丁克家庭英語稿子演講者：ChristenReighter演講題目：Idon'twantchildren--stoptellingmeI'llchangemymind中英文對照翻譯Irecognizedtherolesthatwereplacedonmeveryearly.OnepersistentconceptthatIobserved--existinginourlanguage,inourmedia--wasthatwomenarenotonlysupposedtohavechildren,theyaresupposedtowantto.Thisexistedeverywhere.Itexistedinthewaysthatadultsspoketomewhentheyposedquestionsinthecontextof"when.""Whenyougetmarried...""Whenyouhavekids..."我在小時候就認(rèn)識到了自己在社會上的角色。據(jù)我觀察，有一個根深蒂固的觀念，存在于我們的語言和媒體中。那就是女人不僅應(yīng)當(dāng)有孩子，而且她們自己也想要有孩子。這種觀念無處不在。當(dāng)大人們在“當(dāng)你······”的語境中提問，它就存在于他們跟我說話的方式里。“當(dāng)你結(jié)婚的時候······”“當(dāng)你有了孩子······”AndthesefuturemusingswerealwayspresentedtomelikepartofthisAmericandream,butitalwaysfelttomelikesomeoneelse'sdream.Yousee,avaluethatIhavealwaysunderstoodaboutmyselfwasthatIneverwantedchildren.Andasakid,whenIwouldtrytoexplainthis,thisdisconnectbetweentheirrolesandmyvalues,theyoftenlaughedinthewaythatadultsdoattheabsurditiesofchildren.Andtheywouldtellmeknowingly,"You'llchangeyourmind."對未來的這些思考總是呈現(xiàn)在我面前，就像美國夢一樣，但對我來說，這就像是別人的夢想。我一直了解自己的價(jià)值觀，那就是我從來沒想過要孩子。但我很小的時候，我試圖去向大人們解釋他們的角色和我價(jià)值觀的脫節(jié)時，他們經(jīng)常笑我，以一種大人對待小孩的無稽之談的方式。并且他們仿佛什么都知道一樣告訴我，“你會回心轉(zhuǎn)意的。”Andpeoplehavebeensayingthingslikethattomemywholelife.Otherwisepoliteconversationcanturnintrusivefast."Doesyourhusbandknow?"我一輩子都有人這樣對我說。但是，禮貌的談話會很快變成侵入性的談話?！蹦阏煞蛑绬?？”"Doyourparentsknow?""Don'tyouwantafamily?""Don'tyouwanttoleaveanythingbehind?"Andtheprimarybuzzwordwhendiscussingchildlessness,"That'sselfish."“你的父母知道嗎？”“你不想要一個家庭嗎？”“你不想在身后留下點(diǎn)什么嗎？”在討論無子女問題的時候，最流行的詞就是，“這太自私了?！盩herearecountlessreasonsawomanmayhaveforchoosingtoabstainfrommotherhood,themajorityofthemnotself-prioritizing.Butitisstillsociallyacceptabletopubliclyvilifywomenassuch,becausenoneofthesereasonshavemadeitintothesocialnarrative.WhenIwaslittleandlearningabouttheinevitabilityofmaternity,itwasneverexplainedtomethecommonnessofthesefactorsthatwomenconsider,一個女人有無數(shù)的原因選擇不做母親。她們中大多數(shù)都沒有優(yōu)先考慮自己。但社會還是選擇接受這種公開詆毀婦女的想法，因?yàn)闆]有任何理由使絕育變?yōu)樯鐣弦环N流行的說法。我小時候就知道了做母親的必然性，但從沒人跟我解釋婦女需要考慮的因素，liketheriskofpassingonhereditaryillness,thedangerofhavingtostoplife-savingmedicationforthedurationofyourpregnancy,concernaboutoverpopulation,youraccesstoresources,andthefactthatthereare415,000childreninthefoster-caresystemintheUnitedStatesatanygiventime.Reasonslikethese,manymore,andthefactthatIdon'tliketoleavethingsofthismagnitudetochance,allinformedmydecisiontobecomesurgicallysterilized.像遺傳疾病的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，懷孕期間不得不停止使用救命藥的危險(xiǎn)，人口過剩的擔(dān)憂，獲取資源的機(jī)會，以及在美國有415000個孩子被寄養(yǎng)的事實(shí)。像這樣的原因還有很多，為了杜絕這些問題發(fā)生，我決定做絕育手術(shù)。Ibeganmyresearcheagerly.Iwantedtofullyunderstandallthatwasgoingtocomewithundergoingatuballigation,whichisjustanotherwordforgettingyourtubestied.Iwantedtoknowapprovaltoaftermath,satisfactionrates,risks,statistics.Andatfirst,Iwasempowered.