AVirtualLifeMaiaSzalavitz,formerlyatelevisionproducer,nowspendshertimeasawriter.Inthisessaysheexploresdigitalrealityanditsconsequences.Alongtheway,shecomparesthedigitalworldtothe"real"world,acknowledgingtheattractionsoftheelectronicdimension.邁亞?塞拉維茨曾是電視制片人，目前從事寫(xiě)作。她在本文中探索了數(shù)字化世界及其后果。與此同時(shí)，她將數(shù)字化世界與真實(shí)世界做了比較，承認(rèn)電子空間自有其魅力。MaiaSzalavitz1AftertoolongontheNet,evenaphonecallcanbeashock.Myboyfriend'sLiverpoolaccentsuddenlybecomesimpossibletointerpretafterhiseasilyunderstoodwordsonscreen;asecretary'sclippedtoneseemsmorerejectingthanI'dimagineditwouldbe.Timeitselfbecomesfluid--hoursbecomeminutes,orsecondsstretchintodays.Weekends,onceahighlightofmyweek,arenowjusttwoordinarydays.虛擬世界的生活邁亞?塞拉維茨在網(wǎng)上呆了太久，聽(tīng)到電話鈴聲也會(huì)嚇一大跳。顯示屏上看多了我男朋友那些一目了然的文字，他的利物浦口音一下子變得難以聽(tīng)懂；而秘書(shū)的清脆快速的語(yǔ)調(diào)聽(tīng)上去比我想象的要生硬。時(shí)間本身變得捉摸不定——幾小時(shí)變成幾分鐘，或幾秒鐘延伸為幾天。周末原本是我一周的黃金時(shí)段，現(xiàn)在卻不過(guò)是平平常常的兩天。Forthelastthreeyears,sinceIstoppedworkingasatelevisionproducer,Ihavedonemuchofmyworkasatelecommuter.IsubmitarticlesandeditthemviaemailandcommunicatewithcolleaguesonInternetmailinglists.MyboyfriendlivesinEngland,somuchofourrelationshipisalsocomputer-assisted.在我不再當(dāng)電視制片人的這三年間，我的大部分工作都是在家里使用計(jì)算機(jī)終端進(jìn)行的。我通過(guò)電子郵件投稿和校訂，利用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上的人名地址與同行交流。我男朋友住在英國(guó)，因此兩人的關(guān)系也在很大程度上借助于電腦維系。IfIdesired,Icouldstayinsideforweekswithoutwantinganything.Icanorderfood,andmanagemymoney,loveandwork.Infact,attimesIhavespentaslongasthreeweeksaloneathome,goingoutonlytogetmailandbuynewspapersandgroceries.Iwatchedmostoftheendlesssnowstormof'96onTV.我要是愿意的話，可以一連幾個(gè)星期不出門(mén)而什么也不缺。我可以在網(wǎng)上訂購(gòu)食品、網(wǎng)上理財(cái)、網(wǎng)上戀愛(ài)、網(wǎng)上工作。事實(shí)上我有時(shí)獨(dú)自呆在家里長(zhǎng)達(dá)三個(gè)星期，只偶爾出去拿信、買(mǎi)報(bào)紙及日用品。1996年那一場(chǎng)接一場(chǎng)的暴風(fēng)雪我大都是在電視上看到的。Butafterawhile,lifeitselfbeginstofeelunreal.IstarttofeelasthoughI'vebecomeonewithmymachines,takingdatain,spittingthembackout,justanotherlinkintheNet.Othersonlinereportthesamesymptoms.Westarttofeelanaversiontooutsideformsofsocializing.WehavebecometheNetcritics'worstnightmare.然而，一段時(shí)間之后，生活本身就顯得不那么真實(shí)了。我開(kāi)始覺(jué)得自己似乎與機(jī)器融為一體了，我接收信息，再發(fā)送出去，就如同互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的一個(gè)連接點(diǎn)。