安徽2025年A10聯(lián)盟高二上讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)分析與范文

【含豐富續(xù)寫(xiě)語(yǔ)料】第二節(jié)(滿(mǎn)分25分)閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。"Iwantasuperherobirthdayparty,”mynephewEliannouncedoneeveningwhenIwasatmysister'shouse.“Okay,”repliedmysister.“Whatexactlyisasuperherobirthdayparty?""IwantBatmantocometotheparty,"Eliexplainedenthusiastically.“AndTheFlash,Spiderman,andWolverine.IwantallthekidsfrommyclasstocomeandIwantachocolatecakewithchocolatemarshmallowicecream.”“Thatseemslikealot,”mybrother-in-lawsaid.Elismiled.“Comeon,Iwantagoodpartylikeeverybodyelse,"hesaidandheadedtohisbedroomtofinishhishomework.“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”askedmysister,rollinghereyes.“Wheredidtheseideascomefrom?”“Unfortunately,theyarefromhisfriends,”Isaid.Mysisterandbrother-in-lawbothworkedweekends,soIwastheonewhotookElitohisfriends'birthdayparties.Oneboyhadapartywiththreeofthosegiantinflatable(可充氣的)housesandamagicianwhowalkedaroundonstilts(高蹺).Anotherboyhadadrone(無(wú)人機(jī))partywithallthekidsflyingactualdronesaroundthebackyardobstaclecourse.EvenIthoughtitwascool.AgirlinEli'sclasshadaprincessparty.Herparentsputupahugetentbehindthehouse,decorateditwithballoonsandtwinklelightsandhadteenagegirlsdressedingowns,carryingscepters(權(quán)杖)，whointroducedthemselvesasPrincessAnnaandPrincessElsa.“Wow,”repliedmybrother-in-law.“WhenIwasakid,oneofmyfriendsfromschoolhadapinata(彩罐)athispartyandwetalkedaboutitformonthsafterwards.”“Iremembermyfavoritebirthdayparty,”saidmysister.“Itwaswhenmycousinscameoverforpizzaandwehadasleepover.”“Mybestbirthdaywaswhenmydadtookmecampingforaweekend,"Isaid.“Birthdaysaresupposedtobefun,"complainedmysister.“Itseemslikethesesocialextravaganzas(鋪張)areturningintocompetitions.”ThenIhadanidea.注意:1.續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Ishareditwithmysisterandbrother-in-law,andtheyagreedexcitedly.Aswerestedinthecamptent,Elisaid,“Thisisanawesomebirthday,UncleDavid.”

【詞匯、語(yǔ)塊積累】explainenthusiastically--熱情地解釋brother-in-law--姐夫；妹夫；內(nèi)兄；內(nèi)弟；大伯；小叔headtohisbedroom--朝他的臥室走去rollinghereyes--

翻白眼（表不耐煩、不以為然）apartywiththreeofthosegiantinflatable(可充氣的)houses--一場(chǎng)有三個(gè)巨大充氣屋的派對(duì)

amagicianwhowalkedaroundonstilts(高蹺)--一個(gè)踩著高蹺四處走動(dòng)的魔術(shù)師withallthekidsflyingactualdrones--所有孩子都在操控真實(shí)的無(wú)人機(jī)thebackyardobstaclecourse

--后院的障礙跑道（由圍欄、跨欄等組成，供活動(dòng)使用）putupahugetent

--搭起一個(gè)巨大的帳篷twinklelights

--閃爍的小燈（常用來(lái)裝飾場(chǎng)景，營(yíng)造氛圍）haveteenagegirlsdressedingowns--讓十幾歲的女孩們穿著長(zhǎng)裙introducedthemselvesasPrincessAnnaandPrincessElsa---自稱(chēng)是安娜公主和艾莎公主（出自動(dòng)畫(huà)《冰雪奇緣》）Birthdaysaresupposedtobefun.生日本該是快樂(lè)的。故事人物該故事通過(guò)家庭互動(dòng)與生日派對(duì)的矛盾，塑造了4個(gè)形象鮮明、性格互補(bǔ)的人物，每個(gè)人物都承載著不同的角色功能與主題意義：

