ShowMetheWaytoGoHome

FirstMaggie,then20,askedStepmomandDadifshecouldstoreafewboxeswiththeminWashingtonwhileshelookedforanotherplacetolive.ThenMaggiesaidshewouldliketomoveintobewithherboxesuntilherboyfriendJoeboughtacondominium.NextMaggieaskedwhetherJoecouldmovein"temporarily"untilthecondodealwasclosed.WhenLucyandPabloSanchezreturnedhomefromvacationlastChristmas,theyfoundtheirsmalllivingroomcrammedwithhisboxesandasecondwelcomematnexttotheirownonthefrontporch.LucySanchezimmediatelydidwhatanylovingbutput-uponparentwoulddo:"Ihadamigraine,"shesays.SuchtalesarebecomingabundantlyfamiliarasAmericanparentsareforcedtomakeroomfortheiradultchildren."Thereisanaivenotionthatchildrengrowupandleavehomewhenthey're18,andthetruthisfarfromthat,"saysSociologistLarryBumpassoftheUniversityofWisconsininMadison.Today,accordingtotheU.S.CensusBureau,59%ofmenand47%ofwomenbetween18and24dependontheirparentsforhousing,somelivingincollegedormsbutmostathome.In1970thefigureswere54%and41%.Also,14%ofmenand8%ofwomenages25to34aredependentontheirparentsforhousing,comparedwith9.5%and6.6%in1970."Thisispartofamajorshiftinthemiddleclass,"&declaresSociologistAllanSchnaibergofNorthwesternUniversity.Heshouldknow:Schnaiberg'sstepson,19,movedbackinafteranabsenceofeightmonths.

Analystsciteavarietyofreasonsforthisreturntothenest.Themarriageageisrising,aconditionthatmakeshomeanditsamenitiesparticularlyattractivetoyoungpeople,sayexperts.Ahighdivorcerateandadecliningremarriageratearesendingeconomicallypressedandemotionallybatteredsurvivorsbacktoparentalshelters.Forsome,theexpenseofanaway-from-homecollegeeducationhasbecomesoexorbitantthatmanystudentsnowattendlocalschools.Evenaftergraduation,youngpeoplefindtheirwingsclippedbyskyrocketinghousingcosts.NotesSociologistCarlfredBroderickoftheUniversityofSouthernCaliforniainLosAngeles,whohasason,31,andadaughter,27,inresidence:"Theyarefindingthatthegoodlifeisnotspontaneouslygeneratedoutthere."

SallieKnighton,26,movedbacktoherparents'suburbanAtlantahometosaveenoughmoneytobuyacar.Herjobasateacherprovidedonlyenoughmoneytocovercarpaymentsandanadditionalloanshehadtakenout.Oncetheloanwaspaidoff,shedecidedtotakeacrackatamodelingcareer.Livingathome,saysKnighton,continuestogivehersecurityandmoralsupport."IfIhadlivedaway,"shesays,"Iwouldbemiserablestillteaching."Hermotherconcurs,"It'sridiculousforthekidstopayallthatmoneyforrent.Itmakessenseforkidstostayathome."BradleyKulat,25,makesabout$20,000ayearasanequipmenttechnicianinahospital.Thatisenoughtosupportamodesthousehold,buthechoosestoliveathisparents'splitlevelranchhouseoutsideChicago,asdoeshissisterPamela,20,whocommutestoanearbycollege.Headmitstoexpensivetastes.Herecentlyboughtan$8,000carandalsoownsan$800stereosystem,a$300ten-speedbikeandanelegantwardrobe.SayshismotherEvelyn:"Itkeepsyouthinkingyounger,tryingtokeepupwiththem."Sharingthefamilyhomerequiresadjustmentsforall.Therearethehasslesoverbathrooms,telephonesandprivacy.Somefamilies,however,managethedelicatebalancingact.At34,EstherRodriguezdreadedreturningtoherparents'Denverhomeafterthreeyearsoflawschoolforcedher$20,000intodebt."Ithoughtitwasgoingtobearestrictiononmyindependence,"sherecalls.Instead,shewastouchedwhenherfatherinstalledadeskandphoneinthebasementsoshewouldhaveaprivatestudy.TheSanchezfamilytoohasmadeasuccessofthearrangement.SaysLucySanchez:"Familyisfamily,andwebelieveandactonthat."Butforothers,thesetupprovestoodifficult.MichelleDelTurco,24,ofEnglewood,Colo.,aDenversuburb,hasbeenhomethreetimes--andleftthreetimes."WhatIconsideredasocialdrink,mydadconsideredanalcoholproblem,"sheexplains."HeneverlikedanyoneIdated,soIeitherhadtosneakaroundormeetthematfriends'houses."

