisedthatmydadallowedmetousethemoneyasIwished.________設(shè)計(jì)理念：本節(jié)課從“協(xié)同”概念為著眼點(diǎn)，從主題協(xié)同、沖突協(xié)同、語言協(xié)同、人設(shè)協(xié)同、情節(jié)協(xié)同及情感協(xié)同六個(gè)方面為切入點(diǎn)，引導(dǎo)學(xué)生基于協(xié)同效應(yīng)提升讀后續(xù)寫表達(dá)能力的提升，從而走出讀后續(xù)寫的寫作誤區(qū)，避免他們走彎路，從而快速提升讀后續(xù)寫的寫作能力。教學(xué)目標(biāo)：Basedonsynergy,theteachershelpthestudentsimprovetheabilitytowritecontinuouswriting.Afterteachingthislesson,youwill1. Whatissynergy?2. Whichaspectsshouldbeinaccordancewithoriginaltextinsynergy?3. Howtoconsistwiththeoriginalthroughanalyzingsomeexamples.教學(xué)步驟：Step1：導(dǎo)入：Lead-in：Tostimulatethestudents’interest,theteacherwillshowashortvideoontheunderstandingbetweenfatherandson.Step2:文本解讀：（1）語法填空Mydadwhoonlyhadaneighthgradeeducationwasalivestocktrucker.Hedidn’tcomprehendmycircleofschoolactivities.Heworkedformoneyattheageoffourteen.1,allhismoneymadebyhimhadtopayfamilyexpenses.I2(firm)reckonedthatIwouldsurpassanythinghe3(complete)bythetimeIwalkedacrossthestageathighschoolgraduation.Thesummerbeforemy4(eight)grade,I5(take)ontoworkasoneofjobbersinaneighboringfarm.Ourtaskistolookforweedstospraywithchemicals,soonwe6(learn)toidentifydifferentgrasses.Itwastiringwork,butIhankeredforthepay,eventhoughIwasn’tsurehowmuchitwouldamount7.However,myfathertoldmetousethemoneymadebyme8(pay)familyexpenses.Mydad’swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbe9(me)todowithasIwished.Thoughthefarmertoldmetheremightbemorework,Iwasn’t10(interest).IconcludeditwasunfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.（2）理清脈絡(luò)ElementsofElementsofthestoryStep3：Whatissynergy?Theconceptofsynergy?Whichaspectsshouldbeinaccordancewithoriginaltextinsynergy?Step4:Explainthespecificapplicationinwritingthroughsomeexamples.Accordingtotheconceptofsynergy,theteacherwillexplainthemindetailtothestudentsonebyonethroughsomeexamplestoassisttheminimprovingtheabilitytowritecontinuouswriting.Thematicsynergy主題協(xié)同Mydad,George,onlyhadaneighthgradeeducation.Aquietman,hedidn’tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Fromage14,heworked.Andhisdad,Albert,tookthemoneymydadearnedandusedittopayfamilyexpenses.……Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob’sabigsteptogrowingup.I’mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad’swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn’tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.(2)Conflictingsynergy沖突協(xié)同Mydad,George,onlyhadaneighthgradeeducation.Aquietman,hedidn’tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Fromage14,heworked.Andhisdad,Albert,tookthemoneymydadearnedandusedittopayfamilyexpenses.Ididn’treallyunderstandhisworldeither：Hewasalivestocktrucker,andIthoughtthatIwouldsurpass（超過）anythinghehadaccomplishedbythetimeIwalkedacrossthestageathighschoolgraduation.……Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob’sabigsteptogrowingup.I’mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad’swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn’tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.(3)Publicpersonasynergy人設(shè)協(xié)同Mydad,George,onlyhadaneighthgradeeducation.Aquietman,hedidn’tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Fromage14,heworked.Andhisdad,Albert,tookthemoneymydadearnedandusedittopayfamilyexpenses.Ididn'treallyunderstandhisworldeither:Hewanalivestocktrucker,andIthoughtthat1wouldsurpass(超過)anythinghehadaccomplishedbythetimeIwalkedacrossthestageathighschoolgraduation.……Afterashortway,thefarmerstoppedandpointedataweedwhichwemissed.Thenwebeganagain.Thishappenedoverandover,butwesoonlearnedtoidentifydifferentgrasseslikecockleburs,lamb's-quarters,foxtails,andthekingofweeds,theprettypurplethistle.Itwastiringwork,butIlookedforwardtothepay,eventhoughIwasn'tsurehowmuchitwouldamountto.Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob'sabigsteptogrowingup.I'mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad'swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn'tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.Emotionalsynergy情感協(xié)同……ThesummerbeforemyeighthgradeIwasoneofagroupofboysthataneighboringfarmerhiredtoworkinhisfield.Heexplainedourbasictask,thetractorfiredupandwewereoff,ridingdownthefieldlookingforweedstospraywithchemicals.Afterashortway,thefarmerstoppedandpointedataweedwhichwemissed.Thenwebeganagain.Thishappenedoverandover,butwesoonlearnedtoidentifydifferentgrasseslikecockleburs,lamb's-quarters,foxtails,andthekingofweeds,theprettypurplethistle.Itwastiringwork,butIlookedforwardtothepay,eventhoughIwasn'tsurehowmuchitwouldamountto.Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob'sabigsteptogrowingup.I'mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad'swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn'tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.Theson’semotions:Thefather’semotions:Plotsynergy情節(jié)協(xié)同Paragraph1:WhenIbroughtmypaycheckhome—itwas$119—mydadwantedtotalktome.Paragraph2:IwassurprisedthatmydadallowedmetousethemoneyasIwished.LanguageSynergy語言協(xié)同用下劃線標(biāo)出句子所用的語法靚點(diǎn)及高頻詞匯Mydad,George,onlyhadaneighthgradeeducation.Aquietman,hedidn'tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Fromage14,heworked.Andhisdad,Albert,tookthemoneymydadearnedandusedittopayfamilyexpenses.Ididn'treallyunderstandhisworldeither:Hewasalivestocktrucker,andIthoughtthatIwouldsurpass(超過)anythinghehadaccomplishedbythetimeIwalkedacrossthestageathighschoolgraduation.Summersinthemid-70swerespentathomeshootingbaskets,hittingabaseball,orthrowingafootball,preparingformyfutureasaquarterbackonafootballteam.Inpoorweather,Ireadaboutsportsorpracticedmytrombone(長號(hào)).ThesummerbeforemyeighthgradeIwasoneofagroupofboysthataneighboringfarmerhiredtoworkinhisfield.Heexplainedourbasictask,thetractorfiredupandwewereoff,ridingdownthefieldlookingforweedstospraywithchemicals.Afterashortway,thefarmerstoppedandpointedataweedwhichwemissed.Thenwebeganagain.Thishappenedoverandover,butwesoonlearnedtoidentifydifferentgrasseslikecockleburs,lamb's-quarters,foxtails,andthekingofweeds,theprettypurplethistle.Itwastiringwork,butIlookedforwardtothepay,eventhoughIwasn'tsurehowmuchitwouldamountto.Athome,mydadsaid,"Ajob'sabigsteptogrowingup.I'mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."Mydad'swordsmademerealizethatmyearningsmightnotbeminetodowithasIwished.Mylaborslastedabouttwoweeks,andthefarmersaidtheremightbemorework,butIwasn'tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.Step5詞匯積累：Toshow,nottotell生氣的表達(dá)wailing嗚咽pullalongface拉長臉smilewrylyat為……發(fā)出苦笑growled怒吼道discolored面容失色的flyintoarage暴跳如雷flyintoafury勃然大怒onthepointofexploding快要?dú)庹薱urlone’slips撅起嘴唇gointoarage大發(fā)脾氣heart-breaking令人心碎的stormoff怒氣沖沖地走了asharppainofmisery極為難過makesb.hotunderthecollar怒火沖天/勃然大怒Ifeltthelossdeeply.我非常難過。高興的表達(dá)Acackleescapedmythroat.我不禁咯咯地笑了。makeachucklingnoise輕聲地笑grinfromeartoear笑得合不攏嘴liftmeup讓我高興sighwithrelief舒了一口氣緊張的表達(dá)setmyheartracing使某人心跳不已restless坐立不安paceupanddown走來走去gulpnervously緊張地吸了一口氣breakoutinasweat突然出了一身汗形容人的anut-brownman一個(gè)褐棕色皮膚的人aplainman一個(gè)樸實(shí)的人anhonestsort一個(gè)老實(shí)人aplain-speakingman一個(gè)有話直說的人asharp-lookingman看起來很嚴(yán)肅的人apooroldwreck一個(gè)又窮又老的廢物getoffhisknees站了起來raisinghimselfonhiselbow用手肘支起身體puffingonhispipe吸著他的煙斗grim-faced面目猙獰的bloodshoteyesandswollenlips眼睛充血，眼睛腫脹loseone’sfooting失去平衡stoppinhistracks停住了腳步hobble一瘸一拐地走ambling步履蹣跚的stumpedoff步履沉重地走開了備用詞匯loomupaheadofme浮現(xiàn)在我眼前attheideaof一想到gawpat直愣愣地看著lookatmewithhopeinhiseyes充滿希望地看著我forallwewereworth拼命，竭盡全力wastemoneyterribly大肆揮霍mycouragesank我漸漸失去了勇氣ringinmyears在我耳邊回想setfootinmyhouse踏進(jìn)我的房間pluckupcourage鼓起勇氣toone’sdismay使某人驚訝的是Insidehisheadthoughtsragedlikeastorm.種種念頭令他的腦海風(fēng)起云涌speakourmindsfreelytoeachother彼此暢所欲言pangsofconscience良心的折磨ashredofguilt一絲負(fù)疚Hismindwasriddledwithguilt.他的心中充滿了內(nèi)疚。bebesideoneself情緒失控cometothinkofit想起來了Eg.Cometothinkofit,that'ssmartadviceevenforjobhunterswhoaren'tlawyers.想想看吧，這確實(shí)是一條非常明智的建議，即便是對(duì)于不做律師的求職者來說，也同樣有用。Step6:學(xué)生范文解析范文1范文點(diǎn)評(píng)：可取之處：范文點(diǎn)評(píng)：可取之處：不足之處：范文（2）可取之處：不足之處Apossibleversion：原創(chuàng)WhenIbroughtmypaycheckhome--itwas$119--mydadwantedtotalktome.ItwasthelastthingthatIwantedtotalk.withmyheartpoundingjustlikeadeer,Ihadintendedtoslipbacktomybedroomtiptoeing,whenanagedvoicesetmyheartracing,“Congratulationstoyouonthepaych