1.伊萊（Eli）：天真易受影響的孩子，是“價(jià)值觀成長(zhǎng)”的核心-性格特點(diǎn)：6-10歲左右的孩子，天真活潑，對(duì)“快樂(lè)”的認(rèn)知初期受同伴影響——看到朋友的“充氣屋派對(duì)”“無(wú)人機(jī)派對(duì)”，便跟風(fēng)想要“超級(jí)英雄主題派對(duì)”，體現(xiàn)出孩童常見(jiàn)的“從眾心理”；-角色作用：是故事的“成長(zhǎng)載體”，他從“追求外在熱鬧”到“珍惜內(nèi)在溫暖”的轉(zhuǎn)變，直接凸顯“物質(zhì)并非快樂(lè)核心”的主題，讓故事的價(jià)值觀傳遞更自然、有說(shuō)服力。

2.“我”（大衛(wèi)/敘述者）：細(xì)心且有智慧的引導(dǎo)者，是“解決方案”的提出者-性格特點(diǎn)：作為伊萊的舅舅，觀察力強(qiáng)——能注意到伊萊對(duì)朋友派對(duì)的羨慕，也理解姐姐姐夫“擔(dān)心鋪張”的顧慮；同時(shí)有同理心與創(chuàng)造力，沒(méi)有否定伊萊的期待，而是結(jié)合自己“露營(yíng)過(guò)生日”的美好回憶，提出“露營(yíng)派對(duì)”的替代方案，既滿(mǎn)足孩子對(duì)“特別生日”的需求，又化解了“鋪張競(jìng)爭(zhēng)”的矛盾。-角色作用：是故事的“情節(jié)推動(dòng)者”，“我”的想法串聯(lián)起前文的矛盾與后文的溫馨結(jié)局，同時(shí)作為“回憶的分享者”，用自身經(jīng)歷呼應(yīng)“簡(jiǎn)單生日更珍貴”的主題，拉近與讀者的情感距離。3.姐姐（伊萊的媽媽?zhuān)航箲]但愛(ài)孩子的家長(zhǎng)，是“現(xiàn)實(shí)矛盾”的代表

-性格特點(diǎn)：作為職場(chǎng)媽媽?zhuān)蛑苣┕ぷ鳠o(wú)法多陪伴孩子，對(duì)伊萊的“高需求派對(duì)”既無(wú)奈（“翻白眼”的動(dòng)作體現(xiàn)），又暗含愧疚——擔(dān)心滿(mǎn)足不了孩子的期待，也焦慮“派對(duì)變成社交競(jìng)爭(zhēng)”的現(xiàn)實(shí)；但本質(zhì)重視家庭溫暖，會(huì)主動(dòng)分享自己“和表親吃披薩、過(guò)夜”的生日回憶，最終支持“露營(yíng)派對(duì)”，體現(xiàn)出“以孩子快樂(lè)為重”的母愛(ài)。4.姐夫（伊萊的爸爸）：懷舊且理性的家長(zhǎng)，是“傳統(tǒng)價(jià)值觀”的呼應(yīng)者

