用“十句五定法”來寫2023年1月浙江卷When(time)What(conflict沖突)

Where

Emotionalchange

Who(characters)

Theme（主題）讀后續(xù)寫三步驟步驟一：讀（4分鐘）閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend'sfarminwesternWashington.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindowcaughtmyattention,soIenteredit.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鳥),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛網(wǎng))andwithabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.Withthebirdinmycuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshe'dgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikelyanswer.Istuffedapieceofclothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.WhenIopenedmyhand,thebirddidnotflyaway;shesatlookingatmewithbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?AsIcarriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshesoontookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.Hovering(懸停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutofsight.Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostsaboutthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,“Shemusthavecometosaygood-bye.”注意：1.

續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.

請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題紙的相應(yīng)位置作答。Para1:Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain._____________________________________________________Para2:Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared._________________________________________作者赴農(nóng)場(chǎng)野餐，在廢棄擠奶房救了被困蜂鳥，發(fā)現(xiàn)是破窗致其被困，帶它到室外。作者清理蜂鳥蛛網(wǎng)，帶它往停車處走，蜂鳥振翅飛起，懸停注視作者后飛走。作者講救蜂鳥經(jīng)歷，離開時(shí)蜂鳥飛來，看向眾人后盯著作者，發(fā)聲飛走，似來道別。讀后續(xù)寫三步驟步驟一：讀When(time)What(conflict沖突)

Where

Emotionalchange

Who(characters)

Theme（主題）拜訪老友農(nóng)場(chǎng)時(shí)、野餐期間、離開農(nóng)場(chǎng)時(shí)華盛頓西部一位老友的農(nóng)場(chǎng)、農(nóng)場(chǎng)房屋附近、長(zhǎng)滿黑莓的小徑上“我”、蜂鳥、野餐的主人蜂鳥被破窗戶處的蜘蛛網(wǎng)困住，無法飛走作者聽到聲響時(shí)感到好奇，看到被困蜂鳥時(shí)心生同情，當(dāng)蜂鳥再次認(rèn)出并靠近作者時(shí)感到驚訝。蜂鳥從掙扎無助變得自由，且似乎心懷感激人與自然的聯(lián)系；人類展現(xiàn)善意后與野生動(dòng)物之間可能存在的感恩與情感紐帶作者回到農(nóng)場(chǎng)時(shí)所看到的和所想到的。蜂鳥是如何對(duì)作者的以及作者的感想。升華：人與動(dòng)物和諧相處。步驟二：思（列提綱）（十句五定法）思路：二首定一框①銜接所給句para1,⑤銜接所給句para2，⑥銜接所給句para2，⑨故事結(jié)局，⑩主題升華，其余用“六所”原則(所見，所思，所做，所說，所聞，所感）第一段：Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.第二段：Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.①⑥②⑦③⑧④⑨⑤⑩銜接上一句負(fù)面情緒轉(zhuǎn)機(jī)（個(gè)人/多人互動(dòng)）正向心理銜接下一句銜接上一句情緒動(dòng)作主人翁：情節(jié)自然發(fā)展正向結(jié)局主題升華第一段：Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.第二段：Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.①踏入農(nóng)場(chǎng)，與蜂鳥相遇的回憶涌上心頭。⑥蜂鳥優(yōu)雅地飛落在我面前，仿佛等候此刻。②心中不免焦慮，不知能否再見到那只小鳥。⑦心跳，滿心是溫暖、難以言喻的喜悅。③農(nóng)場(chǎng)漫步，與朋友閑聊時(shí)得知擠奶房窗戶已修好。⑧它圍著我盤旋，翅膀快速扇動(dòng)，然后輕輕落在我指尖。④聽聞后松了口氣，希望這里對(duì)鳥兒更安全。⑨停留片刻后起飛，繞著我飛幾圈，隨后沖向天空。⑤想著此事，決定再去擠奶房看看。⑩這次相遇讓我領(lǐng)悟到人與自然間深厚的情感紐帶，既脆弱又美好。第一段：Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.第二段：Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.①踏入農(nóng)場(chǎng)，與蜂鳥相遇的回憶涌上心頭。⑥蜂鳥優(yōu)雅地飛落在我面前，仿佛等候此刻。②心中不免焦慮，不知能否再見到那只小鳥。⑦心跳，滿心是溫暖、難以言喻的喜悅。③農(nóng)場(chǎng)漫步，與朋友閑聊時(shí)得知擠奶房窗戶已修好。⑧它圍著我盤旋，翅膀快速扇動(dòng)，然后輕輕落在我指尖。④聽聞后松了口氣，希望這里對(duì)鳥兒更安全。⑨停留片刻后起飛，繞著我飛幾圈，隨后沖向天空。⑤想著此事，決定再去擠奶房看看。⑩這次相遇讓我領(lǐng)悟到人與自然間深厚的情感紐帶，既脆弱又美好。Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarm

again.①

銜接上一句AsIsteppedontothefarm,memoriesofmyencounterwiththehummingbirdfloodedback.②情緒Icouldn'thelpbutfeelabitanxious,wonderingifI'dseethelittlebirdagain.

