期中考試的讀后續(xù)寫：線索的照應(yīng)（圣誕節(jié)的男孩泡泡）綜述：這篇作文初看起來比較好些，但實(shí)際上很難寫好。原因在于，學(xué)生沒有牢記讀后續(xù)寫的重點(diǎn)是：融洽和銜接。文章的conflict是：HowdidIhelptheboybuythesoapbubbles?解決的方法是：Igavehimthetencents.主題是：bekindandhelpfultoothers。但很多學(xué)生寫成了，小男孩沒有買bubbles，而是買其它東西，譬如鮮花，送給妹妹或者我，表示感謝。甚至還有人寫妹妹得病了，或者媽媽得病了。這些不是說不可以寫，但是在狹小的空間內(nèi)要另起鍋灶，不是讀后續(xù)寫中提倡的。讀后續(xù)寫需要嚴(yán)格遵守原來的故事情節(jié)線，不要隨意增加人物，也不要把矛盾給徹底避開。其次，讀后續(xù)寫要有線索意識，把文章中的線索都挑出來，并且通過線索照應(yīng)主題。這樣的作文才是精致動人的。譬如文章的線索是：我對圣誕節(jié)的感受：Ithadbeenoneofthosedayswhennothinggoesright.ItcausedmetothinkbacktothetimewhenIenjoyedChristmas.Thatwastwoyearsago,beforeIwentworkhere.Somehowsincethattime,Christmasdidn’tmeanmuchanymore,exceptmoreworkandheadaches.那么文章要實(shí)現(xiàn)升華，必然在最后要說明，我的消極感受逆轉(zhuǎn)了，需要通過某種直接或間接的方式來照應(yīng)。還有一些隱含的線索：AndIstillhadtofinishmyChristmasshoppingthatevening.securitytoldustowatchkidsforstealing.“Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit,”hewhisperedbeforeIcouldevenanswer.第一個說明了，我還要這天去買圣誕禮物。如果這點(diǎn)考慮了，那就會想到：我最后也去買圣誕禮物，并且感受到了圣誕的精神。和幫助小男孩的快樂結(jié)合起來，實(shí)際就是：贈人玫瑰，手有余香。還有一個最大的問題就是，學(xué)生對每一段的內(nèi)容主要情節(jié)想的太復(fù)雜了，實(shí)際上lessismore。從第二段的提示句就可以知道：小男孩在第一段里有了足夠的錢，并且離開我去買禮物去了。有的人避開文章主要矛盾，就會寫這個錢是他放棄買bubbles去買便宜的東西。實(shí)際上第一段主要情節(jié)就是：小男孩如何有了錢？答案就兩個：我給的。（因?yàn)榫蛢蓚€人物，也不不允許增加第三者。）剩下問題就是：我怎么給他錢。這個可以是自由想象了。第二段主要寫：小男孩買禮物和妹妹見到后的互動，注意前面有線索，他不想讓妹妹知道。所以這里面就大有文章可做了。我作為旁觀者，看到我的幫助給他們帶來了這么多的快樂，我如何感受？但是有些同學(xué)想不通我為什么也快樂和感動？其實(shí)，這就是缺少同理心的表現(xiàn)了。讀后續(xù)寫是需要一點(diǎn)生活經(jīng)驗(yàn)的。包括很多學(xué)生也無法理解，這一對兄妹怎么對待禮物，譬如妹妹看到禮物馬上撲過去。這都是生活中的常情，但由于現(xiàn)在很多孩子是獨(dú)生子女，就無法想象，更不用說去理解了。這樣他們就沒法寫出很感人生動的畫面。至于后面我寫我去寫我也和孩子一樣吹肥皂泡，學(xué)生也感覺不可思議：成年人怎么會像小孩子一樣吹肥皂泡？其實(shí)每個成年人的心底都有一個孩子的童心。所謂：歸來不忘少年。連蘇軾都說：老夫聊發(fā)少年狂。通過這次寫作，發(fā)現(xiàn)學(xué)生的語文閱讀積累真的不容樂觀，也側(cè)面導(dǎo)致了想象力的發(fā)散。學(xué)生的想象力不是說不豐富，而是說缺少美學(xué)意義上的想象或者是人文氣息。閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的短文。續(xù)寫的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150詞左右。Ithadbeenoneofthosedayswhennothinggoesright.Iwasdueatworkat8o’clock,butIwastenminuteslatebecauseIoverslept.Iwentstraighttomyregularpost-thetoydepartment.ItwastwodaysbeforeChristmasandthedepartmentwasamess.ItcausedmetothinkbacktothetimewhenIenjoyedChristmas.Thatwastwoyearsago,beforeIwentworkhere.Somehowsincethattime,Christmasdidn’tmeanmuchanymore,exceptmoreworkandheadaches.Thewholeday,Iwascursed,yelledatandsteppedon.AndIstillhadtofinishmyChristmasshoppingthatevening.Ihadjustfinishedexplainingtoamanwhywedidn’tsellfirecrackers,whenIfeltatugonmyarm.ItwasoneofthetwokidsIhadbeenkeepinganeyeonforawhile---securitytoldustowatchkidsforstealing.Heandhislittlesisterhadbeenlookingatthe“discount”counter,wherewehadallthecheapesttoys.BeforeIevenbentdowntolistentohim,Icheckedaroundforhissister.Ididn’tseeher.Mister,doyouthinkthiswouldbeagoodpresentformylittlesister?”hesaidinabrokenaccent,holdingupabottleofsoapbubbleliquid.“Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit,”hewhisperedbeforeIcouldevenanswer.Ijustagreedwithhim.Hestuckhishandinthepocketofhisdirtyjeansandpulledoutafistfulofchange,askingifhehadenoughmoneytopayforit.