-性格特點(diǎn)：性格溫和理性，對(duì)比自己童年“玩彩罐就開(kāi)心很久”的經(jīng)歷，暗含對(duì)“當(dāng)下鋪張派對(duì)”的不認(rèn)同，但不直接否定孩子；會(huì)積極參與露營(yíng)籌備（如后續(xù)續(xù)寫(xiě)中“一起搭帳篷、烤棉花糖”），用行動(dòng)傳遞“家庭陪伴的重要性”。姐姐與姐夫的角色作用：通過(guò)“過(guò)去與現(xiàn)在生日”的對(duì)比，強(qiáng)化“快樂(lè)本質(zhì)不變，變的是物質(zhì)包裝”的主題，同時(shí)作為“家庭協(xié)作的參與者”，讓“露營(yíng)派對(duì)”的溫馨場(chǎng)景更真實(shí)，凸顯家庭凝聚力。寫(xiě)作要點(diǎn)：1.情節(jié)發(fā)展：要承接前文“我”提出的替代鋪張派對(duì)的想法，合理展開(kāi)露營(yíng)生日派對(duì)的籌備與進(jìn)行過(guò)程。需體現(xiàn)出從準(zhǔn)備物資、前往營(yíng)地，到在營(yíng)地開(kāi)展活動(dòng)（如搭建帳篷、徒步、烹飪等）的連貫情節(jié)，讓故事自然推進(jìn)。2.人物情感：重點(diǎn)刻畫(huà)Eli的情感變化，從一開(kāi)始可能對(duì)非“超級(jí)英雄”式派對(duì)的期待，到參與露營(yíng)活動(dòng)時(shí)的興奮、驚喜，再到最后發(fā)出“這是超棒的生日”的感慨，要通過(guò)細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)（如神態(tài)、動(dòng)作、語(yǔ)言）來(lái)展現(xiàn)他的愉悅與滿(mǎn)足。同時(shí)，“我”、姐姐和姐夫的積極參與以及看到Eli開(kāi)心時(shí)的欣慰之情也應(yīng)有所體現(xiàn)。3.主題表達(dá)：緊扣“簡(jiǎn)單而有意義的生日派對(duì)勝過(guò)鋪張的社交盛宴”這一主題。通過(guò)露營(yíng)過(guò)程中親近自然、家人互動(dòng)等情節(jié)，突出親情、自然之美帶來(lái)的快樂(lè)，與前文提到的那些花費(fèi)高昂、追求表面熱鬧的派對(duì)形成對(duì)比，深化主題。4.語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格：使用生動(dòng)形象的語(yǔ)言，描繪自然景色（如新鮮空氣、美麗的樹(shù)林、夜晚的星空等）和人物活動(dòng)場(chǎng)景，增強(qiáng)畫(huà)面感。運(yùn)用符合人物身份的對(duì)話，使人物形象更鮮活，讓故事更具感染力。主題1：

對(duì)“快樂(lè)本質(zhì)”的重構(gòu)Eli因“搭建木筏”“追逐螢火蟲(chóng)”“聽(tīng)星空故事”感到滿(mǎn)足，打破了“越昂貴越快樂(lè)”的認(rèn)知，升華主題意義：真誠(chéng)的陪伴、自然的體驗(yàn)，比外在的排場(chǎng)更能帶來(lái)長(zhǎng)久的幸福感。主題2：對(duì)“家庭關(guān)系”的喚醒續(xù)寫(xiě)中“我”、姐姐、姐夫共同參與露營(yíng)籌備，展現(xiàn)了“協(xié)作式家庭互動(dòng)”。與前文“父母忙于工作，委托他人帶孩子參加派對(duì)”的狀態(tài)形成對(duì)比。呼應(yīng)了現(xiàn)代家庭中“陪伴缺失”的現(xiàn)實(shí)痛點(diǎn)，引發(fā)讀者共鳴。升華主題意義：強(qiáng)調(diào)家庭的溫暖在于“共同創(chuàng)造回憶”，主題3：

對(duì)“成長(zhǎng)教育”的隱性引導(dǎo)Eli的轉(zhuǎn)變（從“跟風(fēng)要派對(duì)”到“珍惜露營(yíng)時(shí)光”），是一次“價(jià)值觀的自然成長(zhǎng)”。續(xù)寫(xiě)未通過(guò)說(shuō)教強(qiáng)行改變角色，而是讓Eli在體驗(yàn)中自主領(lǐng)悟——這種“通過(guò)實(shí)踐引導(dǎo)成長(zhǎng)”的方式取得了成功。升華主題意義：：對(duì)孩子的價(jià)值觀培養(yǎng)，無(wú)需刻意灌輸，可通過(guò)生活化的體驗(yàn)讓其自主感知，效果更深刻持久。寫(xiě)作思路1：父子的木筏奇遇

Ishareditwithmysisterandbrother-in-law,andtheyagreedexcitedly.Thenextmorning,wedrovetoaquietlakesurroundedbytallpines.Eli’seyeslitupwhenhesawthewater.“Canwebuildaraft?”heasked.Mybrother-in-lawsmiledandnodded.Wecollectedlogsandtiedthemwithstrongvines.Elihelpedcarrysmallbranches,hisfaceglowingwithsweat.Whentheraftwasready,wepusheditintothelake.Elisatinthemiddle,holdingapaddle.“Look,I’mCaptainEli!”heshouted.Werowedtoasmallisland,wherewefoundwildflowersandanoldtreehouse.Eli’slaughterechoedasheclimbedup,wavingatus.

