1、英語作文如何修改,青浦一中 朱守哲 leeden_tisa,“My Way to Learn English”,As we all know, English learning is more and more important. Its a big problem to improve our English. I used to be poor at English. But after trying many useful ways, I make some progress. I was poor at reciting. To slove this problem, I write

2、 down the words list. I read it when I am waiting for the bus or waiting in line. After using this way and working hard, my English has improved a lot. What a useful way to learn English.,簡析,寫英語學(xué)習(xí)方法也是十分熱門的考題。 這篇文章中規(guī)中矩，思路較為清晰，語法也沒有錯誤。但在考場上也拿不了高分，以上海2012中考評分為例，本文最多是7+8+2=17分。 這篇文章要修改，主要可從以下幾個問題上入手： 語言

3、平平無奇、繁瑣； 句式單一； 缺少復(fù)合句； 缺少中心句； 接下來我們一個點(diǎn)一個點(diǎn)地來修改。,1,As we all know, English learning is more and more important. Its a big problem to improve our English. As far as Im concerned, Its such an urgent problem to learn English well because of the wider use of English. 潤色語言（改換已經(jīng)用爛了的短語）； 添加復(fù)合句（because of）,2,I

4、 used to be poor at English. But after trying many useful ways, I make some progress. I was poor at reciting. 語言重復(fù)繁瑣且單調(diào)。 改：I used to be poor at reciting English words. 注：使用了方法并取得進(jìn)步可以放在后文進(jìn)行具體的交代。,3,To slove this problem, I write down the words list. I read it when I am waiting for the bus or waiting

5、in line. 改換成更為自然的介詞短語，并改換其在句中的位置（為了突出“我”所用的學(xué)習(xí)方法）。此外簡化語言。 I try writing down the words list and carry it with me so as to memorize them efficiently and go over them anytime.,4,After using this way and working hard, my English has improved a lot. 語言繁瑣卻不能表達(dá)中心。 改：With the help of this useful way and my

6、hard work, I make big progress in my English learning. 注：看似句子變長了，但是將時間狀語改為介詞短語，更加能突出這種學(xué)習(xí)方法對我的幫助之大。而且后半句明確點(diǎn)出我獲益于這種方法。 這句話也成了全文的中心句！,5,What a useful way to learn English. 這種結(jié)尾真是太不給力了，一點(diǎn)都不出彩。如果放在一篇好文章的結(jié)尾顯得虎頭蛇尾，很有可能會影響閱卷老師的最后評分。 改：Therefore, why not try the way yourself to improve you English. 使用提議的句型能在

7、總結(jié)的基礎(chǔ)上發(fā)出呼告。,改后范文,As far as Im concerned, Its such an urgent problem to learn English well because of the wider use of English. I used to be poor at reciting English words. I try writing down the words list and carry it with me so as to memorize them efficiently and go over them anytime. With the help of this useful way and my hard work, I make big progress in my English learning. Therefore, why not try the way yourself to improve you E