其其friends109TheOneWhereUnderdogGets[Scene:CentralPerk,Rachelisconfrontingherboss,Rachel:Terry,I,I,IknowthatIhaven'tworkedhereverylong,butIwaswondering,doyouthinkitwouldbepossibleifIgota$100advanceinmysalary?Terry:AnRachel:It'ssothatIcanspendThanksgivingwithmyfamily.See,everyyearwegoskiinginVail,andnormallymyfatherpaysformyticket,butIsortofstartedthewholeindependencething,youknow,whichisactuallywhyItookthisjob.Terry:Rachel,Rachel,sweetheart.You'reaterrible,terriblewaitress.Really,reallyRachel:Ok,I,Ihearwhatyou'resayin'.I'mwithyou.Um,butI,butI'mtryingreallyhard.AndIthinkI'mngbetter.Ireallydo.Doesanybodyneedcoffee?(everyoneintheceraisestheirhand)Oh,lookatthat.Opening[Scene:CentralPerk,RachelisapproachingaRachel:Excuseme,sir.Hi,youcomeinherealltime.Iwasjustwondering,doyouthinkthere'sapossibilitythatyoucouldgivemeanadvanceonmytips?Guy:Rachel:Ok,ok,that'sfine.Fine.Hey,I'msorryaboutthatspillbefore.(picksupthetipheleaves)Only$98.50togo.(MonicaMonica:Hey.Ross,didyouknowMomandDadaregoingtoPuertoRicoforRoss:No,they'reMonica:Yes,theyare.TheBlymensinvitedRoss:You'rewrong.Monica:Iamnotwrong.Ross:You'rewrong.Monica:No,IjusttalkedtoRoss:(gettingup,upset)I'mcalling(Joeyenters.HisfacelooksabnormallyJoey:Hey,hey.Chandler:Hey.Phoebe:Hey.Chandler:Andthisfromthecry-for-helpdepartment.AreyouwearingJoey:Yes,Iam.Asoftoday,IamofficiallyJoeyTribbiani,actorslashmodel.Chandler:That'ssofunny,'causeIwasthinkingyoulookmorelikeJoeyTribbiani,manslashwoman.Phoebe:WhatwereyoumodelingJoey:YouknowthosepostersforthecityMonica:Oh,wow,soyou'regonnabeoneofthose"healthy,healthy,healthyPhoebe:Youknow,theasthmaguywasreallyChandler:Doyouknowwhichoneyou'regonnaJoey:No,butIhearlymediseaseisopen,so...(crossesChandler:Goodluck,man.IhopeyougetJoey:(RosscomesbacktotheRoss:(toMonica)Well,youwereright.Howcantheydothistous,huh?It'sMonica:Ok,I'lllyouwhat.HowaboutIcookdinneratmyce?I'llmakeitjustlikeMom's.Ross:WillyoumakethemashedpotatoeswiththeMonica:Youknow,they'renotactuallysupposedtohave...(Rosslooksathersheepishly)I'llworkonthelumps.Joey,you'regoinghome,right?Joey:Monica:AndIassume,Chandler,youarestillboycottingallthepilgrimChandler:Yes,everysingleoneofMonica:Phoebe,you'regonnabewithyourPhoebe:Yes,andherboyfriend.Butwe'recelebratingThanksgivinginDecember'causeheislunar.Monica:Soyou'reThursday,Phoebe:Yeah.Oh,canIMonica:Yeah.Rach,areyouthinkingyou'regonnamakeittoRachel:Absoluy.Shoop,shoop,shoop.OnlyahundredandtwodollarstoChandler:Ithoughtitwas$98.50.Rachel:Yeah,wellitwas.I,Ibrokeacup.Ross:Well,I'mofftoCarol's.Phoebe:Ooh,ooh!Whydon'tweinviteRoss:(mimicking)Ooh,ooh.Becauseshe'smyex-wife,andwillprobablywanttobringher,ooh,ooh,lesbianlifepartner.[Scene:CarolandSusan'sapartment,Susanisthere.RossRoss:Hi,isuh,isCarolSusan:No,she'satafacultyRoss:Oh,Iuh,justcamebytopickupmyskull.Well,notmine,but...Susan:ComeRoss:Thanks.Yeah,Carolborroweditforaclass,andIhavetogetitbacktotheSusan:What'sitlookRoss:KindalikeabigfacewithoutSusan:Yes,I'mfamiliarwiththeconcept.WecanjustlookforRoss:Ok.