1、作文講評(píng),西安交通大學(xué)附屬中學(xué) 吳旭飛,Contents,1. Understanding the topic,教育部倡導(dǎo)學(xué)生：每天鍛煉一小時(shí)；健康工作五十年；幸 福工作一輩子。請(qǐng)你根據(jù)以上提示，用英語(yǔ)準(zhǔn)備一份發(fā)言 稿，向同學(xué)們講述一下陽(yáng)光體育活動(dòng)的有關(guān)情況，并就高 中學(xué)生是否需要每天花一小時(shí)鍛煉，談?wù)勀愕目捶袄碛伞?注意： 發(fā)言稿應(yīng)包括以上所有信息，要有適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。 詞數(shù)：100左右。 參考詞匯： 陽(yáng)光體育活動(dòng)：a national student sports program; 教育部: the Ministry of Education,2. Analysis of students w

2、ritings,A good writing,2.1 Structure,Speech,Greetings,Hello, everyone! Today, I will talk about something about a national student sports program. As we all know, the Ministry of Education encouraged us to do sport an hour every day. They think it will make us healthy and live happily. I agree with

3、them. In my opinion, doing exercise is a very important thing in our life. Although we senior high school students are very busy with studying, we should spend time doing exercise, because our body is more important than our grades. If we cant have a healthy body, we will study more difficultly, suc

4、h as sleeping in class. However, if we do sport an hour every day, we will have a good body, then we will not get tired and have a bad life. All in all, do sport is the most important. Dont be lazy, just do sport now! Come on! (Zhang Jingtian),The Ministry of Education said that students should exer

5、cise for an hour every day so that we could be healthy and happy forever. My opinion about it is that we really need to exercise every day. Our schoolwork is very difficult for us. We all need a healthy body so that we could study hard. Besides, exercising can help us think more clearly. We should a

6、ll exercise for an hour every day. If youre fond of running, you could run for thousands meters on the playground. If you dont like running, you could try to dance, it could keep you fit and healthy. Football is also a good choice. Football is a very popular sport now. Nearly every boy in our school

7、 could play football very well. Sometimes we might have football matches. Football is also a healthy sport, you could also try it to keep healthy if you want to. Health is very important to us all. We all need to exercise every day! Lets go exercise! (Zhang Shuhua),Introduction,Body,Conclusion,Compl

8、eteness Including all the key points general statement specific details Coherence: Logical relation between linguistic units Avoiding redundancy,2.2 Content,Analysis 1,I think high school students should spend one hour exercising every day. Because exercising is necessary to us, and we need a relax

9、for our bodies.,Health is very important to us all. We all need to exercise every day. Lets go exercise!,Too general!,Sample: As far as I am concerned, it is highly necessary for high school students to work out an hour every day. As the saying goes: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Spe

10、nding some time doing exercise every day can relieve ourselves from the pressure of study. For instance,Analysis 2,Students all over the world should spend an hour to exercise every day. It can help us to have a strong body to study. Many students joke about how less time they have to do homework, r

11、ather than how less time they have to do sports. If you dont have a healthy body, you will not study well.,Lack of coherence!,Although high school students are occupied with the homework, they can still manage to squeeze some time for exercise.,Analysis 3,Paragraph 1 It is said that the Ministry of

12、Education suggests students that they exercise for an hour every day, they will work healthily for fifty years, and they will lead a healthy life, too.,Paragraph 2 The government has held a national students sports program. According to the program, we have to do sports every day. It is great funny

13、because it has never been executed.,Redundancy!,2.3 Language,Analysis 1,Students should exercise for an hour every day. We all need to exercise every day! Lets go exercise！ It is very important to take exercise everyday. Play sports an hour every day is most important, and an hour isnt very long for

14、 us. By the exercise, our physical health will increase, and we may hardly ever get the illness, then, we can pay more attention to study.,Lack of variety!,How to express your opinion?,Most students use: I think; in my opinion, I argue; We can also use: As far as I am concerned, as for me, for my pa

15、rt, personally speaking, in my view, I maintain that, as I see it, from my point of view; from where I stand,Analysis 2,They also provide many different sorts of exercises to let students choose. Also, exercising can provide us a spare time among the busy studying.,Unidiomatic expressions!,All sorts

16、 of exercise can be available for students to choose. We students can strike a balance between studying and exercising.,Analysis 2,Unidiomatic expressions!,It can also protect us from illness so that we can study efficiently. The Ministry of Education urges/calls on students to exercise an hour ever

17、y day.,It also can preserve us from illness in order to let us study with high quality. The Ministry of Education let students exercise an hour every day.,Analysis 3,All in all, health is the most important step lead to success. For instance, a short-time running in the morning, a football club and

18、so on.,I always feel tired and easily to be illness. From where I stand, exercising is not only do sport in your free time, you can also exercise in the PE class.,Grammatical mistakes!,表示順序 first of all, to begin with, firstly, secondly, then, finally 表示對(duì)等、選擇或遞進(jìn)關(guān)系 and, or, as well, also, besides, whats more, moreover, furthermore, in addit