寫作專項(xiàng)高分升級(jí)案Part2典例示范英語2022閱讀下面材料,根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段,使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。(2020·新高考全國(guó)Ⅰ卷)TheMeredithfamilylivedinasmallcommunity.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.Manyoftheirfamilieswerestrugglingtomakeendsmeet.Peopleweretryingtohelpeachothermeetthechallenges.MrsMeredithwasamostkindandthoughtfulwoman.Shespentagreatdealoftimevisitingthepoor.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.Thelittleboy—hisnamewasBernard—hadinterestedherverymuch.“Iwishyoucouldseehim,”shesaidtoherownchildren,John,Harry,andClara.“Heissuchahelptohismother.Hewantsverymuchtoearnsomemoney,butIdon’tseewhathecando.”Aftertheirmotherlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.“Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney,”saidClara.“Hisfamilyissufferingsomuch.”“SodoI,”saidHarry.“Wereallyshoulddosomethingtoassistthem.”Forsomemoments,Johnsaidnothing,but,suddenly,hesprangtohisfeetandcried,“Ihaveagreatidea!Ihaveasolutionthatwecanallhelpaccomplish(完成).”Theotherchildrenalsojumpedupallattention.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.“Itellyouwhatwecando,”saidJohn.“YouknowthatbigboxofcornUncleJohnsentus?Well,wecanmakepopcorn(爆米花),andputitintopaperbags,andBernardcantakeitaroundtothehousesandsellit.”注意:1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。When

Mrs

Meredith

heard

of

John’s

idea,she

thought

it

was

a

good

one,too.

With

everything

ready,Bernard

started

out

on

his

new

business.

【語篇解讀】這是2020年新高考全國(guó)I卷的讀后續(xù)寫,語篇文體為記敘文。文章講述了一戶善良人家的三個(gè)孩子在母親的影響下,開始想辦法幫助鎮(zhèn)上一個(gè)貧困家庭的孩子掙錢的故事。約翰是其中的一個(gè)孩子,他想出了“制作爆米花讓那個(gè)貧困的孩子去賣”的好主意。語篇故事積極向上,充滿正能量。故事中的人物善良聰明,在思想和行動(dòng)上都樹立了很好的榜樣。在閱讀文章時(shí),我們要帶著when、where、who、what、why和how去理清語篇內(nèi)容和故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展脈絡(luò)。在梳理故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的脈絡(luò)時(shí),我們要把握三條線索:時(shí)間線、故事情節(jié)線和情感發(fā)展線。時(shí)間線:①Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.→②Aftertheirmotherlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.→③Forsomemoments,Johnsaidnothing,but,suddenly,hesprangtohisfeetandcried,“Ihaveagreatidea!...”→④WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.→⑤WhenMrsMeredithheardofJohn’sidea,shethoughtitwasagoodone,too.故事情節(jié)線:故事背景:Meredith一家住在一個(gè)小社區(qū)里。由于經(jīng)濟(jì)衰退,城里有些人失業(yè)了,許多家庭都在努力維持生計(jì)。人們?cè)噲D互相幫助以應(yīng)對(duì)挑戰(zhàn)。在社會(huì)經(jīng)濟(jì)蕭條的環(huán)境下,大家仍保留著自己的善良,互相幫助。文中媽媽MrsMeredith一直樂于助人。一個(gè)充滿愛心的媽媽,身體力行,在自己的三個(gè)孩子心中播種了愛和善良的種子。雖然文章沒有詳述,但顯而易見,媽媽的善良對(duì)孩子產(chǎn)生了積極的影響,所以當(dāng)她給孩子們講述了Bernard小男孩一家的情況后,三個(gè)孩子John,Harry和Clara非常希望幫助他,并且確實(shí)想出了一個(gè)好主意——把家里的玉米做成爆米花,讓Bernard在社區(qū)售賣。情感發(fā)展線:通過微觀結(jié)構(gòu)的分析,獲取文章的內(nèi)部連貫性,即可交叉兩家人的情感線索:Meredith樂于幫助,而Bernard需要幫助。通過互動(dòng),雙方都得償所愿,情感自然是激動(dòng)、感激相互交織?！径问拙浣庾x】讀后續(xù)寫所給的段首句規(guī)劃了我們的寫作思路和框架。因此,在寫作前必須仔細(xì)研究?jī)啥蔚拈_頭語。續(xù)寫第一段的段首語提到MrsMeredith也同意John的主意,那接下來就會(huì)涉及把計(jì)劃告訴Bernard一家、他們有什么反應(yīng)以及如何制作爆米花。第二段段首語提到Bernard開始他的新營(yíng)生,接下來就應(yīng)該著重描寫B(tài)ernard這個(gè)窮苦的孩子是如何去賣爆米花的,以及他的收入情況,更要表達(dá)出他的喜悅和對(duì)MrsMeredith一家的感激之情?！緦懽魉悸贰繉懽魉悸返拇_定必須遵循故事發(fā)展的時(shí)間線、情節(jié)線和情感發(fā)展線。首先要確定文章的故事情節(jié),然后再考慮情感的鋪墊。故事情節(jié)一般要有兩個(gè)左右的人物、事件和場(chǎng)景。這樣,一方面可以避免情節(jié)浮于表面或者過于簡(jiǎn)單,另一方面也可以有空間進(jìn)行生動(dòng)細(xì)致的描寫。思路①當(dāng)MrsMeredith聽到約翰的主意時(shí),她也認(rèn)為這是個(gè)好主意。很快,孩子們就忙著做爆米花,而他們的媽媽則出去買紙袋。當(dāng)她回來時(shí),她把Bernard帶來了。Bernard很高興參加這項(xiàng)工作,他說:“好主意!”他們一起工作,直到準(zhǔn)備好的玉米全部做成爆米花,并用紙袋裝好,放在籃子里。一切就緒后,Bernard開始了他的新生意。比預(yù)期的要快得多,他帶著一個(gè)空籃子回來了。他這輩子從來沒有掙過這么多錢。幾個(gè)星期以來,Meredith一家一直向Bernard提供爆米花。人們開始關(guān)注這個(gè)“爆米花小男孩”,每周他至少有20美元可以帶回家,這對(duì)他和他的家人來說是一筆可觀的收入。所有這些都要?dú)w功于約翰想出的好主意。思路②當(dāng)MrsMeredith聽到約翰的主意時(shí),她也認(rèn)為這是個(gè)好主意。所以她稱贊約翰的建議,并給他一些建議。很快孩子們就忙著做爆米花了,而他們的母親則出去買紙袋。當(dāng)她回來時(shí),她把Bernard帶來了。所有的孩子都圍在Bernard的周圍,他們給Bernard準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)籃子?；@子里裝滿了裝滿爆米花的紙袋。一切就緒后,Bernard開始了他的新生意。比預(yù)期的要快得多,Bernard帶著空籃子回來了。他這輩子從來沒有掙過這么多錢。當(dāng)他發(fā)現(xiàn)這一切都屬于他的時(shí)候,他高興得幾乎說不出話來,但他那明朗的笑臉表達(dá)了他的內(nèi)心所想。人們開始關(guān)注這個(gè)每周都掙點(diǎn)錢帶回家的“爆米花小男孩”。這一切都是因?yàn)榧s翰的好主意?！痉段男蕾p1】When