(browsingtheapartment)Wow,youguyssurehavealotofbooksaboutbein'alesbian.Susan:Well,youknow,youhavetotakeacourse.Otherwise,theydon'tletyoudoRoss:(pickingupabook)Hey,hey,YertletheTurtle.ASusan:Actually,I'mreadingittotheRoss:Theuh,thebabythathasn'tbeenbornyet?Wouldn'tthatmeanyou're...Susan:What,youdon'tthinktheycanhearsoundsinthere?Ross:You'renotserious,Imean,youreally...youreallytalktoit?Susan:Yeah,allthetime.Iwantthebabytoknowmyvoice.Ross:Doyouuh,doyoutalkaboutSusan:Yeah,yeah,alltheRoss:Susan:Butum,wejustrefertoyouasBobotheSpermGuy.[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,everyoneistherebutRachel.]Ross:Look,ifshe'stalkingtoit,IjustthinkthatIshouldgetsomebellytimetoo.NotthatIbelieveanyofthis.Phoebe:Oh,Ibelieveit.Ithinkthebabycantotallyheareverything.Icanshowyou.Look,thiswillseemalittleweird,butyouputyourheadinsidethisturkey,andthenwe'llalltalk,andyou'llheareverythingwesay.Chandler:I'djustliketosaythatI'mtotallybehindthisexperiment.Infact,I'dverymuchliketobutteryourhead.(RachelMonica:Hey,Rach,didyoumakeyourRachel:No,notevenclose.ForgetVail,forgetseeingmyfamily,forgetshoop,shoop,Monica:Rach,here'syourRachel:Thanks,youcanjustputitontheMonica:(insistently)No,here'syourRachel:Thanks,youcanjustputitonthetable.Monica:(givesheranenvelope)Wouldyoujustopenit?(Rachelopensit.Insideisthemoneysheneeded.)Rachel:Ohmygod,oh,youguysaregreat.Monica:WeallchippedJoey:(toMonica)WeMonica:(toJoey)Youoweme20Rachel:Thankyou.ThankyousoMonica:(handsChandlerabag)Chandler,hereyougo,gotyourtraditionalThanksgivingfeast,yougotyourtomatosoup,yourgrilledcheesefixin's,andyourfamilysizebagofFunyuns.Rachel:Wait,wait,Chandler,thisiswhatyou'rehavin'forThanksgivingdinner?What,what,whatisitwithyouandthisholiday?Chandler:Allright,I'mnineyearsRoss:Oh,IhatethisChandler:WejustfinishedthismagnificentThanksgivingdinner.Ihave--andIrememberthispartvividly--amouthfulofpumpkinpie,andthisisthemomentmyparentschoosetolmethey'regettingdivorced.Rachel:OhmyChandler:Yes.It'sverydifficulttoappreciateaThanksgivingdinneronceyou'veseenitinreverse.[Scene:Thesubway,Joeyspotsagorgeouswomanwaiting.HegoesuptoJoey:Uh,hi.Weuh,weusedtoworkGirl:WeJoey:Yeah,atMacy's.YouweretheObsessiongirl,right?IwastheAramisguy.(pretendstospraycologne)Aramis?Aramis?Girl:Yeah,Joey:Igottalyou.You'rethebestintheGirl:GetJoey:I'mserious.You'reamazing.Youknowwhentospritz,whentolayGirl:Really?Youdon'tknowwhatthatmeanstome.Joey:Ooh,yousmellgreattonight.What'reyouwearing?Girl:(provocatively)Nothing.Joey:Listen,uh,youwannagogetadrinkorsomething?Girl:Yeah.(shegetsup,noticessomethingbehindJoey)Oh.Joey:What'swrong?Girl:Ijustremembered,IhavetodoJoey:Oh.Girl:Um,Joey:Wait,wait,(Joeyturnsaroundandseeshisfaceonaposterinthesubway.Thepostersays:WhatMarioisn'tlingyou...V.D.,youneverknowwhomighthaveit.AvarietyofscenesareshownwiththeposterdisyedalloverNewYorkCity.)[Scene:CentralPerk,Joeyenters,amongstsnickersfromtheJoey:SoIguessyouallsawRachel:SawPhoebe:No,wewerejustlaughing.Youknow,howlaughtercanbeinfectious.[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,Joeyenters,upset.]Joey:SetanotherceforThanksgiving.MyentirefamilythinksIhaveChandler:Tonight,onaveryspecialCommercial[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,MonicaiscookingThanksgivingdinner.Chandlerisstandinginthedoorway,notwantingtoparticipateinthefestivities.]Monica:Mmm,lookinggood.Ok,cider'smulling,turkey'sturking,yamsareyamming.