“Itlookslikeyou’llhavetotrytofindsomethingelse,”Isaid.“Youneedtenmorecents.”Idoubteditwasatrick,especiallyatChristmas.Helookedsadandwentbacktofindsomethingelse.Iwatchedhimfromthecornerofmyeyeforawhileashelookedatotheritems,butalwayscamebacktothesoapbubbles.IlefttheareaforafewminutesandwhenIcamebackhewasstillthere,tryingtofindacheapergift.Somehow,thekidstruckmeasdifferentfrommostthetroublemakerswegotinthetoydepartment.Paragraph1:Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.圖片我的下水文：Paragraph1:Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hecrouchedinacornershakinghisheadspeechless,disappointmentmappedonhisface.（銜接寫theboy,寫他的失望和無奈，我覺得蹲在地上是經(jīng)典的。）Istrokedhishead,awaveofsympathywellingupinme.（我的反應(yīng)：同情）Iwhisperedtohiminamysteriousvoice,“Now,closeyoureyesandIwillpracticemagicforyou.”（抖包袱開始了：小孩子喜歡魔法，所以抖包袱圍繞小孩子的特點(diǎn)）Hescratchedhisheadbutdidit.（小男孩的困惑）Isneakedtencentsintohispocketandtoldhimtocheckit.（解開包袱）Hepinchedhishandhardonlytofindhewasnotdreaming.Afterthankingme,heranawayasswiftlyasarabbit.（小男孩的反應(yīng)，同時和下文銜接）Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.Heshoulderedhiswaytotheareaofbubbleliquidandsooncameoutwithagiftbaglikeaking.（銜接上句，寫小男孩的神氣：likeaking）Hislittlesisterjustwaitedoutsideandeagerlypouncedonit,eyessparklingwithexcitement,buttheboyheldthebagtightly,exclaiming,“Itisn’tthetime.”（寫妹妹和哥哥的互動，必須把兩個人的天真可愛刻畫出來，這里面需要有一些生活經(jīng)驗(yàn)。）Somehowtherestofthedaywentmuchbetter.（寫我的心情，這一段和前文照應(yīng)）Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents.（繼續(xù)照應(yīng)線索）Iblewit,chasingtheflyingbubbleswithchildlikeinterest.（我深受白天孩子的感染，也吹泡泡）ForthefirsttimeinthreeyearsChristmasspiritcrawledupmyheartagain.（照應(yīng)前文線索，突出主題。這樣的結(jié)尾不是那么直接點(diǎn)明主題內(nèi)容）最后三句也可以用下面的哲理話語：Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents,remindingmyselfthatevenasmallactofkindnesscanmakeabigdifferencetoothers,andmostimportantlytomyself.完整的原文：Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hecrouchedinacornershakinghisheadspeechless,disappointmentmappedonhisface.Istrokedhishead,awaveofsympathywellingupinme.Iwhisperedtohiminamysteriousvoice,“Now,closeyoureyesandIwillpracticemagicforyou.”Hescratchedhisheadbutdidit.Isneakedtencentsintohispocketandtoldhimtocheckit.Hepinchedhishandhardonlytofindhewasnotdreaming.Afterthankingme,heranawayasswiftlyasarabbit.Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.Heshoulderedhiswaytotheareaofbubbleliquidandsooncameoutwithagiftbaglikeaking.Hislittlesisterjustwaitedoutsideandeagerlypouncedonit,eyessparklingwithexcitement,buttheboyheldthebagtightly,exclaiming,“Itisn’tthetime.”Somehowtherestofthedaywentmuchbetter.Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents.Iblewit,chasingtheflyingbubbleswithchildlikeinterest.ForthefirsttimeinthreeyearsChristmasspiritcrawledupmyheartagain.原文小說作者的結(jié)尾（上文適當(dāng)參考了這個里面思想）：Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hejustshookhisheadandlookedverydisappointed.“Well,let’sseehowmuchmoneyyouhaveagain,”Isaid.Hedumpedthechangeinwiththetwodi