Justhowlongshouldadultchildrenlivewiththeirparentsbeforemovingon?LucilleCarliniofBrooklynreturnedhomewithhertwodaughtersafteradivorce.Thatwasalmosttwelveyearsago.Sheisnow37andherdaughters18and16.TheystilllivewithCarlini'smotherEdie,whohaswelcomedhavingthreegenerationsinthesamehouse.Still,mostpsychologistsfeellengthyhomecomingsareamistake.Offspring,strugglingtoestablishseparateidentities,canwindupwith"asenseofinadequacy,defeatandfailure,"saysKristineKratz,acounselorwiththePersonalDevelopmentInstituteinLosAngeles.Andagingparents,whoshouldbeenjoyingsomefinancialandpersonalfreedom,findthemselvesboggeddownwithresponsibilities.SaysDebraUmberson,aresearcherattheUniversityofMichigan:"Livingwithchildrenofanyageinvolvescompromiseandobligation,factorsthatcanbedetrimentaltosomeaspectsofwell-being.Allchildren,evenadultchildren,requireaccommodationandcreatestress."

Briefvisits,however,canworkbeneficially.Fiveyearsago,EllenRancilioreturnedtotheDetroitareatolivewithherfatherafterhermarriagebrokeup.Sheonlystayedsevenmonths,but"itmadeusmuchcloser,"shesays.Indeed,theexperiencewassopositivethatshewouldnothesitatetoputoutthewelcomematwhenherownthreesonsaregrown.Declaresshe:"IftheyneededhelplikeIdid,yes."

HereCometheDINKs

Double-income,no-kidscouplesarethelatestsubset

Themembersofthisnewlydefinedspeciescanbestbespottedafter9p.m.ingourmetgroceries,theirBurberry-clothedarmsreachingforthearugulaoraLeMenufrozenflounderdinner.Intheparkinglot,theyslideintotheirBMWsandliftcellularphonestotheirearsbeforezoomingofftotheirarchitect-designedhousesintheexurbs.AfterwarmlygreetingRover(oftenanakitaorgoldenretriever),theychecktobesurethepoochservicehasdeliveredhisnutritionallycorrectdogfood.Thentheyconsultthephone-answeringmachine,popdinnerintothemicrowaveandfinallysinkintotheirItalianleathersofatowatchavideocassetteof,say,lastweek'sL.A.LaworCheersontheirhigh-definition,large-screenstereotelevision.

ThesespeedyhighrollersareuppercrustDINKs,double-income,no-kidscouples.Theyflourishinthepriciersuburbsaswellasingentrifiedurbanneighborhoods.Thereisnotimefordeepfreezersorstationwagonsintheirvoracious,nonstopschedules.ManyenterprisingDINKcouplesslaveforacombined100-hour-plusworkweek,apacerelievedbyexoticvacationsandexpensivehealthclubs.Theirhectic"timepoor"life-styleoftenforcesthemtoscheduledinnerswitheachother,andinsomesuperchargedcases,evensex.

ConsiderthepaceofMicheleWard,26,andKennethHoffman,31,topexecutivesatdifferentConnecticutmanagement-consultingfirms."Theprimepurposeofouransweringmachineathomeissowecankeepintouchwitheachother,"saysKenoftheirjammedschedules.Forpleasure,theysailand"cookseriouslytogether,"whippingupvealNormandyorPersianduckinpomegranatesauce.Theysubscribetofourgourmetmagazinesandhaveacollectionof150cookbooks.Mostrecentvacation:threeweeksinTahitiandBoraBora."Partofmewouldlikechildren,but,practicallyspeaking,Idon'tseehow,"saysMichele,whoestimatestheearliestdateforchildbearingis1993.Theirranch-stylehousehasthreebedrooms:oneforthem,oneforthecomputerandonefortheirSamoyed,Dillon.