(noticesRossisdepressed)What?Ross:Idon'tknow.It'sjustnotthesamewithoutMomintheMonica:Allright,that'sit.Youknowwhat?JustgetoutofmywayandstopmoRoss:That'scloser.(Rachelenters,excited.)Rachel:Igotthetickets!Igotthetickets!Fivehoursfromnow,shoop,shoop,Chandler:Oh,youmuststopshooRachel:Ok,I'mgonnagetmyJoey:Chandler,willyoujustcomeinChandler:No,Iprefertokeepasafedistancefromallthismerriment.(PhoebetakesasliceofpumpkinpieandwavesitinfrontofChandler'sface.)Phoebe:Lookout, ingpumpkinpie!Chandler:Ok,wealllaughedwhenyoudiditwiththestuffing,butthat'snotfunny(ChandlerJoey:Hey,Monica,Igotaquestion.Idon'tseeanytaterMonica:That'snotaJoey:Butmymomalwaysmakesthem.It'slikeatradition.Yougetalittlepieceofturkeyonyourfork,alittlecranberrysauce,andatot!It'sbadenoughIcan'tbewithmyfamilybecauseofmydisease.Monica:Allright,fine.Tonight'spotatoeswillbebothmashedwithlumps,andintheformoftots.Ross:Ok,I'mofftotalktomyunborn(Rossgrabsforsomefood,Monicaslapshishandaway.)Monica:Ah!Ross:Ok,Momneverhit.(Rossexits.)Phoebe:(stirringpot)Ok,allMonica:What,Phoebe,didyouwhipthepotatoes?RossneedsPhoebe:Oh,I'msorry,oh,Ijust,Ithoughtwecouldhavethemwhippedandthenaddsomepeasandonions.Monica:WhywouldwedoPhoebe:Well,'causethenthey'dbelikemymomusedtomakethem,youknow,beforeshedied.Monica:Ok,threekindsofpotatoescomingRachel:Ok,good-byeyouguys.Thanksforeverything.(shestartstoleave,andhitseveryonewithherskis)Oh,sorry!Oh,sorry!(Chandlerenters,Chandler:Themostunbelievablethinghashappened.UnderdoghasjustgottenJoey:TheChandler:No,no,theactualcartooncharacter.Ofcoursetheballoon.It'salloverthenews.RightbeforehereachedMacy's,hebrokeandwasspottedflyingoverWashingtonSquarePark.I'mgoin'totheroof,who'swithme?Rachel:Ican't,IgottaChandler:Comeon.An80-footinflatabledogletlooseoverthecity.Howoftendoesthathappen?Phoebe:AlmostMonica:Gotthekeys?orGotthekeys!Rachel:Ok.(Everyoneleavesthe[Scene:CarolandSusan's,RossispreparingtotalktoherCarol:Anytimeyou'reRoss:Ok,ok,herewego.(hecrouchesdownnearherstomach)Ok,whereamIto,here?Imean,uh,well,thereisonewaythatseemstoofferacertainacousticaladvantage,but...Carol:JustaimfortheRoss:Ok,ok,ok,ok,heregoes.Youknow,I,youknow,can'tdothis.Uh,thisistooweird.Ifeelstupid.Carol:Sodon'tdoit,it'sfine.Youdon'thavetodoitjustbecauseSusandoesRoss:(quicklytalking)o,baby.o,[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,thegroupiscomingbackfromtheRachel:IlovedthemomentwhenyoufirstsawthegiantdogshadowalloverthePhoebe:Yeah,butdidtheyhavetoshoothimdown?Imean,thatwasjustmean.Monica:Ok,rightaboutnowtheturkeyshouldbecrispyontheoutside,juicyontheinside.Whyarewestandinghere?Rachel:We'rewaitingforyoutoopenthedoor.YougottheMonica:NoIRachel:Yes,youdo.Whenweleft,yousaid,"gottheMonica:NoIdidn't.Iasked,"gottheke-eys?"Rachel:No,no,no,yousaid,"gotthekeys".Chandler:Doeitherofyouhavethekeys?Monica:(panicked)TheovenisRachel:Oh,IgottagetmyJoey:Wait,wait,wehaveacopyofyourMonica:Wellthengetit,getJoey:ThattonewillnotmakemegoanyMonica:(angry)Joey:Thatone(Joeyleavestogetthecopyofthe[Scene:CarolandSusan's,Carolisreading,RossistalkingtoherRoss:Andeveryone'slingme,yougottapickamajor,yougottapickamajor.So,onadare,Ipickedpaleontology.AndyouhavenoideawhatI'msaying,because,let'sfaceit,you'reafetus.You'rejusthappyyoudon'thavegillsanymore.Carol:Look,youdon'thavetotalktoit.YoucansingtoitifyouRoss:Oh,please.Iamnotsingingtoyourstomach,ok?