我開始熱切的做相關(guān)的調(diào)查。我想要完全了解關(guān)于輸卵管結(jié)扎手術(shù)的一切，簡單來說，就是把你的輸卵管打個結(jié)。我想知道對善后工作的認(rèn)可程度，滿意度，風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)。開始的時候，我大受鼓舞。Yousee,thewaythenarrativehasalwaysbeentaughttome,Iwouldhavethoughtthatwomenwhodidn'twantchildrenweresorare,andthenIlearnedoneinfiveAmericanwomenwon'tbehavingabiologicalchild--somebychoice,somebychance.要知道，過去的觀念還一直影響著我，我本以為不想要孩子的女性非常的少，但是后來我了解到，在美國，有五分之一的女人不想生育孩子。有些是自愿的，有些是偶然的。ButIwasnotalone.ButthemoreIread,themoredisheartenedIbecame.Ireadwomen'sstories,tryingdesperatelytogetthisprocedure.Ilearnedhowcommonitwasforwomentoexhausttheirfinancesappealingtodozensofob-gynsovermanyyears,onlytobeturneddownsomanytimes,oftenwithsuchblatantdisrespectthattheyjustgaveup.Womenreportedthatmedicalpractitionerswereoftencondescendinganddismissiveoftheirmotivations,beingtoldthingslike,"Comebackwhenyou'remarriedwithachild."所以我不是一個人在戰(zhàn)斗。但是我了解得越多，就變得越沮喪。我了解了很多女人的經(jīng)歷，她們不顧一切地想要做絕育手術(shù)。但很多女人為此傾家蕩產(chǎn)，很多年來，咨詢了幾十個婦產(chǎn)科醫(yī)生，得到的結(jié)果只有被拒絕，還經(jīng)常受到不公的待遇，最后她們都放棄了。很多婦女報(bào)告說，執(zhí)業(yè)醫(yī)生經(jīng)常是高傲的，對她們的決定不屑一顧。她們得到的回答往往是，“等你結(jié)婚有小孩后再來吧?！盉utwomenwhodidhavechildren,whowenttogogetthisprocedure,weretoldtheyweretooyoung,ortheydidn'thaveenoughchildren,whichisveryinteresting,becausethelegalrequirementsinmystateforgettingthiskindofsurgerywere,"Beatleast21yearsold,""appearofsoundmind,actingofyourownaccord,"and"havea30-daywaitingperiod."AndIwasperplexedthatIcouldmeetalloftheselegalrequirementsandstillhavetofaceabattleintheexamroomformybodilyautonomy.Anditwasdaunting,butIwasdetermined.但當(dāng)女人生完孩子，再去做絕育手術(shù)的時候，醫(yī)生又會說她們太年輕了，或者她們還想要更多的孩子，這簡直太嘲諷了。因?yàn)樵谖宜诘闹?，做這種手術(shù)的法律規(guī)定是“21歲以上，”“心智健全，精神正常，”還要“30天的等待周期?！弊屛也唤獾氖?，我滿足所有的法律要求，但為了我身體的自主權(quán)，在檢驗(yàn)室仍然還要面臨一場戰(zhàn)爭，這非常令人氣餒，但我決心已定。IrememberIdressedsoprofessionallytothatfirstappointment.我記得第一次赴約的時候，打扮得非常職業(yè)。Isatupstraight.Ispokeclearly.IwantedtogivethatdoctoreverypieceofevidencethatIwasnotthedateofbirthinthatfile.AndImadesuretomentionthingslike,"Ijustgotmybachelor'sdegreeandI'mapplyingtothesedoctoralprograms,I'mgoingtostudythesethings."And"mylong-termpartnerhasthiskindofbusiness,"and"I'vedoneresearchonthisformonths.我坐得筆直。講話也很清晰。我想讓醫(yī)生知道，我不是檔案里那么年輕。我要確定傳達(dá)出這些信息，“我剛剛?cè)〉脤W(xué)士學(xué)位，正在申請一些什么博士學(xué)位項(xiàng)目，我將來要做些什么研究?！辈⑶摇拔业拈L期伴侶也是做這行的，”“關(guān)于絕育，我也已經(jīng)做了幾個月的研究了。Iunderstandeverythingaboutit,alltherisks."BecauseIneededthedoctortoknowthatthiswasnotawhim,notreactionary,notyour20-somethinglookingtogooutandpartywithoutfearofgettingknockedup...(Laughter)thatthissupportedsomethingintegraltowhoIwas.我了解各個方面和所有的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)?！币?yàn)槲乙屷t(yī)生知道，這不是心血來潮，也不是要反對什么，更不是20來歲出去聚會擔(dān)心肚子會被搞大——這么做只是為了讓我成為我自己。