DavidEagle,33,aHollywoodtelevisionproducer,andNancyWeingrowEagle,31,anentertainmentlawyer,alsofillouttheDINKprofile.Inordertoearntheirheftyincomes,eachoneworks50to60hoursaweek.Theyhavetwodogsandcareforthemthewaytheydecoratetheirhome--whichistosay,lavishly."Earthquake,ourLabrador-huskymix,hasbeautifulblueeyes.Ihaveblueeyes,sopeoplethinkI'mhisfather,"jokesDavid."We'regoingskiingtomorrowandtakingbothdogswithus."Inthelate1960shesupportedEugeneMcCarthyandwaslabeledahippie.Inthelate1970shebecameayuppie,andacceptsDINKasanaturalevolution.LittleDINKerbells,however,arenotyetpartoftheprogression."Wehavebigresponsibilitiesjustbeingdoubleincome-ites,"explainsDavid."Wearen'treadytogiveupthequalitytimethatisnecessarytodevotetoourcareersandtransferthattochildren."

Theoriginoftheacronymisnotknown,butitisoftenattributedtoglibrealestateagentsortoclevermarketingM.B.A.sboredwiththetermyuppie.WhatseparatesDINKsfrommostotherAmericansisamuchgreaterpercentageofdiscretionaryincome."DINKsareoneofthefewgroupsthataredoingmuchbetterthanthepreviousgeneration,"saysFrankLevy,aneconomistattheUniversityofMaryland.SocialpunditswarnthatDINKdomisoftenjustatransitorystate."Itisthemomentbeforetraditionsetsin,"saysFaithPopcorn,chairmanofNewYorkCity'sBrainReserve,ahipconsultingfirm."Thereisadesireforsecurity,privacy,anest.Anythingyoucanmakethatiseasyandsecure,warmandavailable,youcanmarkettotheircocoon."PhilipKotler,professorofmarketingatNorthwestern,dividesDINKsintoupperandlowerclasses:U-DINKsandL-DINKs.Nodoubt,whiletheL-DINKsarerushingtograduatefromKmarttoMarshallField,theU-DINKswillbedesertingtheBananaRepublicforAbercrombie&Fitch.BecausebusyU-DINKstendtomissmass-mediaadvertising,upscalemagazinesanddirectmailarethemosteffectivewaytotargetthem.KotlercitestheSharperImage,atop-of-the-linetechiecatalog,asdefiningU-DINKstyle.

ThebigDINKdilemmaiswhenorwhethertohavechildren.In1986thecostofraisingachildtoage18averagedalmost$100,000;ofcourse,thatfiguredoesnotincludefuturecollegeexpenses.LikemanyDINKs,WilliamCohen,33,anAtlantalawyer,andSusanPenny-Cohen,28,founderofaheadhuntingfirmforlawyersandparalegals,havenotyetplannedtoreproduce."Asourincome人grew,wefoundthatwehadlesstime,"saysWilliam.Northwestern'sKotlersuspectsthatthedouble-incomers'frenzyofconsumptionwillexhaustitself,andmorecoupleswillseechildrenasdesirable:"ChildrenmaybethenextpleasuresourceaftertheDINKshavetriedeverythingelse."

Therefore,DINKswillnotbethelastofthesnappyacronyms.GetreadyfortheTIPS(tinyincome,parentssupporting)andfinallyNINKs(noincome,nokids).

WithreportingbyChristineGorman/NewYorkandBillJohnson/LosAngeles

TrappedBehindtheWheel

Clevercommuterslearntoliveintheslowlane

Therearetrends,alltooeasilydiscernible,indinnerconversations.Thesagaofdomestichelpisapersistentone--prettyworkedoverbynow.Realestateisanongoingturnoff,butthenewbuzzisevenmoreboringandmoreinescapable.Itistraffic.

