讀后續(xù)寫:微笑的力量Kathywasayoungwomaninher20'swhoworkedinasmallrestaurantasawaitress.Oneday,asshewentabouthershiftwithherusualangrylook,akindoldmanwalkedinandsatdownatthecounterHereadthemenuandpolitelytoldherwhathewantedKathytookhisorderandyelled,"Yourfoodwillbereadysoon..”Assheturnedtoleave.themansaid"Asmilecostsnothing.”Kathyrolledhereyesathimandwalkedaway.Shebroughthisorder,clearedhisplates,andgavehimthebill,forwhichheleftanicetip.Eachtimetheoldmansawherhesmiledandthankedher.Thisonlymadeherangrier.Aweekwentby,andeverydaythemancameforlunchandthesamethinghappened.AndeachtimeKathytookhisorderhewouldsay"Asmilecostsnothing.Butaweeklater,Kathypickedupamenu,wrotethewords“]SMILE...$20”atthebottom,andplaceditonthecounterforthekindoldmantosee.Hecame,andKathywaitedforhisreactionashereadthemenu.Theoldmanmadehisusualorderandadded."...Andasmile.ifyoudon'tmind."Kathywassosurprised.Shelaughedoutloud"Nownow..."Themanjokinglyscolded1orderedasmile,notalaugh.SoKathyputonabrightsmileandsaid,"Comingrightup,Sir.”Andtohersurprise,heleft$20tip!AfewyearswentbyandthetwobondedlikefamilyChariethekindoldmanwasaretiredmanagerwhosewifepassedawaylongago.Hespentmostofhistimeathome.withtheexceptionofhisfrequentrestaurantvisits.EverydayKathyspentherbreaktalkingtohim.文章主題Thethemeofthisstoryisthepowerofkindnessandtheimportanceofasmile這個(gè)故事的主題是仁落的力量以及微笑的重要性。文章中的好句式1.狀語1+狀語2+并列動(dòng)作(謂語)1.Oneday.asshewentabouthershiftwithherusualangrylook,akindoldmanwalkedinandsatdownatthecounter2.并列作(謂語)(1Hereadthemenuandpolitelytoldherwhathewanted(2)Kathytookhisorderandyelled,"Yourfoodwillbereadysoon.?(3Kathyrolledherevesathimandwalkedaway.”SoKathyputonabrightsmileandsaid,"Comingrightup,Sir..(5)Theoldmanmadehisusualorderandadded"...Andasmile.ifyoudon'tmind.(6)Eachtimetheoldmansawherhesmiledandthankedher.語+動(dòng)3.動(dòng)作鏈(1)Shebroughthisorder,clearedhisplates,andgavehimthebill,forwhichheleftanicetip動(dòng)作鏈+定從Butaweeklater,Kathypickedupamenu,wrotethewords1SMILE...$20”atthebottom,andplaceditonthecounterforthekindoldmantosee.4.并列簡單1)Hecame,andKathywaitedforhisreactionashereadthemenu.并列簡單句+狀從2)Afewyearswentby.andthetwobondedlikefamily5.同位語+定從Charlie.thekindoldman,wasaretiredmanagerwhosewifepassedawaylongago.簡單+狀從Hespentmostofhistimeathome,withtheexceptionofhisfrequentrestaurantVisitsParagraph1:Onedayhedidn'tcometotherestaurant參考情節(jié):凱茜沒法集中注意力工作鄰居告知他昨晚已經(jīng)去世知道查理一直跟癌癥斗爭葬禮上回憶不斷閃現(xiàn)ParagraphSeveraldaysafterthefuneralKathyreceivedaveryimportant-lookingletterinthemail參考情節(jié):打開信，查理表達(dá)了凱茜陪伴他的感激之情，凱茜感動(dòng)凱茜明白由于查理的幫助自己的變化，意識(shí)到微笑的真正含義修改過程:Para.1:Onedayhedidn'tcometotherestaurant.1.KathystandingbythecounterhereyeswerefixedonthedoorsearchingforeveryhintofCharlie'sappearancebutinvain.(這句話的結(jié)構(gòu)沒有毛病,感覺還挺好的:有獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu),有分詞作狀語還有轉(zhuǎn)折,用詞也不錯(cuò)但是個(gè)人覺得,把站這個(gè)動(dòng)作做主動(dòng)作,把眼睛盯著門作為伴隨動(dòng)作(種態(tài))更恰當(dāng)。)Kathystoodbythecounterhereyes______thedoorforany.