ReadingAAboutayearago,asacollegefreshmanatCornell,IwasassignedashortvideoprojectformyIntrotoDigitalMediacourse.Idecidedtofocusonmydisappointmentwiththeearlyweeksofcollege:HowIcouldn’tgetpastsuperficialconversation,howIcouldn’tseemtoenjoyparties,feelcomfortableoncampus,orjustmeetpeoplewhoIwantedtospendmoretimearound.Ifeltsolostandbeyondconfused.IhadbeenaprettysocialpersoninhighschoolandIfullyexpectedtomakegreatfriendsrightawaywhenIgottocollege.It’ssupposedtobethetimeofyourlife,right?2ReadingAIhadbeenlookingforwardtocollegeforyears.Istartedstudyingforstandardizedtestsinthe10thyear,hammeringoutextracurricularactivitiesandA.P.coursesallthroughthe11thyear,andspentmysenioryeartypingapplicationstillmyfingerspracticallybled.Igotintoagreatschool,pleasingmyselfandmyfamily.ThiswasnotthepayoffIexpected.3TheworstpartwasthatIfeltasifIweretheonlyonewhowasthislonely.I’dseeallthesefreshmenwalkinpacks—justmassivegroupsoffriendsalreadyformedinthefirsttwoweeksofschool.Icouldn’tmusterthecouragetoaskpeopletogetlunch.Itwassofrustrating.Iimmediatelyturnedonmyself—criticizedandblamedmyselfforbeingweirdandunapproachable.4ReadingAIspentatonoftimeonsocialmedia,constantlycheckinginonmyhighschoolfriendsandseeinghowtheyweregettingalongattheircolleges.They’dpostmoreandtextmeless.Ireallytriedtoputmyselfoutthere,butthemorepeopleImet,themoredefeatedIfelt.Iwasn’tinterestedinforgingfakerelationshipsoutofnecessity,IwantedgenuinefriendshipsthatIcouldtreasure.Whycouldn’tIfindtheminmyfirstmonthoncampus?5ReadingAIpouredmylonelinessintothefour-and-a-half-minutefilmImade,called"MyCollegeTransition".IposteditonYouTubeexpectingonlymyprofessorandacoupleoffriendstoseeit.Itnowhasover275,000viewsandhundredsofcomments.Ihadstudentsfromalloverthecountryreachouttomeandexpresstheirexperiences,thankingmeformakingthemfeellessalone.Itwasoverwhelminginthemostbeautifulway,andwasfurtherproofthatIwasn'taloneinmyexperience.Italsoshowedhownecessaryitwasforpeopletobeopenaboutisolationoncollegecampuses.6ReadingANowasophomore,Iseehowridiculousmyexpectationswereformyfirstyear.ToassumeIcouldinstantlymeetmyNewBestFriendswhilealsogettingusedtoanewplace,startinganewacademiccareer,andlearninghowtoadjusttolifeawayfromhome-that'safullplatealready.SomeofthehighschoolfriendsIwasmissinghadbeenmyfriendsformywholelife.Expectingcloserelationshipsliketheonesthathadtakenyearstodevelopwasunfairtomyselfandthepeoplearoundme.Goingtocollegeisamassivechange-somanystudentsarebeinguprootedfromthefamiliarcomfortsoftheirhomesandthrustintoacompletelynewplace.Itwasunrealisticformetoanticipateaseamlesstransition.78ReadingAAfterIpostedthevideo,Ihadpeopleofallagesandgendersreachingouttome,explaininghowtheyfeltthesamewaywhentheystartedanewjob,whentheymovedtoanewplace,evenwhentheystartedretirement.Lonelinessistoooftenpairedwithself-blameandself-criticism:"Ican'tfindmyplaceamongthesepeople,soitmustbemyfault."Mysociallifebecameabiggameoftrialanderror,slowlylearninginwhichgroupsIfeltwelcomeandincluded.Itwashard!Itwasdraining!Butbyputtingmyselfoutthere,Ifoundsomanycommunitiesoncampustoinvestmyselfin,andwhereIknewIwouldbehappilyreceived.9ReadingBIschildhoodthegoldeneraoffriendship?Andcanyougetthoserelationshipsback?Theotherday,ItookdownfromtheshelfabeautifulnovelbyWilliamMaxwell—SoLong,SeeYouTomorrow—andIrealizedthetitlealonesummonstheunspokenbond,theconstantavailability,therelentlesspromisethatfriendshipiswhenyouare12.MygreatfriendatthatagewasMarkMacDonald.ReflectionsonTrueFriendship1ReadingBWewouldbeupatthecrackofdawntowanderoverthefields,scanthebeachesforcoins,climbthehillstogetherandsitinthegraveyardcomparingourplansforworlddomination.MarkhadCrohn’sdisease;hewasofteninhospital,andwe’dwritetoeachotherplanningouradventuresforthesummer.HetoldmeIwasagoodwriterandItoldhimhewasagreatpainter,beforewedisappearedfromeachother’slives.Ihaven’tseenhimfor30years.WhenIrecentlytriedtofindMarkagain,hedidn’tappeartoexist.LiketheboysinMaxwell’snovel,heseemedlikeafigment,orafragilepieceofmemorythatcrumbleswhenyouturnitinyourhands.Hewasn’ttobefoundattheoldaddressIhadforhimintheseasidetownofSaltcoats.HisnameisapopularoneonFacebook,butnoneoftheMarksIfoundwastheoneIknew,andhewasn’tonTwitterorInstagrameither.NoneofthesearchenginesrevealanythingaboutMark.Itrieddeathcertificates,fearing,asIhaveforalongtime,thatmyoldfriendmighthavedied.Iaskedmymotherifanyofherfriendshadkeptintouchwiththefamilybutnonehad.Icouldremembertwoofhissisters’namesbuttheydidn’tshowupontheInterneteither.2ReadingBWhenIwentbacktoScotlandrecently,Idrovetothesquarewhereweoncelived,andIlookedupatthewindowofmyoldhouse,rememberinghowIusedtoshineatorchfromtheretoMark’sbedroom.Twoflashesmeant“goodnight”.Threeflashesmeant“seeyoutomorrow”.ReadingBIwonderiftechnologyhaschangedthemeaningoffriendship.Mydaughteris12andmostthingsthathappentoherarephotographed.Sheandherfriendsgettogetherandspendhourstryingoutposes,makingvideos,retouchingthem,settingthemtomusicandpostingthemonthisorthatsocialmedianetwork.I’msurethegirlsarebondedinmanyofthetraditionalways,butIalsowonderifthey’lleverlosesightofeachother.Ithinkwealwaysknewwewouldmoveoninlifeandthatourgreatfriendshipswouldbeamatterofmemory.Idon’thaveasinglephotographofMarkMacDonald.Idon’tthinkwewereeverphotographedtogether,andthataddstothenotionthatourfriendshipwasafiction.3ReadingBAsacontrast,apairofexcellentyoungstersinmywiderfamilyhaveover1,000Facebook“friends”betweenthem.Theysaytheydon’tknowhalfofthem.Thesocialnetworkgivesthemtheoptionofcorrallingpeopleinto“closefriends”or“acquaintances,”and,naturally,theyalwayshavetheoptionofclicking“unfriend.”Butarethemajorityofthesepeoplefriendsorareth