InascenereplayedthousandsoftimeseacheveninginLosAngeles,NewYork,Chicagoandburgeoningsuburbsnationwide,thelastguestsfora7:30dinnerstragglein40minuteslate,mutteringtheirastonishment--butnot,significantly,theirapologies--thatittookthem90minutestodrivetenmiles.Theirwoesinevitablyinspiretheothergueststoaroundofcompetitivetraffichorrorstoriesthatcontinuewellintotheentree.

Thereistheoneaboutthedriverswhosneakintothelanereservedforcarpoolsbyplantinginflateddummiesinthepassengerseats.Andthepregnantwomanwhosuccessfullyarguedincourtthatsheandherfetuswereentitledtousethecar-poollanebecausetheywereseparatepersons.Thentherearethedaysthatliveinlegend-likeOct.29,1986,whenasinglemidafternoonaccidentontheSanDiegoFreewayspreadgridlockalongconnectingfreewaysandsurfacestreetsfromdowntownLosAngelestotheSanFernandoValley,trappingtensofthousandsofmotoristsforeightfullhours.(SurvivorsofsuchmythicurbanstrugglesbragaboutthemlikegoodoleboysattheVFWbar.)

Therearereasonsforthequickeningnationalparalysis:moreandmorepeopleliveandworkinlocationsthatarenotlinkedtoadequatepublictransport,millionsofwomenhaveenteredtheworkforceandarenewrush-hourdrivers,ingeniousalternativesseemtogetstymiedbylackofimaginationormoneyorboth,and,aboveall,gasischeap.Inplaceswheregasisstillbelowadollar,manydrivershaverevertedtooldhabits,andinsomepartsoftheU.S.atwo-occupantcarisaboutascommonasabaldeagle.

InCaliforniathestategovernmentestimatesthateachday300,000workhoursarelosttotrafficjamsatacostof$2million.OntheCapitalBeltwaynearWashington,gridlockcostsemployersasmuchas$120millionayearinlosttime.Butthetollontheindividualcommuter,usuallylonebuthardlyaranger,isheavierstill.Withouthopeofrelease,hesitsinhislittlecellinhalingexhaustfumesandstaringblanklyatthezincsky.

Somedriverstrytofightthesentence.TakeJeffSeibert,anassociateprofessorofpediatricsattheUniversityofMiamiSchoolofMedicine,whofindsthathis25-minuteridetowork,whichincludestheunpredictableDolphinExpressway,canstretchintoanhourand15minutes."Whentheradiotrafficannounceradvisestostayclearofacertainarea,Idriverighttothatpoint,"hesays,figuringthatthewarninghasclearedthecongestionbydispersingmostcommutersontodifferentroutes.Others,likeKathiDouglas,arecentgraduateofSpelmanCollegeinAtlanta,undergoanattitudechange."I'mlaidbackandtalkative,yetonceIgetontheroad,Ihavenorespectforrulesandregulations,"saysDouglas."Yougettobereallyaggressivebecauseyouthinkit'stheonlywaytogetoutofthismadness."

Extremefrustrationcanleadtoviolence.FourfreewayshootingshavebeenreportedintheLosAngelesareainthepastelevenmonths.OntheSantaAnaFreeway,aspeeddemonangeredbyacarthatdidnotmovefromthefastlanepulledupalongsidetheoffendingvehicleandfatallyshotapassengerinthefrontseat.

Therearesanerapproachestohighwaystasis.KenJenson,28,aLosAngelessalesman,usedtospendmuchofhishour-longcommutesingingwiththeradio.Lastyearhestoppedthemusicandbeganstudyingtobecomeastockbroker."ImadetapesofthetextsandtooknoteswhileIlistenedonthedrivetoandfromwork,"explainsJenson,whoisnowabrokerintheWestwoodofficeofMerrillLynch."It'samazingthatIdidn'thitanyone."Usingtherear-viewmirror,manymenshavewithelectricrazorsandwomenoftenapplytheirmakeup.Somepeopleevendressbehindthewheel.JaniceConover,aHamptonJitneyCo.busdriverwhoregularlypliestheLongIslandExpressway(popularlyknownastheLongIslandParkingLot),hasseenmotoristssoengrossedinthemorningnewspaperthattheydriftfromonelanetowardanother,luckilyatminimalspeed.