________ofCharlie'sarrivalbutinwain.2.Astimeslowlytickedawaytheinitialanxietyandfidgety(坐立不實(shí)的)convertedintoworryandconcern.(超綱詞適當(dāng)點(diǎn)綴下就行,盡量用我們學(xué)過的,用詞關(guān)鍵在準(zhǔn)確;anxietyandrestlessness無靈主+gavewayto有靈動(dòng)詞)Astimeslowlytickedby,theinitial_________and(不安)_________gradually____________worryandconcern3.whathashappenedtohim?Whydoesn'thecomeoratleasttellmethathecan'tcomeduetoother(應(yīng)該是直接心理描寫,字?jǐn)?shù)需要縮藏)things?Whydoesn'thecome?shethought.4.Pickingupaglanceatcustomerschattingbeside,Kathywithsurprisenoticethesorrowwrittenontheirface.(beside介詞后須跟上賓語;用besurprisedtodosth,這個(gè)結(jié)構(gòu)更好;face需要加s)Castingaglanceatcustomerschattingbesideher.Kathywassurprisedtonoticethesorrowwrittenontheirfaces.結(jié)構(gòu)再提升:Suddenly,Kathyspotted,whenshethecustomerschattingbesideherthesorrowontheirfaces.5.Afewwordswaftedintoherearsfromwhichshecaughtmessagesoftheoldman.Beingasked.thecustomerstoldKathythedeathoftheoldmanandhisfuneraltoday.beingdone表正在進(jìn)行+被動(dòng),顯然有問題passaway比death更委婉Afewwordswaftedintodriftedintoherears,fromwhichshecaughtmessagesabouttheoldman.Whenasked,thecustomerstoldKathythattheoldmanhadpassedawayandhisfuneralwastoday.結(jié)構(gòu)再提升:Afewwords(飄進(jìn))________Kathy'sears，_______shegleanedmessagesabouttheoldman.__________(ask)thecustomersinformedherthattheoldmanhadpassedawayandhisfuneralwastobeheldthatday7.ThatnightKathywenttothefuneral.asstillasasculpture.withgriefandremorsementswellinginhermindThatnightKathywenttothefuneral.Herfacewasassadasa________(靜止不動(dòng)的）marblesculpture.Herheartheavywith___________(悲傷)and_______(后悔).8.IfonlyIgavehimonemoresmile(Ifony引導(dǎo)與過去相反的虛擬語氣)IfonlyI_______(give)himonemoresmile.Para.2.Severaldaysafterthefuneral,Kathyreceivedaveryimportant-lookingletterinthemail1.GingerlyopeneditwithshakinghandKathyfoundCharlie'shandwrittenwords(opened無論是過去式或過去分詞都不對(duì),因?yàn)檫壿嬛髡Z是Kathy)Kathy_____________(小心地)openedtheenvelopewith________(顫抖的)handsandfoundCharlie's______________(手寫的)wordsinside.并列動(dòng)作2.Tearssprangupfrombehindtheeyesandstreameddownhercheeks.(并列動(dòng)作挺好)Tears__________hereyesand__________hercheeks3."Thankyouforinstillingmewithhopeandhappinesseveryday.Yoursmilealwayseasedmelikeasoftbreeze,bringingsparkstothedarknessofmylife.”((everyday應(yīng)該為everyday;微風(fēng)不能帶來sparks犯了邏輯錯(cuò)誤Yoursmileislike_____________(一縷陽光)__________(照亮了)thedarknessofmylife(注入了）mewithhopeandhappinesseveryday.參考答案Paragraph1:Onedayhedidn'tcometotherestaurantKathycouldn'tconcentrateonherworkthewholeday.Evenwhentherestaurantwasgoingtoclose,Charliedidn'tshowup,andshewastrappedinanxietyAfterworkKathyhurriedtoCharlie'shome.onlytobetoldbyhisneighborsthathehadpassedawaylastnight.Notuntilthendidsheknowthathehadfoughtagainstcanceraloneduringthepastyears.Kathycouldn'ttrustherearswhensheheardthis.Shewastotallyoverwhelmedbygrief.AtCharlie'sfuneral,thehappymemorieswithCharliekeptflashinginhermind.Paragrap