Mrs

Meredith

heard

of

John’s

idea,she

thought

it

was

a

good

one,too.Verysoon,thechildrenwerebusypoppingthecorn,whiletheirmotherwentouttobuythepaperbags.Whenshecameback,shebroughtBernardwithher.Bernardwasverygladtojoinintheworkandsaid,“Sogoodanidea!I’lltryrightnow.”Theyworkedtogetheruntilallthecorntheypreparedwaspopped,thepaperbagsfilledandarrangedinthebasket.With

everything

ready,Bernard

started

out

on

his

new

business.Muchsoonerthanexpected,hereturnedwithanemptybasket.Hehadneverearnedsomuchmoneybeforeinhislife.Formanyweeks,theMeredithfamilycontinuedtoofferpopcorntoBernard.Peoplebegantowatchforthe“l(fā)ittlepopcornboy”,andeveryweekhehadatleasttwentydollars,asignificantincomeforhimandhisfamily,totakehome.AllofthiswasthankstothegoodideathatJohncameupwith.【點(diǎn)評(píng)1】本文篇幅充實(shí),語言豐富,情節(jié)向前發(fā)展,符合原文邏輯,體現(xiàn)了作者的寫作目的。作者用樸實(shí)、細(xì)膩、形象的語言描寫了孩子們對(duì)Bernard的幫助以及Bernard賣爆米花的過程。情感方面的描寫主要體現(xiàn)在Bernard的心理變化上,隨著故事的發(fā)展,Bernard每周至少有20美元可以帶回家補(bǔ)貼家用,而且他充滿了對(duì)約翰的感激之情。全文沒有用高大上的詞匯渲染,但是像busypoppingthecorn,wasverygladtojoin,Muchsoonerthanexpected,continuedtooffer,thankstothegoodidea...等詞的靈活運(yùn)用給讀者“小橋流水”的感覺?！痉段男蕾p2】When

Mrs

Meredith

heard

of

John’s

idea,she

thought

it

was

a

good

one,too.SoshepraisedJohnforhisproposal,andofferedhimsomeadvice.Verysoonthechildrenwerebusypoppingthecorn,whiletheirmotherwentouttobuythepaperbags.Whenshecameback,shebroughtBernardwithher.AllthechildrencamesurroundingBernardandtheygaveabaskettoBernard.Thebasketwasfullofpaperbagswhichwerefilledwithpopcorn.With

everything

ready,Bernard

started

out

on

his

new

business.Andmuchsoonerthancouldbe