Hungrydriversgobblebreakfast,oftenanEggMcMuffin,fromStyrofoamcartonsandslurpcoffeefromno-sloshmugs.Othersbalancecheckbooks,docrosswordpuzzlesanddictatelettersandgrocerylistsintopocket-sizetaperecorders.Hotsummerweekendsofferanopportunityforpassengerstotakepartialchargeofthecar.InchingalongtotheapproachtotheGeorgeWashingtonBridgebetweenNewJerseyandManhattan,occupantsofcarswithoutairconditioningwhofacedelaysofmorethananhourholdthedoorsopenforalittlecirculation.

Itispossibletotransformanautointoaslow-rolling"homeawayfromhome."LarrySchreiner,afree-lancereporterforaChicagoradiostationandseverallocalTVstations,oftenlivesandworksinhisMercedes560SEL."IhaveeverythingIneed,"saysSchreiner,whoselongestcontinuousstretchonwheelswas36hours.Hisofficesuppliesincludefivetwo-wayradios,twocellularphones,oneheadset(sohecantalkonradioshowswhileworkingonvideotapes),twovideocamerasandthreevideorecorders.That'snotall.InthetrunkSchreinerkeepsbatteries,lightingequipment,threestillcameras,telephonebooks,roadmapsandachangeofclothes.

Fornest-buildingcommuters,theplacetogoisChicago'sWarshawsky&Co.,whichbillsitselfasthelargestautopartsandaccessorystoreintheworld.Itoffersin-dashtelevisions($300),compact-discadapters,orthopedicseatcushions,heatedseatsforwinter,andcomputerswithcruisecontrolandestimatedtimeofarrival(upto$149).Upscaledriversinstall$2,000carphones(althoughinLosAngeles,wherethereare65,000subscribers,airwavesarejammedinrushhours).Ordinaryfolkcanape"techie"driversbyorderinganimitationantennafromWarshawskyforamere$12.Trafficisthickenoughtodefeatjustaboutanythingexceptperhapsthematinginstinct.Infact,somehavefoundthatchokedfreewayscanenhancethepossibilitiesoffindingamate.RuthGuillou,anenterprisingHuntingtonBeach,Calif.,widow,wasidlingalongwhenshesawa"charming-lookingmaninayellowCadillac.Icouldn'tgethimoutofmymind.Thereshouldhavebeenawayformetomakecontactwithhim."ThuswasborntheFreewaySinglesClub,amail-forwardingservicewhoseparticipantspay$35foranumbereddecalthatidentifiesthemasmembers.Thegrouphasarosterof2,000inSouthernCaliforniaandhasexpandedto16states.AccordingtoManhattanPsychiatristT.B.Karasu,motoristscanbedividedintotwocategories:adaptives,thosewhoacceptthingsastheyareandunderstandthattheycannotbeincontrolofallsituations,andnonadaptives.Thenonadaptives,saysKarasu,"blowtheirhornsandirritateeverybodyelseaswellasthemselves.Noiseisanexternalandexcessivestimulusthatincreasesratherthandecreasestension.Whenyouyellorareyelledat,yourbodyreleasesmoreadrenaline,yourbloodvesselsconstrict,yourpressure!rises,andyougetheadaches.Youarestillwoundupthreeorfourhourslater."Karasupointsoutthatnonadaptivebehavior,ortheinabilitytocopewithfreewaystress,couldleadtoheartattacksorstrokesforsome.Headvisesmotoriststorelaxbythinkingtheyarepassengersinanairplanewithacaptainrunningthings."Listentomusic,daydream,focusonthingsyounormallydon'tfindtimetothinkabout,"saysKarasu."Aboveallelse,acceptthatyouarewhereyouare,andthereisnothingthatyoucandoaboutit."

Anothersolutionistochangeyouraddress.TrafficjamshavediscouragedeventhePresidentandNancyReaganfromreturningtotheiroldneighborhoodofPacificPalisades,Calif.:"Wereallycan'tgooutthatfarbecausetrafficinLosAngelesisnowsobad,"saidtheFirstLadytoU.P.I."You'dbeontheroadallthetime."Ifmotorcadescan'tbeatthecrawl,thenordinarymortalshadbestsitback,turnupthestereoandwaitpatientlyfortheageofHovercraftandrocketbelts.

