讀后續(xù)寫課件：情節(jié)連貫與情緒刻畫——以“父親陪讀”材料為例教學(xué)目標(biāo)1.梳理原文情節(jié)脈絡(luò)，把握人物性格與核心沖突2.掌握讀后續(xù)寫“情節(jié)連貫”“情緒真實(shí)”的核心技巧3.能結(jié)合給定段落開頭，完成邏輯通順、情感飽滿的續(xù)寫原文材料深度解析

InTexas,aconcernedfathernamedBradleylearnedthathis17-year-oldson,Brad,wascausingtroubleatschool.Itwasn’tjustaone-timeoccurrence;Brad’sphysicsteacherhadcomplainedmultipletimesabouthisconstanttalkingduringclass.Asaresult,Bradleywasfacedwiththechallengeoffindinganeffectivewaytodisciplinehissonandteachhimavaluablelesson.Inamomentofinspiration,Bradleycameupwithanideathatparentsaroundtheworldwouldlaterpraisehimfor.Hedecidedtoteachhissonalesson.Hedeclared,“Ifwereceiveanothercallfromyourphysicsteacher,Iwillgotoyourschoolandsitbesideyouinclass.”However,Braddidn’ttakehisfather’swordsseriouslyandcontinuedhislooseconductinhisphysicsclass.Andhisfatherreceivedanothercallfromtheteacher,andnowitwastimeforthefathertokeephispromise.

Fridayarrived,andBradley,whonormallyhadthisdayofffromwork,wasawakenedbyhiswife.Hereluctantlygotreadytogotohisson’sschool.Uponarrivingattheschool,hemadehiswaytoBrad’sphysicsclassroom.Theotherstudentschattedjoyfully,unawareofwhatwasabouttohappen.Bradenteredtheroomasusual,andtohisshock,hesawhisfathersittingbyhisdesk.Ithithimlikeatonofbricks.Hisdadhadactuallycometoschoolandwassittingrightnexttohiminclass.Theoncehappy-go-luckyteenagerwasnowfilledwithembarrassmentandregret.Throughouttheclass,Bradleysilentlyobservedhisson’sbehavior.Hewitnessedfirst-handthedisruptivecommentsandconstanttalkingthathadbeencausingsomuchtrouble.ItwasclearthatBradwasnottakinghiseducationseriously,andhisfatherrealizedthatsomethingneededtobechanged.1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150個(gè)左右;2.請按如下格式在相應(yīng)位置作答。Aftertheclassended,Bradleyapologizedtothephysicsteacherforhisson’sbehavior.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,hisfatherwasalreadywaitingforhim.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

核心要素梳理

人物介紹Bradley（父親）：理性有原則，重視教育，陪讀引導(dǎo)兒子\nBrad（兒子）：17歲，叛逆松散，課堂搗亂，后感尷尬后悔\n物理老師：多次投訴，觸發(fā)情節(jié)

情節(jié)發(fā)展兒子課堂搗亂，父親承諾再犯則陪讀。兒子未改，父親兌現(xiàn)承諾陪讀，兒子羞愧后悔，父親目睹問題。

核心矛盾兒子的叛逆松散vs父親的教育原則兒子的僥幸心理vs父親的守信態(tài)度

未完待續(xù)課后父親向老師道歉的具體過程與對話2.兒子回家后與父親的溝通及態(tài)度轉(zhuǎn)變關(guān)鍵情緒與伏筆

兒子情緒變化無所謂（不重視承諾）→震驚（看到父親）→尷尬+后悔（課堂中）→？（課后+回家后）。

父親情緒與目的父親的情緒與目的：擔(dān)憂（兒子違紀(jì)）→堅(jiān)定（兌現(xiàn)承諾）→凝重（目睹搗亂）→？（課后溝通，引導(dǎo)兒子改正）。續(xù)寫思路拆解（結(jié)合開頭句）AftertheclassendedBradleyapologizedtothephysicsteacherforhisson’sbehavior