其他上網(wǎng)的人也談到了同樣的癥狀。我們開(kāi)始厭惡外面的社交方式。我們的狀況成了批評(píng)互聯(lián)網(wǎng)的人們最害怕見(jiàn)到的一幕。Whatfirstseemedlikealuxury,crawlingfrombedtocomputer,notworryingabouthair,andclothesandface,hasbecomeaformofescape,alackofdiscipline.Andonceyoustartreplacingrealhumancontactwithcyber-interaction,comingbackoutofthecavecanbequitedifficult.一下床就上機(jī)，不再為發(fā)型、服飾、面部化妝煩心，起初看似高級(jí)的享受如今卻成為一種對(duì)生活的逃避，一種缺乏自律的表現(xiàn)。你一旦開(kāi)始用網(wǎng)絡(luò)交際取代人與人的真實(shí)接觸，要走出這種穴居狀態(tài)就會(huì)相當(dāng)困難。Ifindmyselfshyer,morecautious,moreanxious.Or,conversely,whensuddenlyconfrontedwithreallivehumans,Igetoverexcited,speaktoomuch,interrupt.IconstantlyworryifIamdressedappropriately,thatperhapsI'veactuallyforgottentoputonaskirtandwalkedoutsideintheT-shirtandunderwearIsleepandlivein.我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己變得比以前怯生、謹(jǐn)慎、焦慮。或者，反過(guò)來(lái)，當(dāng)我突然面對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)中活生生的人時(shí)，會(huì)變得過(guò)于興奮，說(shuō)個(gè)不停，愛(ài)打斷別人的講話。我老是擔(dān)心自己衣著是否得體，擔(dān)心自己會(huì)不會(huì)真的忘了穿裙子，只穿著夜間睡覺(jué)、白天活動(dòng)的那件T恤和內(nèi)衣就出門(mén)了。Attimes,Iturnonthetelevisionandjustleaveittotalkawayinthebackground,somethingthatI'dneverdonepreviously.Thevoicesoftheprogramsarecomforting,butthenI'mjarredbythecommercials.Ifindmyselfsuckedinbysoapoperas,orneedingtokeepupwiththelatestnewsandtheweather."Dateline,""Frontline,""Nightline,"CNN,NewYork1,everypossibleangleofeverystoryoverandoverandover,evenwhentheyareofnopossibleusetome.Workmovesintothebackground.Idecidetocheckmyemail.有時(shí)我把電視機(jī)開(kāi)著，讓它作為背景聲音一直響著，以前我從不這樣做。電視節(jié)目中的說(shuō)話聲讓人感到寬慰，可那些廣告又叫我心煩。我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己沉浸在肥皂劇里，或者不停地收看最新的新聞報(bào)道和天氣預(yù)報(bào)。一而再再而三地從“每日新聞”、“一線新聞”、“夜間新聞”、有線新聞電視網(wǎng)、紐約一套上收看有關(guān)每一條新聞的各種不同視角的報(bào)道，盡管它們對(duì)我毫無(wú)用處。工作成了次要的。我決定去看一下自己的電子信箱。Online,Ifindmyselfattackingeveryoneinsight.Iambad-tempered,andeasilyangered.Ifindeveryoneonmymailinglistinsensitive,believingthatthey'veforgottenthattherearepeopleactuallyreadingtheirwoundingremarks.Idon'trealizethatI'mprojectinguntilafterI'vebeenembarrassedbysomeonewhopolitelypointsoutthatI'veattackedherforagreeingwithme.在網(wǎng)上，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己見(jiàn)誰(shuí)攻誰(shuí)。我脾氣暴躁，動(dòng)輒生氣。