Aswerestedinthecamptent,Elisaid,“Thisisanawesomebirthday,UncleDavid.”Hepulledoutapinecone(松球)he’dfound,proudlyshowingoffits“secretscales.”“Tomorrow,canwebuildabiggerraft?”Mybrother-in-lawruffledhishair.“Sure,butfirst,let’sroastmarshmallows.”Thatnight,Elifellasleepholdingthepinecone,dreamingofnewadventures.

LookingatEli'ssleepingface,Irealizedthatsincerecompanionshipandexperiencesinnaturebringmorelastinghappinessthanexpensiveitems.Theinflatablehousesanddronesthatrequirepilesofmoneymaybringtemporaryexcitement,buttheycan'tleavelong-lastingmemories.However,thewarmmomentslikechattingwithfamily,workingtogethertobuildaraft,andsharingstoriesunderthestarrynight—thesecompanionshipshiddenindetails,alongwiththenaturalexperiencesoftouchingapineconeandlisteningtoinsects'singingwithourownhandsandears—arethewarmththattakesrootinourmemories.寫(xiě)作思路2：螢火蟲(chóng)的驚喜

Ishareditwithmysisterandbrother-in-law,andtheyagreedexcitedly.Onthewaytothecampsite,

thesunsetpaintingtheskyinsoftorangesandpinks,mysisterwhispered,“Let’smakeafireflyjarforEli.

He’llgocrazyforit.”Westoppedatagrasslandatdusk.Firefliesdancedliketinystars.Eliheldhisbreath,chasingthemwithanet.“Catchone!

Catchone!”hecried.Mysisterkneltdownbesidehim,herhandscuppedgently,lettingitglowonEli’spalm.“Seethat?”shesaid,hervoicewarm.“They’renature’sbirthdaylights,

justforyou.”shesaid.Backatcamp,wehungthejaroutsidethetent.Thatnight,Elicurledupinhissleepingbag,watchingthejarcastasoft,steadyglowonthetentwall.

Aswerestedinthecamptent,Elisaid,“Thisisanawesomebirthday,UncleDavid.”Elipointedtothefireflyjarontheground.“UncleDavid,thisisanawesomebirthday,”hesaid,hisvoicesincere.Thenhefrownedalittle,reachingforthejar.“Canweletthemgotomorrow?Theymustmisstheirfamily.”Mysisterlaughed,brushingafewhairsfromhisforehead.“Ofcourse—home’swheretheirfamilyis,right?”Thenextmorning,wewalkedbacktothatsamegrassland.Eliuncoveredthelidslowly,holdingthejaruptothesunlight.Onebyone,thefirefliesdriftedout,theirglowdimmingastheyjoinedthesurroundingtreesandgrass.Hestoodstill,watchinguntilthelastonedisappeared,thenturnedtouswithabig,toothysmile.“Best.Party.Ever,”hesaid,wrappinghisarmsaroundmysister’swaist.“EvenbetterthanBatmancoming.”寫(xiě)作思路3：星空下的秘密

Ishareditwithmysisterandbrother-in-law,andtheyagreedexcitedly.Mybrother-in-lawevendugoutanoldstarmapfromhiscloset,saying,“Perfectforthetrip.”Bythetimewearrivedatthecamp,thesunhadsetbelowthetrees,paintingtheskyindeeppurples.Wespreadablanketonthesoftgrass,andmybrother-in-lawlaidthestarmapout,pointingupatthebrightstars.“Seethosesevenbrighteststarsinaline?That’slikeaspoon.Ifyoufollowthemdown,that’sitshandle,”hesaid,tracingtheshapewithhisfinger.Elileanedforward,elbowsonhisknees,eyeswideassaucers.“CanyoufindBatman’ssymbol?Isituptheretoo?”Weallburstoutlaughing;mysistershookherhead,laughing.“HowaboutItellyouasillystoryinstead?”SheturnedtoEli.“WhenyourUncleDavidwasyourage,helookedupatthestarsandsworeitwasagiantspoon—saiditwas‘forstirringthemoon’shotcocoa.’”Elilaughedsohardthathefellbackontheblanket,pointingatme.“UncleDavidwassilly!”Ileanedovertoticklehissidesuntilhebegg