AndIunderstandinformedconsent,soIfullyexpectedtobereeducatedonhowitallworked,but...Atonepoint,theinformationbeinggiventomestartedtofeelagenda'd,interlacedwithbiasandinflatedstatistics.Thequestionsbegantofeelinterrogative.Atfirsttheywereaskingmequestionsthatseemedtounderstandmysituationbetter,andthenitseemedliketheywereaskingquestionstotrytotripmeup.IfeltlikeIwasonthewitnessstand,beingcross-examined.我了解、知情并同意，我也做好了被教育的準(zhǔn)備，但是...某種程度上，給我的信息就像事先安排好一樣，交織著偏見和夸張的統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)。我開始感覺像在被質(zhì)問。起初他們問的問題，像是為了能夠更好地理解我的情況，但后來的問題卻像是有意引導(dǎo)我答錯。我感覺自己像在證人席上被盤問。Thedoctoraskedmeaboutmypartner."Howdoesheorshefeelaboutallofthis?""Well,I'vebeenwiththesamemanforfiveyears,andhefullysupportsanydecisionImakeformybody."Andhesaid,"Well,whathappensinthefuture,ifyouchangepartners?Whathappenswhenthatpersonwantschildren?"AndIdidn'tquiteknowhowtoreacttothat,becausewhatIwashearingwasthisdoctortellmethatI'msupposedtodisregardeverythingIbelieveifapartnerdemandschildren.SoItoldhimnottoworryaboutthat.Mystanceonchildbearinghasalwaysbeenfirstdateconversation.醫(yī)生問了關(guān)于我伴侶的情況?！八ㄋ┑膽B(tài)度是怎么樣的？”“我跟他在一起五年了，他完全支持我對自己身體的任何決定?！彼f：“好吧，如果將來你換伴侶了怎么辦？萬一那個伴侶想要孩子呢？"我真的不知道怎么回應(yīng)了，因?yàn)槲宜牭降氖?，這個醫(yī)生認(rèn)為，如果伴侶想要孩子的話，我就應(yīng)該拋棄我的信仰，所以我告訴他不要擔(dān)心這些，關(guān)于生小孩的態(tài)度，我一定會在第一次約會的時候聲明的。Hethenasksmetoconsiderhow"in20years,youcouldreallycometoregretthis"...asthoughIhadn't.Itoldhim,"OK,ifIwakeuponedayandrealize,youknow,IwishI'dmadeadifferentdecisionbackthen,thetruthis,I'donlyremovedasinglepathtoparenthood.Ineverneededbiologytoformfamilyanyway."然后他又問我，如果20年后你真的后悔了怎么辦?好像我一定會后悔似的。我告訴他，“如果我有天醒來，意識到我希望當(dāng)時做了一個不同的決定，但其實(shí)我只是少了一條通往做父母的路，無論如何，我從不需要通過生物血緣關(guān)系來組建家庭?！盇ndIwouldmuchratherdealwiththatanydaythandealwithonedaywakingup,realizeI'dhadachildthatIdidn'treallywantorwaspreparedtocarefor.Becauseoneoftheseaffectsonlyme.Theotheraffectsachild,theirdevelopment,theirwell-being--我寧愿隨時面對這件事，而不是有天醒來，意識到我有個孩子，而我卻不想要這個孩子，或者還沒準(zhǔn)備好去照顧他（她）。因?yàn)槠渲械囊粋€選擇影響到的只有我。而另一個選擇則會影響到孩子，包括孩子們的成長和幸?！猘ndhumanbeingsarenottobegambledwith.Hethentellsmewhynoonewasgoingtoapprovethisprocedure,certainlynothe,becauseofaconceptcalledmedicalpaternalism,whichallowshim,asmywell-informedprovider,tomakedecisionsforme...basedonhisperceptionofmybestinterest,regardlessofwhatI,asthepatient,wantorbelieve.Hetakesthisopportunitytostepoutanddiscussmycasewithmypotentialsurgeon,andthroughthedoor,Ihearhimdescribemeasalittlegirl.而孩子們從來不應(yīng)該被拿來賭博。然后他告訴我，為什么沒有人批準(zhǔn)你這個手術(shù)，當(dāng)然不是他，因?yàn)橛袀€概念叫醫(yī)學(xué)家長主義，讓這個見多識廣的醫(yī)生作為我醫(yī)學(xué)上的家長，從而替我做決定...基于他的角度，為我的利益最大化進(jìn)行考量，卻無視我這個病人想要的或者相信的。他借機(jī)出去，與我的主刀醫(yī)生討論我的情況，隔著門，我聽到他把我描述成一個小女孩。