我覺(jué)得我與之通信的每一個(gè)人都麻木不仁，認(rèn)為他們已經(jīng)忘卻還有人真會(huì)去讀他們那些刻薄傷人的言辭。直到有人禮貌地指出，她同意我的觀點(diǎn)卻遭到我的抨擊時(shí)，我才意識(shí)到，自己是在以己度人，不由得深感尷尬。WhenI'minthisstate,Ifightmyboyfriendaswell,misinterpretinghisintentionsbecauseofthelackofemotionalcuesgivenbyourtypeddialogue.Thefighttakeshours,becausethesystemkeepscrashing.Isayaline,thenhedoes,thencrash!Andyetwekeepon,doggedly.在這種精神狀態(tài)下，我也和男朋友吵架，常因鍵出的對(duì)話缺乏情感暗示而誤解他的本意。由于系統(tǒng)常出故障，兩人一爭(zhēng)就是幾個(gè)小時(shí)。我寫(xiě)一句，他回一句，接著系統(tǒng)失靈！可我們倆還是鍥而不舍地接著吵。I'dneverrealizedhowimportantdailyroutineis:dressingforwork,sleepingnormalhours.I'dneverthoughtIreliedsomuchonco-workersforcompany.Ibegantounderstandwhylong-termunemploymentcanbesodamaging,whylifewithoutanexternallysupporteddailyplancanleadtohigherratesofdrugabuse,crime,suicide.以前我從未意識(shí)到日常的生活起居是多么重要，如穿戴整齊去上班，按時(shí)就寢。以前我從未想過(guò)自己會(huì)那么依賴同事做伴。我開(kāi)始理解為什么長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的失業(yè)會(huì)那么傷人，為什么一個(gè)人的生活缺少了外部支持的日常計(jì)劃就會(huì)導(dǎo)致吸毒、犯罪、自殺率的增長(zhǎng)。Torestorebalancetomylife,Iforcemyselfbackintotherealworld.Icallpeople,arrangetomeetwiththefewremainingfriendswhohaven'tfledNewYorkCity.Itrytoatleastgettothegym,soastosetaparttheweekendfromtherestofmyweek.Iarrangeinterviewsforstories,doctor'sappointments--anythingtogetmeoutofthehouseandconnectedwithothers.為了恢復(fù)生活的平衡，我強(qiáng)迫自己回到真實(shí)世界中去。我給別人打電話，與所剩無(wú)幾的仍然住在紐約城的幾個(gè)朋友安排見(jiàn)面。我至少設(shè)法去去健身房，以便使周末與工作日有所不同。我安排采訪好寫(xiě)報(bào)道，預(yù)約看醫(yī)生——安排任何需要我出門(mén)與他人接觸的活動(dòng)。Butsometimesbeingfacetofaceistoomuch.Iseeafriendandherringinglaughterisintolerable--thenoiseofconversationintherestaurant,unbearable.Imakemyexcusesandflee.Ire-entermyapartmentandruntothecomputerasthoughitwereaplaceofsafety.但有時(shí)面對(duì)面地與人相處實(shí)在難以忍受。我與一位朋友見(jiàn)面，她那種響亮的笑聲讓人忍無(wú)可忍——飯店里的噪雜談話聲也讓人受不了。我找了個(gè)藉口逃之夭夭。我重新回到我的公寓，沖向電腦，似乎那兒才是一個(gè)安全的地方。Iclickonthemodem,theonce-annoyingsoundoftheconnectionnowaspleasantasmyfavoritetune.Ientermypassword.Therealworlddisappears.我點(diǎn)擊鼠標(biāo)，打開(kāi)調(diào)制解調(diào)器，曾經(jīng)聽(tīng)了就煩的連接聲此刻聽(tīng)起來(lái)就如同最心愛(ài)的曲子那么悅耳。我鍵入密碼。真實(shí)世界轉(zhuǎn)瞬便消逝了。ThoughtyouweresafesharingsecretswithInternetfriends?Waitforthedoorbell...你以為與網(wǎng)友分享秘密不會(huì)出事兒?jiǎn)幔康戎T(mén)鈴響起來(lái)吧……Mother'sMadAbouttheInternutsCarolSarler1Taptaptappatap-tap.Itisthelastsoundtobeheardbeforesleep.Onespeciallybaddays,itisthefirstsoundtobeheardinthemorning.