4WhenWomenViewithWomen

Thesisterhoodfindsrivalryandenvycanbethepriceofsuccess

LaurieBernsteinwellremembersstartingatasmallSouthernlawfirmandgettingdistinctlyicytreatmentfromtheonlyotherwomanlawyeronthestaff.WhenBernsteinwasgivenoneofherfemalecolleague'scasestohandle,resentmentturnedtospite:Bernsteindiscoveredthatshewasnotgettingthecourtdocuments,lettersandotherimportantpaperssheneededtohandlethecase.Lateoneeveningsheandaseniorpartnerfoundthemissingmaterialhiddeninthewoman'smailbox.Ms.Sabotagewasseverelyreprimanded."Ifeltterrible,"recallsBernstein,30."Ihadexpectedacamaraderietoemergebetweenthetwoofusastheonlyfemalelawyersatthefirm.Butquitetheoppositeoccurred."

Now,holdonaminute.Thisisnotthewayitwassupposedtobe.Allofthatdemonstratingandpamphleteeringintheearly'70swassupposedtohave&helpedwomenmoveintoprofessionalandmanagerialjobswithoutresortingtodestructivebehavior.Butasmorewomenriseinthecorporatepowerstructure,theyarediscovering,muchtotheirdismay,thattheyarenotalwayssistersundertheskinafterall.Infact,manyofthemareactingsuspiciouslylike...well...men."Nowwomenareencouragedtobeasaggressiveasmenonthejob,"writePsychotherapistsLuiseEichenbaumandSusieOrbach,co-authorsofthejustpublishedbookBetweenWomen:Love,Envy,andCompetitioninWomen'sFriendships(Viking;$17.95).

Theauthors,wholikemanyfeministshavespentyearstryingtoopencorporatedoors,aretryingtocomprehendtheworldtheyhaveentered.Femalebondsarebeingbroken,theysay,aswomendiscoverthat"thefeelingsofcompetitionandenvy,thescurryforapproval,thewishtobeacknowledgedandnoticedbyotherwomenarenowapartoftheirdailyworklives."Nordosomeyoungerwomenseemtocaremuchaboutfeministideals."Iseealotlessconcernamongyoungerwomenaboutstickingtogether,"declaresNancyFerree-Clark,associateministeratDukeUniversity."Theydon'tfeeltheallegiancetothewomen'smovementthatolderwomendo.Theysay,'Gee,that'spasse.Icanmakeitonmyown.'"

ThingscangetprettynastybehindtheEscadasuitsandthehintofGiorgioperfume,ifAuthorJudithBrilesistobebelieved.Inherrecentlypublishedbook,WomantoWoman:FromSabotagetoSupport(NewHorizonPress;$18.95),shesetsdownnearly300pagesoftestimonialssupportingthehypothesisthatwomenareattackingwomenintheworkplacewithcarefullyveiledvenomandviciousness."Ifwomenaregoingtosabotagesomeone,it'smorelikelytobeanotherwomanthanaman,"declaresBriles,42,aformerPaloAlto,Calif.,stockbroker.

Manywomenscoffatthisportraitofthefemalebarracudamaneuveringherwayaroundcorporatereefs."Ihavefoundatremendousamountofhelpingandgenerosityamongthewomeninmyindustry,"saysMaryMcCarthy,42,aseniorvicepresidentatMGM/UACommunicationsinBeverlyHills.LawyersReneeBerlinerRush,31,andJulieAnneBanon,32,saytheybecamebestfriendswhileworkingforaManhattanexecutive-searchfirm."Fromthedaywebeganworkingtogether,webelievedthatthewaytosucceedwastoworkwithandhelpeachother,nottoworkagainsteachother,"saysRush.Thetwowomennowruntheirownheadhuntingfirm

forlawyers.