Iwassooffended.Iwantedtodefendmyself.Iwantedtoexplicitlyexplaintoeachoneoftheseprovidershowtheyweretreatingme,thatitwasbelittlingandsexist,andIdidn'thavetotakeit.ButIdidtakeit.Iswallowedeverysharpwordinmythroat,clenchedmyjaw,andinsteadansweredeachoneoftheircondescendingquestionsandstatements.IhadcomeherelookingforobjectivityandsupportandinsteadIfeltdismissedandsilenced,andIhatedmyselfforit.IhatedthatIwaslettingpeopledisrespectmerepeatedly.Butthiswasmyoneshot.我特別生氣。我想要捍衛(wèi)自己的權(quán)利。我想向每個醫(yī)生明確解釋，他們是怎么對我的，貶低我，歧視我的性別，我沒有必要受這些氣。但我還是接受了。我把每個刻薄的言語吞進(jìn)肚子里，咬緊牙關(guān)，回應(yīng)了他們每一個傲慢的問題和陳述。我來這里是尋找客觀和支持的，但我卻感到了被驅(qū)逐和被迫沉默，我討厭這樣的自己。我討厭自己讓人們反復(fù)的不尊重我。但這是我唯一的機(jī)會。ThatwasoneofmultipleconsultationsthatIhadtogoto.Atonepoint,Ihadseenfiveorsixmedicalprofessionalsinthesamehour.Thedoortotheexamroomfeltmorelikethedoortoaclowncar.There'smyprimary,there'shiscolleague,thedirector,OK.ItfeltlikeIwasaskingthemtoinfectmewithsmallpoxinsteadof,Idon'tknow,obtainbirthcontrol.這是我必須參加的多次磋商之一。有一次，我在一個小時內(nèi)跟五到六個醫(yī)療專家會面。通往檢驗(yàn)室的門更像是小丑車的門。有我的醫(yī)生，他的同事，還有主任，好吧。感覺好像是我要求他們讓我感染天花，而不是做節(jié)育。ButIdidn'twaver,andIwaspersistent,andIeventuallyconvincedoneofthemtoallowtheprocedure.AndevenasIamintheroom,signingtheconsentformsandgettingthehormoneshotsandtyinguplooseends...mydoctorisshakinghisheadindisapproval."You'llchangeyourmind."但我不是搖擺不定的人，我很堅(jiān)持，終于說服了一個醫(yī)生同意做手術(shù)。即使我在手術(shù)室里，在同意書上簽字，注射了荷爾蒙針，深呼吸準(zhǔn)備的時候，我的醫(yī)生還在搖頭表示不贊同?！澳銜淖兡愕南敕ǖ摹！盜neverreallyunderstoodhowstronglythissocietyclingstothisroleuntilIwentthroughthis.Iexperiencedfirsthand,repeatedly,howpeople,beitmedicalproviders,colleagues,strangers,wereliterallyunabletoseparatemebeingawomanfrommebeingamother.AndI'vealwaysbelievedthathavingchildrenwasanextensionofwomanhood,notthedefinition.我從來沒有真正感受到這個社會對母親角色的執(zhí)著，直到我經(jīng)歷了這一切。我不斷的親身經(jīng)歷，醫(yī)生，同事，陌生人，怎么也無法把我從一個母親和女人的身份中區(qū)別開來。我一直相信，生育子女是女性身份的延伸而非定義。Ibelievethatawoman'svalueshouldneverbedeterminedbywhetherornotshehasachild,becausethatstripsherofherentireidentityasanadultuntoherself.Womenhavethisamazingabilitytocreatelife,butwhenwesaythatthatisherpurpose,thatsaysthatherentireexistenceisameanstoanend.我相信一個女人的價(jià)值不應(yīng)該以是否有孩子來判斷，因?yàn)檫@剝離了她作為成年人的整個身份。女人有創(chuàng)造生命的奇妙能力，但當(dāng)我們說這是她生命的意義時，就等于說她的存在只是實(shí)現(xiàn)這種意義的手段。It'ssoeasytoforgettherolesthatsocietyplacesonusaresomuchmorethanmeretitles.Whatabouttheweightthatcomeswiththem,thepressuretoconformtothesestandards...thefearassociatedwithquestioningthem,andthedesiresthatwecastasidetoacceptthem?Therearemanypathstohappinessandfulfillment.Theyalllookverydifferent,butIbelievethateveryoneispavedwiththerighttoself-determination.我們很容易忘記，社會賦予我們的角色遠(yuǎn)比頭銜來的重要。那么那些隨角色而來的重量、遵守規(guī)則的壓力、質(zhì)疑他們帶來的恐懼、為接受他們而拋棄的欲望，又該怎么辦呢？通往幸福和滿足的路有很多。它們看上去都不一樣，但我相信每個人都能自主決定如何鋪設(shè)這條路。Iwantwomentoknowthatyourchoicetoembraceorforegomotherhoodisnotinanywaytiedtoyourworthinessoridentityasspouses,asadults,oraswomen...andthereabsolutelyisachoicebehindmaternity,anditi