(1)Itisthesoundoftheonlylastingdisagreementinahouseholdthatisotherwisepeaceful.MydaughterishookedontheInternetandIthinkthatitismad,badanddangerous.母親恨死了網(wǎng)蟲(chóng)卡羅爾?薩爾勒嗒嗒，嗒嗒，嗒－嗒。這是入睡前最后聽(tīng)到的聲音。遇到特別糟糕的日子，早上一醒來(lái)就聽(tīng)到這種聲音。這是一個(gè)原本安寧的家庭中惟一持續(xù)不去的不和諧音。女兒沉迷于互聯(lián)網(wǎng)，我覺(jué)得這是一種瘋狂的不端行為，而且兇險(xiǎn)四伏。Sheisineveryotherrespectasensibleyoungwoman.Shegraduatedinthesummer,shegoestoworkeachday,sheandherfriendsareonthephonealleveningandshegoesoutwiththematweekends.Butontopofthatshehaslatelystartedspendingsometwohoursinintensecommunicationwithacomputer.AndIhateit.她在別的哪個(gè)方面都不失為一個(gè)明事理的姑娘。她是夏天畢業(yè)的，天天上班，晚上和朋友們?cè)陔娫捓锪奶?，周末和他們一起外出玩耍。但除此之外，近?lái)她每天花兩個(gè)小時(shí)光景與電腦廝守在一起。對(duì)此我深?lèi)和唇^。Thisisnotjustfearofnewtechnology.Ofcourse,thereisvalueininstantaccesstoinformationbanksworldwideand,ofcourse,emailisrevolutionizingthewaywecorrespondwitheachother.MymistrustisbasedonthefactthatthisuseoftheInternetissuchapalecopyofthetime-honoredwayinwhichpeoplecommunicatewitheachother.(2)Itleadstointimacybeforeacquaintance;itscatterssecretsoutwards,notinwards;and,mostworryingofall,itisavehicleforliars.這不完全是對(duì)新科技的恐懼。當(dāng)然，能隨時(shí)獲取全世界信息庫(kù)中的信息是很有價(jià)值的，電子郵件正在完全改變?nèi)藗兿嗷ラg通信聯(lián)系的方式。我的不信任感是基于這樣一個(gè)事實(shí)：用互聯(lián)使網(wǎng)通訊與人們傳統(tǒng)的相互交流方式相比實(shí)在大為遜色。它使人們還未相識(shí)就已親近，它不能保守秘密反而擴(kuò)散秘密；而最令人擔(dān)心的是，它是撒謊人傳播謊言的工具。Whatfrightensmeisthatmydaughterrejectsallthis.Thedenialisthereinthelanguagesheuses."I'met'JanetinJanuary,"shesays,"andwe'vebeen'friends'eversince."Atothertimes,"Iwas'talking'toAlextheotherdayandhe'said'...""No,hedidn't,"Iargue;friendsarefriendswhen,andonlywhen,youhaveseenthewhitesoftheireyes.Shejustrollshers,skywards.最令我心驚膽戰(zhàn)的是女兒對(duì)我的一切規(guī)勸都拒之不理。這在她的言談間流露無(wú)遺。“我是一月份‘遇見(jiàn)'珍妮特的，”她說(shuō)，“那以后我們就成了‘朋友'。”有時(shí)，她又說(shuō)“前幾天我和亞歷克斯‘聊天’，他‘說(shuō)'……”“不對(duì)，他沒(méi)有說(shuō)，”我爭(zhēng)辯道；只有當(dāng)你親眼見(jiàn)過(guò)一個(gè)人之后，只有在那個(gè)時(shí)候，朋友才成其為朋友。她只是朝上翻了翻白眼。Imaginethis.WhenIwasplanningtogoawayforafewdayslastmonth,thisintelligent22-year-oldannouncedaplanforaparty,thegueststoincludeavarietyofInternutswho,comingastheywouldfromallcorners,wouldneedtostayovernight.