(Susanenters.)Susan:Hi,how'sitRoss:Shh!(singing)Herewecome,walkin'downthestreet,getthefunniestlooksfrom,everyonewemeet.Hey,hey!(toCarol)Hey,uh,didyoujustfeelthat?Carol:IRoss:Doesitalways,uh--Carol:No,nothatwastheSusan:Keepsinging!KeepRoss:(singing)Hey,hey,you'remybaby,andIcan'twaittomeetyou.WhenyoucomeoutI'llbuyyouabagel,andthenwe'llgotothezoo.Susan:IfeltRoss:(singin)Hey,hey,I'myourdaddy.I'mtheonewithoutany[Scene:TheHallway,Joeyhasatrayfullofkeys,andistryingeachoneintheJoey:Nope,notthatMonica:CanyougoanyfasterwithJoey:Hey,Igotonekeyholeandaboutazillionkeys.YoudotheMonica:WhydoyouguyshavesomanykeysinthereChandler:(sarcastic)ForanemergencyjustlikeRachel:(grabsChandlerbytheshirt)Allright,listen,smirky.Ifitwasn'tforyouandyourstupidballoon,Iwouldbeonanewatchingawomandothis(makesagesturelikeastewardesspointingoutexits)rightnow.ButI'mnot.Monica:IswearyousaidyouhadtheRachel:No,Ididn't.Iwouldn'tsayIhadthekeysunlessIhadthekeys,andIobviouslydidn'thavethekeys.Phoebe:Ooh,ok,that'sit.Enoughwiththekeys.Noonesaykeys.(Shortpause.)Monica:WhywouldIhavetheRachel:AsidefromthefactthatyousaidyouhadMonica:ButIRachel:Well,youshouldhave.Monica:Why?Rachel:Monica:Rachel:Monica:Why?Becauseeverythingismyresponsibility?Isn'titenoughthatI'mmakingThanksgivingdinnerforeveryone?Youknow,everyonewantsadifferentkindofpotatoes,soI'mmakingdifferentkindsofpotatoes.DoesanybodycarewhatkindofpotatoesIwant?Nooooo,no,no!(startingtocry)JustaslongasPhoebegetsherpeasandonions,andMariogetshistots,andit'smyfirstThanksgiving,andit'sallburned,and,andI...I...Chandler:Ok,Monica,onlydogscanhearyounow,so,look,thedoor'sopen.Herewego.(Theywalkin.SmokefillstheMonica:Well,theturkey'sburnt.(checkingpots)Potatoesareruined,potatoesareruined,potatoesareruined.(Rossenters,Ross:Herewecome,walkin'downthe—thisdoesn'tsmelllikeMonica:No,itdoesn't,doesit?Butyouwantedlumps,Ross?(picksupthepanofbadlyburntpotatoes)Well,hereyougo,buddy,yagotone.Rachel:Oh,god,thisisgreat!Theneisgone,soitlookslikeI'mstuckherewithyouguys.Joey:Hey,weallhadbetterns.Thiswasnobody'sfirstMonica:Oh,really?SowhywasIbustingmyasstomakethisdeliciousThanksgivingJoey:Youcallthatdelicious?(allshouting)Monica:Stopit,stopit,stopChandler:Nowthisfeelslike[Timelapse.Everyoneisupsetwitheachother.Phoebeisatthewindow.]Phoebe:Ooh.Rachel:Phoebe:UglyNakedGuy'stakinghisturkeyoutoftheoven.Ohmygod.He'snotalone.UglyNakedGuy'shavingThanksgivingdinnerwithUglyNakedGal.(TheyallruntotheJoey:I'vegottaseethis.AllrightUglyNakedMonica:Ooh,UglyNakedPhoebe:It'snicethathehas[Timelapse.Thegangisaroundthetable,eatinggrilledcheeseChandler:ShallIRachel:ByallChandler:Ok,whowantslightcheese,andwhowantsdarkRoss:Idon'tevenwannaknowaboutthedarkMonica:(holdingsandwich)DoesanybodywannasplitthiswithJoey:Oh,IPhoebe:Ooh,youguyshavetomakeaMonica:MakeaPhoebe:Comeon,youknow,Thanksgi