情節(jié)發(fā)展方向（必含要素）父親道歉的具體內(nèi)容：承認(rèn)兒子錯(cuò)誤、表達(dá)教育決心、感謝老師提醒老師的回應(yīng)：理解父親的用心、客觀反饋兒子的課堂表現(xiàn)、給出教育建議兒子的在場反應(yīng)：目睹父親道歉時(shí)的心理活動（愧疚、羞愧加?。?、動作表現(xiàn)（低頭、攥緊拳頭等）邏輯銜接要點(diǎn)承接原文“父親目睹兒子搗亂”的情節(jié)，通過“道歉—回應(yīng)—兒子反應(yīng)”的互動，推動“兒子認(rèn)識錯(cuò)誤”的情緒遞進(jìn)，為第二段的家庭溝通做鋪墊。LaterthatdayBradreturnedhomehisfatherwasalreadywaitingforhim：情節(jié)發(fā)展方向（必含要素）

父親的溝通方式不嚴(yán)厲指責(zé)，而是理性講述自己的擔(dān)憂、陪讀時(shí)的感受兒子的態(tài)度轉(zhuǎn)變從愧疚到主動認(rèn)錯(cuò)，表達(dá)改正的決心結(jié)局落點(diǎn)達(dá)成教育目的，形成積極的解決辦法（如制定學(xué)習(xí)計(jì)劃、主動向老師道歉等）LaterthatdaywhenBradreturnedhomehisfatherwasalreadywaitingforhim

邏輯銜接要點(diǎn)承接“兒子愧疚加劇”情緒，以父子對話完成“教育—醒悟”閉環(huán)，結(jié)局貼合人物性格，避免突兀轉(zhuǎn)折。核心技巧點(diǎn)撥技巧1：情緒刻畫——用“動作+心理”替代直白表述：

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例直白表述，缺乏畫面感（原錯(cuò)誤）錯(cuò)誤：Bradfeltveryguilty.分析：僅用形容詞“guilty”概括情緒，無法讓讀者直觀感受，感染力弱。修改：Bradhunghishead,hisfingerstwistingnervouslyatthehemofhisschooluniform.Guiltsurgedthroughhimashewatchedhisfatherapologizeearnestly.技巧1：情緒刻畫——用“動作+心理”替代直白表述：

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例

動作與情緒不匹配錯(cuò)誤：Feelingashamed,Bradlaughedloudlyandwavedtohisclassmates.分析：“大笑、揮手”的動作與“羞愧”的情緒矛盾，違背邏輯。修改：Feelingashamed,Bradquicklypulledhiscollarup,tryingtohidehisredfaceandavoidhisclassmates'glances.情緒描寫空洞，無細(xì)節(jié)支撐錯(cuò)誤：Bradwassoembarrassedthathewantedtocry.分析：“想流淚”的情緒未搭配具體動作或心理活動，顯得生硬。修改：EmbarrassmentfloodedBrad'schest,hiseyesstingingslightly.Hebithislowerliptightlytoholdbackthetears,notdaringtomeetanyone'seyes.技巧1：情緒刻畫——用“動作+心理”替代直白表述適用場景描寫兒子愧疚、父親凝重等情緒時(shí)，結(jié)合攥拳、抿唇、眼神躲閃等具體動作細(xì)節(jié)增強(qiáng)感染力。技巧2：情節(jié)連貫——用“對話+細(xì)節(jié)”推動互動

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例1.對話脫離人物身份錯(cuò)誤：父親（暴躁指責(zé)）：“Youidiot!Howdareyoutalkinclassagain!”分析：與原文“理性、有原則”的父親形象不符，情節(jié)轉(zhuǎn)折突兀。正確：父親（理性）：“Ididn’tcometoembarrassyou,buttoletyouknowhowimportantyoureducationistome.”2.對話無意義，不推動情節(jié)錯(cuò)誤：老師：“What’syourname?”父親：“Bradley.”老師：“Nicetomeetyou.”分析：此類閑聊與“道歉、反饋學(xué)生情況”的核心情節(jié)無關(guān)，浪費(fèi)篇幅。正確：老師（客觀）：“Bradisasmartboy.Hejustneedstofocusmoreinclass.Yourpresencetodaymusthavemadehimrealizethat.”技巧2：情節(jié)連貫——用“對話+細(xì)節(jié)”推動互動常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例3.對話生硬，缺乏情感銜接錯(cuò)誤：父親：“Iapologizeformyson.”老師：“Okay.”兒子：“I’msorry.”分析：對話過于簡略，未體現(xiàn)老師的理解、父親的誠意，無法推動情緒遞進(jìn)。正確：父親：“I’mtrulysorryforBrad’sdisruptionthesedays.Ivaluehiseducationdeeplyandwillguidehimtocorrectit.”老師：“Iappreciateyoureffort.Bradhaspotential—withmoreself-discipline,he’llimprove.”兒子（低聲）：“I’msorry,Mr.Smith.Iwon’tdoitagain.”技巧3：結(jié)局升華——貼合主題，傳遞正向價(jià)值