③

轉(zhuǎn)機(jī)Iwanderedaroundthefarm,chattingwithmyfriendabouttherecentchanges.Justthen,hementionedthatthey'dfixedthewindowofthemilkinghouse.④

正向心理Hearingthis,asenseofreliefwashedoverme,hopingitwouldbeasaferplaceforthebirds.⑤

銜接下一句Withthatthoughtinmind,Idecidedtotakealookatthemilkinghouseoncemore.“我”所做+所思“我”所感+所思“我”所做+朋友所說“我”所感+所思“我”所思+所做Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.⑥

銜接上一句Itfluttereddowngracefullyrightinfrontofme,asifithadbeenwaitingforthismoment.⑦情緒Myheartskippedabeat,andIwasfilledwithawarm,indescribablejoy.

⑧動(dòng)作Ithoveredaroundme,itstinywingsbeatingrapidly,andthenlandedgentlyonmyfinger.⑨

結(jié)局Westayedlikethatforawhile,andthenittookoff,flyingcirclesaroundmebeforesoaringintothesky.

⑩升華Itwasthisencounterthatmademerealizethedeep-seatedbondbetweenhumansandnature,abondthat'sbothfragileandincrediblybeautiful.蜂鳥所做“我”所感蜂鳥所感“我”與蜂鳥所做強(qiáng)調(diào)句十句五定版本Para1AsurgeofwarmexpectationwelledupinmyheartandsurgedthroughmeasIsteppedontothefarmagain,thefamiliarscentoffreshhayandripeblackberrieswrappingaroundmelikeasoftblanket.Myeyesimmediatelyfellonthemilkinghouse—itsbrokenwindowhadbeenreplacedwithaclearnewpane,wheresunlightspilledthrough,castingfaintgoldenstreaksonthewoodenfloorinside.Uponchattingwithmyfriends,Icasuallybroughtupthehummingbirdandthenleanedin,fingersbrushingtheedgeofthewoodenbench,hangingontheireveryword.Theblackberry-linedpathstillexudedasweet,freshscent,withclustersofdeep-purplefruitsdanglingfromtangledvines,theirskinsglisteningwithmorningdewjustasIremembered.Iwasabouttosharemyownmemoryofthebird’siridescentwingswhenmyfriendgrinnedandsaid,“Asmallhummingbirdlingersnearthehousethesedays,flittingfromthewindowtotheblackberrybusheslikeit’swaitingforsomeone.”Para2NosoonerhadIturnedtoleave,myheartflutteringwiththatunspokenhope,thanthefamiliariridescentfiguredartedintoview—itsgreenwingscatchingthesunlikepolishedjade—andhoveredgentlybeforeme.Withasmiletuggingatmylipsandwarmthspreadingfrommychesttomyfingertips,Iheldoutmyhandslowly,palmup,notdaringtobreatheasthetinybirddriftedcloser.“Shereallycametoseeyou!”oneofmyfriendswhisperedbesideme,voicesoftwithsurprise,hiseyesfixedonthehummingbirdthathoveredjustaninchfrommyfingers.Havingwatchedherflutteraroundmyfingertipstwice—herwingsbuzzinglikeatinywindchime—andthendarttowardthewoods,disappearingintothelushgreenleaves,Ifeltasenseofdeep,tenderconnection,realizingthattinycreaturesholdbig,lastingmemoriesthatbindheartsacrossdistances.Thisexperiencehasleftanindeliblemarkonmylife,teachingmethevalueofgentlekindnessandthebeautiful,unspokenbondsthatcanformbetweenhumansandnature,eveninthequietestmoments.范文其他版本Para1：

Afewweekslater,Ivisitedthefarmagain.

Havingpulledoveratthesameposition,Iwanderedontheblackberry-linedpathagain.Whenpassingthefamiliardilapidatedmilkinghouse,Iinstantlynoticedthebrokenwindowhadbeen

fixedaspromised.Mythoughtscouldn’thelpdriftingbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthetinyhummingbird“HowIwishIcouldseeheragain!”Imurmuredtomyselfwithasenseofloss.Iwasimmersingmyselfinthememorywhenmyfriendsinterruptedme,invitingmetothecookout.Withthesmellofroastedfoodwaftingintheair,myfriendsandIchattedand