人鳥情未了讀后續(xù)寫Zoe2023浙江高考首考Contents目錄story-arc

01.故事線02.語言風(fēng)格polishinglanguage03.語言表達(dá)Examplewritings04.下水作文及積累languageanalysis

story-arc

01.故事線

Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend’sfarminwesternWashingion.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindow

caught

my

attentions,soIentered

it.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鳥),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewas

covered

in

spider-webs(蛛網(wǎng))andwasbarelyabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.

Withthebirdinmy

cuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshehadgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikely

answer.I

stuffedapieceof

clothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.

WhenIopenedmy

hand

thebirddidnotflyaway:shesatlookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehad

been

strugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?

As

I

carriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshe

soon

tookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.Hovering(懸停),sheapproachedwithinsix

inches

of

my

face.For

a

verylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherhead

fromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutof

sight.

Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenlet

outa

squeakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,"Shemusthavecometosaygood-bye."

回憶版Para1:Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.Para2:Iwasjustabouttoleave,whenthehummingbirdappeared.人與自然：人與動物之間的趣事,體現(xiàn)人與自然的和諧相處。第一人稱視角主題視角梗概講述了主人公“我”發(fā)現(xiàn)一個廢棄房子里有一只蜂鳥被蜘蛛網(wǎng)困住了，“我”把蜂鳥救了。在“我”要離開時，蜂鳥停在我面前，似乎在告別。IwenttoafarmstasisIfoundatrappedhummingbirdandsavedittriggerItcamebacktomewenttosaygoodbyeclimaxIcamebacktothefarmrevesalthehummingbirdappearedresulotion分析詞頻，抓住故事主線(wordfrequencyanalysis)Ishe(hummingbird)文章主線圍繞兩個高頻詞：I&she(hummingbird)，續(xù)寫應(yīng)該圍繞“I”在幫助“hummingbird”之后，hummingbird異常的表示感激的舉動以及我的感受展開闡述。02.語言風(fēng)格languageanalysis

文章語言風(fēng)格分析

Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.蜂鳥表現(xiàn)出類似人類的情感：感謝蜂鳥作為野生鳥類，表示感謝的方式

Hovering(懸停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.保持一定距離

Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.定睛看人的眼睛，發(fā)出叫聲文章語言風(fēng)格分析

Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?心理活動：主人公對蜂鳥的行為進(jìn)行猜測話語：旁觀人對蜂鳥的行為進(jìn)行猜測Thensomeonesaid,"Shemusthavecometosaygood-bye."polishinglanguage03.語言表達(dá)Para1:Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.AsIpassedthemilkinghouseagain,Isawthewindowrepaired.潤色及細(xì)化語言表達(dá)WhenpassingthefamiliardesertedmilkinghousewhereIlastmetmyhummingbirdfriend,Iinstantlynoticedthebrokenwindowhadbeenreplacedaspromised.呼應(yīng)前文的走時交代主人的情節(jié)Para1:Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.Ithoughtaboutthehummingbird.潤色語言表達(dá)Icouldnothelptofondlyrecallthelovelyhummingbirdthatcharmedeveryoneofuswithitsdeterminationtobidfarewell.Whatacuteandintelligentcreatureitwas!呼應(yīng)前文走時的情節(jié)Para1:Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.Iwishedtoseethehummingbirdagain.潤色語言表達(dá)Asamatteroffact,IsecrectlymadeawishtoseeheronceagainsomehowandsomewhereinthisexpeditionthoughIknewdeepdowninmyheartitwasanextravagantidea.Thingswentasplannedandasusual,cheerfullybutnotsurprisingly.呼應(yīng)前文出現(xiàn)“我”的心理活動Para2:Iwasjustabouttoleave,whenthehummingbirdappeared.Thehummingbirdagainhoveredabove,andsearchedmetosaygoodbye.潤色細(xì)化語言表達(dá)Itsenergeticwingsflippedwithunusualfrequencyanditsshiningcrystaleyesconstantlysearchedforanacquaintantface,untilshespottedme.Welookedintoeachother’seyesandsomethingsupernaturalandunspeakablelikeakindofcommuniciationoccurredbetweenus.呼應(yīng)前文蜂鳥的行為Para2:Iwasjustabouttoleave,whenthehummingbirdappeared.Thehummingbirdexpressedhergratitude.潤色細(xì)化語言表達(dá)Thisamazinglittlebirdwithshockingmemoryuseditsuniquewaytoexpresshergratitudetoahumanfriend.Naturewassoadorableandmysteriousthatweallfeltawedandhumblewhenfacedwithit.主題升華Examplewritings04.下水作文及題源Lem下水作文

Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.Istillrememberedmyfriends’promisesoIwentpasttheabandonedmilkinghousetoseeiftheyhadfixedthebrokenwindow.Tomysatisfaction,noothertinycreatureswouldmeetthistroubleanymore.AsIapproachedthefarm,aspicysmellofthebarbecuegreetedmynose,urgingmetowalkfaster.Weweretotallyimmersedinthepeacefulatmosphere,enjoyingthedelicatecuisines,talkingaboutourinterestingexperiencesandsingingsongstillthesunset.Theeveningglowspreadingthefarm,itwastimeforustosaygoodbyesowewenttotheparkinglottogether.

Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.Withasqueakingcall,shedivedtowardsmeandhoveredbeforemyface,lookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Thenshestoppedonmyleftshoulder.Ipattedheronthebackwhichwascoveredbycolorfulfeathers.AndItookoutmywaterbottle,tryingtogivehersomewater.Contentandjoyful,sheflewabout2metersabovetheground,turningherheadfromsidetosideasifexpressinghergratitudeforsavingherlifetomeagain.Atthatmoment,merrinessandtouchmingled,wellingupintomyheart,tearsrollingdownmycheeks.鄒飛麗下水作文

Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.WhenpassingthefamiliardesertedmilkinghousewhereIlastmetmyhummingbirdfriend,Iinstantlynoticedthebrokenwindowhadbeenreplacedaspromised.Icouldnothelptofondlyrecallthelovelyhummingbirdthatcharmedeveryoneofuswithitsdeterminationtobidfarewell.Whatacuteandintelligentcreatureitwas!Asamatteroffact,IsecrectlymadeawishtoseeheronceagainsomehowandsomewhereinthisexpeditionthoughIknewdeepdowninmyheartitwasanextravagantidea.Thingswentasplannedandasusual,cheerfullybutnotsurprisingly.

Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.Itsenergeticwingsflippedwithunusualfrequencyanditsshiningcrystaleyesconstantlysearchedforanacquaintantface,untilshespottedme.Welookedintoeachother’seyesandsomethingsupernaturalandunspeakablelikeakindofcommuniciationoccurredbetweenus.Itcametograntmetheluxurytoseeheragain.Thisamazinglittlebirdwithshockingmemoryuseditsuniquewaytoexpresshergratitudetoahumanfriend.Naturewassoadorableandmysteriousthatweallfeltawedandhumblewhenfacedwithit.bonus

05.拓展積累2017年（全國1卷）B篇文章字?jǐn)?shù)：296體裁：記敘文難度：中等本篇文章主要講了救助小鳥的經(jīng)歷IworkwithVolunteersforWildlife,arescueandeducationorganizationatBaileyArboretuminLocustValley.Tryingtohelpinjured,displacedorsickcreaturescanbeheartbreaking;survivalisnevercertain.However,whenitworks,itissimplybeautiful.IgotarescuecallfromawomaninMuttontown.Shehadfoundayoungowl(貓頭鷹)ontheground.WhenIarrived,Isawa2-to3-week-oldowl.Ithadalreadybeenplacedinacarrierforsafety.Iexaminedthechick(雛鳥)anditseemedfine.IfIcouldlocatethenest,Imighthavebeenabletoputitback,butnoluck.Mynextworkwastoconstructanestandanchoritinatree.Thehomeownerwasveryhelpful.Awirebasketwasfound.Iputsomepinebranchesintothebaskettomakethisnestsafeandcomfortable.Iplacedthechickinthenest,anditquicklycalmeddown.Nowallthatwasneededweretheparents,buttheywereabsent.Igavethehomeownerarecordingofthehungerscreamsofowlchicks.Theseadvertisethepresenceofchickstoadults;theymightalsoencourageourchicktostartcallingaswell.Igavetheownerasmuchinformationaspossibleandheadedhometoseewhatnewsthenightmightbring.

Anervousnighttobesure,

butsometimesthespiritsofnaturesmileonusall!Thehomeownercalledtosaythattheparentshadrespondedtotherecordings.

Idroveoverandsawthechickinthenestlookinghealthyandactive.

Anditwasaccompaniedinthenestbythegreatestsightofall—LUNCH!Theparentshaddonetheirdutyandwouldprobablycontinuetodoso.拓展積累關(guān)于救助小鳥表述

It’sabout250milesfromthehillsofwest-centralIowatoEhlers’homeinMinnesota.Duringthelongtriphome,followingaweekendofhunting.Ehlersthoughtaboutthesmalldoghehadseentremblingalongsidetheroad.Hehadtriedtocoax（哄）thedogtohimbut,frightened,ithadrunoff.

Backhome,Ehlerswastroubledbythatlostdog.So,fourdayslater,hecalledhisfriendGreg,andthetwodroveback.AfteralongandcarefulsearchGregsaw,acrossafield,thedogmoving