Unit3SeekingAdvice補(bǔ)充文檔

（Howtogivepeopleadvice）

Theonlythingtodowithgoodadviceispassiton.Itisneveranyusetooneself.--OscarWilde

Firstofall,makesurethatthepersonwhoistalkingtoyouisactuallysolicitingadvice.Heorshemayjustwantyoutolistenandbeagoodfriend,seekinginsteadunderstanding,empathy,andcompassion.Don’tassumethateveryonewantsadvice.Youmayhavesomeinsightintotheproblem(s),butyoureallyneedtolistenattentivelytoapersonfirstforaverylongtimetounderstandthesituation.If,andonlyif,yourfriendactuallyASKSforadviceshouldyouthenfurnishit.

Itisagreathonortobeaskedforadvice,butitisalsoabig.Goodadvicecanhelppeoplemakesoundorfindtherightpathinlife,whilebadadvicecanhavedisastrousconsequences.Fortunately,withalittleforethoughtyoucanweedoutthegoodfromthe

Steps1

tothepersonaskingyouforadvice.Everysituationisunique,soneverassumeyouknowallyouneedtoknowaboutaproblem.Listencarefullytothepersonwhowantsadvice,andlearnasmuchaspossibleaboutthissituation.Ifyouneedclarification,ask.Beinganwillnotonlyhelpyougivegoodadvice,itwillalsoincreasethechancesthatthepersonwilltakeyouradvice.

Steps2

Putyourselfintheadvisee’sshoes.Trytoimagineyourselfintheotherperson’ssituation.Ifyou’vebeeninasimilarsituation,thinkaboutwhatyoulearned,butdon’trelysolelyonyourexperiencestogiveadvice--imaginethatyouaregivingyourselfadvicefortheuniquecircumstancesthattheotherpersonisfacing.

Steps3

Thinkabouttheconsequencesoftakingyouradvice.Whileyou’reatit,thinkabouttheconsequencesofnottakingyouradvice.Ifthere’snosignificantdifferencebetweentheresultsofthosetwoscenarios,youradvicemightnotbebad,butit’snotusefuleither.Dittoiftheactionyouadviseisimpossible.Ifyoucanenvisionthepathyousuggestleadingtoaworseresultthananalternativepathwould,youradviceprobablyisbad.

Takeyourtime.Whenpossible,thinklongandhardaboutallthepossiblecoursesofactionandconsidertheprosandcons(orthebenefitsandcosts)ofeach.Thisisespeciallyimportantformorecomplexproblems.

Thinkaboutboththeshorttermandlongtermconsequencesofyouradvice.Veryimportantdecisionsareusuallyveryimportantbecauseoftheirlongtermeffects.Thinkasfardowntheroadaspossible.

Steps4

Empathize.Manymattersrequiresensitivityandthoughtfulness.Ifyoureallytrytoputyourselfintheotherperson’sshoes(assuggestedabove),empathywillprobablydevelopnaturally.Evenso,beverycarefulabouthowyouwordyouradviceandbesensitivetotheotherperson’sfeelingsandemotionalstate.Givingadviceismorethanaexercise.Itusuallyinvolveshelpingapersonsortthroughconflictingasmuchasconflictingchoices.

Steps5

withtheperson.Sometimesthereisnoclear-cutrightanswertoaproblem.Inthiscase,trytohelpthepersonmulloverallthealternativessothatheorshecanreachaconclusiontogetherwithyouorontheirown.Evenforverysimplequestions,itcanbebeneficialtohelpthepersondevelophisorherownadvice,ifonlyforthereasonthatheorsheismorelikelytotakeit.

Steps6

Be.Ifyouradvisedcourseofactionhaspotentialdrawbacks,tellthepersonaboutthem.Ifyoudon’treallyfeelqualifiedorknowledgeableenoughaboutsomethingtogiveadviceonit,behonestaboutthisfact.Yourgoalshouldnotbetoblindlyleadtheperson,butrathertohelphimorhermakeagooddecision,sodon’tactlikea.

Steps7

Setagoodexample.Ifyouadviseonethingbutdotheopposite,youradvicewillbeseenasphonyandhypocritical.Ifyoudoasyousay,however,peoplewillbemorelikelytorespectyouradvice.

Steps8

Understandthatthepersonmaynottakeyouradvice.Justbecausesomeoneasksforyouradvice,theyarenotobligatedtotakeit.Realizethattheotherpersonalmostalwaysknowsmoreabouttheirparticularsituationanddesiresthanyoudo,soyoucanneverbesurethatyouradviceisreallythebestforthem.Understandthatpeoplewillsometim