Perhapsrealityliessomewherebetweentherapierthrustandthesympatheticear.Theremaybeatendencyforwomentobemorejealousofoneanotherthanmenareoftheircolleagues,saysNilesNewton,abehavioralscientistatNorthwesternMedicalSchool.Thatstems,shethinks,"frominsecuritiesbecausetheyhaven'tbeenintheworkplaceaslongasmen."Assertivenessandrivalryalsomakemanywomenfeeluncomfortable,"anditbecomesmuchmoreaproblemintheworkplace,wheretheyareanaturaloccurrence,"saysAnneFrenkel,asocialworkerwiththeChicagoWomen'sTherapyCollective."Womenhavetounderstandthatbeingcompetitivewithsomeonedoesn'tmeanyoudon'tlikethem.Mencanbecompetitiveandstillbefriends."

Still,friendshipsbetweenwomen--whatSimonedeBeauvoircalledthat"warmandfrivolousintimacy"--aretoooftenthecasualtiesofsuccessthesedays.Eichenbaum,35,andOrbach,41,areconcernedthat"intheworldofevery-woman-for-herself,theoldsupportsystemscanbetragicallyundermined."Thatsometimeshappenswhenwomenwinpromotionsandfindthemselvessupervisingwomenwhowereonceclosefriends."ItendnottohaverelationshipswithwomenIsupervise,"saysKathySchrier,40,aunionadministratorinManhattan."Somewomencan'tmakethatbreak,though,andithurtsthemasmanagers."

Otherwomenhaveproblemsrelatingtotheirfemalebosses.EventhoughMGM/UA'sMcCarthyhashighpraiseforherfemalecolleagues,sheadmitsthatinthepastshehas"feltsabotaged"byexecutivesecretaries."Itwasjealousyofmypositionfromsomeoneonalowerlevel,"shesays.CorporateLawyerDeborahDugan,29,recallsthatwhenshejoinedaLosAngeleslawfirm,herassignedfemalesecretary"refusedtoworkforme.Shesaidshewouldhavetroubletakingordersfromanotherfemale."Howcanwomencopewiththeseconflicts?Chicago'sFrenkelbelievesprofessionalwomenmuststoptakinganotherwoman'ssuccessasapersonalaffront."Theyhavetoseparateoutbusinessfrompersonalissues,"shesays.Forsomewomen,that'simpossible,asLauraSrebnik,33,aManhattancomputereducator,discoveredwhenshesuddenlyfoundherselfsupervisinga"dearfriend"atapoliticallobbyinggroup.Thefriend,shesays,becamehostile,talkedaboutherbehindherbackandthenquit.Thepartingexplanation,saysSrebnik,was"thatIhadbecomeoneof'them'"--thepowerstructure.Forsomewomenintheworkplace,thatisstilltheultimateinsult.WithreportingbyAndreaSachs/NewYork,withotherbureaus

5"GreatHumanPowerorMagic"

AninnovativeprogramsparksthewritingofAmerica'schildren

AsschoolstartsthisfallinTununak,atinyEskimocommunityonthewindsweptcoastofAlaska,TeacherBenOrrisplanningtoinviteelderlystorytellersintotheclassroomsohisyoungstudentscanlearnandthenwritedowntraditionallegendsandloreoftheirvanishingculture.ForDonnaMaxim'sthird-gradersinBoothbay,Me.,writingwillbecomeatoolinscienceandsocialstudiesasstudentsrecordobservations,questionsandreactionsaboutwhattheydiscovereachday.InEagleButte,S.D.,GeriGutweinhasdesignedawritingprojectinwhichherninth-gradestudentsexchangeletterswiththird-gradersaboutstoriestheyhavereadtogether.ThisyearafewofherstudentswillsitwithCheyennewomenwhotelltalesastheyknittogether,theirheritagebecominggristfortoday'syoungwriters.

Althoughtheseteachersareseparatedbythousandsofmiles,theirmethodsoftryingtoencouragechildrentowritespringfromacommonsource:theBreadLoafSchoolofEnglish.There,nearVermont'sMiddleburyCollege,gradeschoolandhighschoolteachersgiveuppartoftheirvacationseachsummertospendsixweeksbrainstorming,studyingandtradingexperiencesastheytrytodevisenewmethodsofgettingtheirpupilstowrite.SaysDixieGoswami,aClemsonUniversityEnglishprofessorwhoheadsBreadLoaf'sprograminwriting:"Wehavenothingagainst'skill-and-drill'writingcurricula,excepttheydon'twork."Instead,