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例1.結(jié)局突兀，無鋪墊錯(cuò)誤：Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,hisfathergavehimanewphone.Bradwashappyandpromisedtostudyhard.分析：“父親送手機(jī)”的情節(jié)無任何鋪墊，與前文“理性教育”的基調(diào)不符，且未體現(xiàn)兒子的真實(shí)醒悟。修改：Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,hisfatherwasalreadywaitingforhim.Bradtooktheinitiativetosay:“Dad,IknowIwaswrong.I’llmakeastudyscheduletonightandhandinallmyhomeworkontime.”技巧3：結(jié)局升華——貼合主題，傳遞正向價(jià)值

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例2.價(jià)值觀偏差，偏離主題錯(cuò)誤：Bradsaidtohisfather:“I’llstoptalkinginclassonlybecauseIdon’twantyoutocometoschoolagain.”分析：兒子的改正并非出于“認(rèn)識錯(cuò)誤、重視教育”，而是害怕尷尬，違背“成長與責(zé)任”的正向主題。修改：Bradlookedathisfathersincerely:“Dad,Irealizetalkinginclassisnotonlydisrespectfultotheteacherbutalsoawasteofmyowntime.Iwanttochangeformyself,notjusttoavoidembarrassment.”技巧3：結(jié)局升華——貼合主題，傳遞正向價(jià)值

常見錯(cuò)誤類型及示例3.情節(jié)未閉環(huán)，無明確落點(diǎn)錯(cuò)誤：Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,heandhisfathertalked.Thentheyhaddinnertogether.分析：未說明談話內(nèi)容、兒子的態(tài)度轉(zhuǎn)變，也未體現(xiàn)教育效果，情節(jié)不完整。修改：Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,hefirstapologizedtohisfatheragain.Thentheysatdowntomakeaweeklystudyplan,withBradpromisingtoasktheteacherforhelpifhehadquestionsinphysicsclass.范文展示與解析（一）完整續(xù)寫范文

Aftertheclassended,Bradleyapologizedtothephysicsteacherforhisson’sbehavior.Hesaidsincerely,“I’mtrulysorryforBrad’sdisruptiveconductthesedays.Iknowithascausedyoualotoftrouble.Ibroughthimheretodaynottopunishhim,buttolethimunderstandtheimportanceofrespectingteachersandclassrules.”Theteachernoddedunderstandingly:“Mr.Bradley,Iappreciateyourdedicationtoeducatingyourson.Bradisactuallyabrightstudent;hejustlacksself-discipline.Today’sexperiencemightbeagoodlessonforhim.”Bradstoodbesidethem,hisfaceburningwithshame.Hestaredatthefloor,unabletolookupateitherhisfatherortheteacher.（一）完整續(xù)寫范文

Laterthatday,whenBradreturnedhome,hisfatherwasalreadywaitingforhim.UnlikeBrad’sexpectationofaseverescolding,Bradley’sexpressionwascalm.Hepattedthesofaandsaid,“Sitdown,son.Let’stalk.”Bradhesitatedforamomentandsatdownslowly.“Iknowyoufeltembarrassedtoday,”Bradleysaidgently.“ButdoyouunderstandwhyIdidthat?”Bradnodded,hisvoicetrembling:“I’msorry,Dad.Ishouldn’thavetalkedinclassandignoredyourwords.I’llchange,Ipromise.”Bradleysmiledfaintly:“Ibelieveyou.Whatmattersisthatyourealizeyourmistake.Fromtomorrowon,let’ssetastudyplantogether,andyoucanaskmeforhelpanytime.”Bradlookedup,te