你想象得到嗎，上個(gè)月我正打算外出數(shù)日的時(shí)候，這位聰明的22歲的姑娘宣布打算舉行一次聚會(huì)，客人包括各色網(wǎng)蟲(chóng)，他們來(lái)自各地，還要在我家過(guò)夜。Overnight?Inmyhome,myhomethatcontainseverythingIcareabout,ratherhighonthelistbeingmydaughterherself.在我家里過(guò)夜？在這個(gè)有我珍愛(ài)的一切的家里，而女兒本身就是我的最珍愛(ài)的寶貝之一。Shesaid:"Don'tbesilly."Shesaiditwouldbequiteallright,becausethepeopleshewasplanningtoinvitewerethosewhomshehad"known"foratleastayearandwhomshe"knows"aswellasanyofherotherfriendsthat,onthewhole,Itendtolike.(3)Isaid,tryingtobereasonablebutnotaltogethersucceeding,thatinandamongthethingsthey"tell"eachotheronthetap-tap,atendencytomurdermightjusthavebeenoverlooked,mightitnot?她說(shuō)，“別傻。”她說(shuō)不會(huì)有事的，因?yàn)樗郎?zhǔn)備邀請(qǐng)的那些人都是“認(rèn)識(shí)”了至少有一年的，而且她“了解”他們，就像了解我總的來(lái)說(shuō)比較喜歡的她的其他朋友一樣。我說(shuō)，他們啪噠啪噠“講”給互相聽(tīng)的事情中，殺人的傾向或許就被忽略了，難道這不可能嗎？我說(shuō)這話時(shí)盡量想做到通情達(dá)理，但不完全成功。Thepartydidnothappen.Therowmostcertainlydid.聚會(huì)不了了之。但我和她確實(shí)大吵了一場(chǎng)。WhenIsaythatiftheyarenotnutterstheyarenerds,shetriestoreason.DoIthinksheisanerd?Absolutelynot.Well,then,whyshouldtheybe?DoIthinksheisaliar?Justasabsolutelynot.Seizingtheinitiativeshemovesovertotheattack.當(dāng)我說(shuō)那些人即使不是瘋子也一定是些怪人時(shí)，她試圖跟我爭(zhēng)論。那我是不是覺(jué)得她就是怪人一個(gè)？絕對(duì)不是。既然這樣，那他們?yōu)槭裁磿?huì)是怪人呢？我是不是覺(jué)得她就是個(gè)謊言家？當(dāng)然也不是。她抓住了主動(dòng)權(quán)，開(kāi)始反攻。"Yourememberthatfavoritestoryofyours,theoneabouthowthearmycaptainandthewomanwhosebookhediscoveredgottoknowoneanothersolelythroughwritingletters?Andhowsherefusedtosendhimaphotographbecauseshefeltthatifhereallycared,itwouldn'tmatterwhatshelookedlike?Well,theyhadn'tseeneachothereither."Shesmilesherself-satisfiedsmile.Arguingwithadaughterisalwayslikethat,soannoying.Theyalwaysknowwhereyourweakpointsare,justwheretoslipinunderyourguard.“還記得你最喜歡的那個(gè)講一個(gè)上尉和一個(gè)女人的故事嗎？那個(gè)他看到那女的讀過(guò)的一本書(shū)便和她通過(guò)書(shū)信往來(lái)而認(rèn)識(shí)的故事？記得嗎，她拒絕給他寄照片，因?yàn)樗J(rèn)為如果他真的喜歡她，她長(zhǎng)得怎么樣并不重要？瞧，他們倆也沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)面嘛?！彼靡獾匦α恕８畠籂?zhēng)辯總是這個(gè)樣，總是令你煩惱不堪。她們深知你的弱點(diǎn)，知道如何乘虛而入。ButIcannotclearitfrommyhead,theworriesrefusetogoaway.Itisnotthat,asindividuals,Ihavereasontobelievetheywouldlie.Buttheycould.Theycouldlieabouttheirage,theirstateofmindoreventheirsex.Indeed,apparentlyinAmericaitiscommonformentotap-tappretendingtobew